To not accept this bday present

[Elle8989]

Every bday or xmas my parents always go OTT. I ask them year after year please spend a fair amount as I have real difficulty accepting really expensive presents. We don't get on well and I just feel wrongly or rightly like they are power tripping. One bday I said please spend a reasonable amount. They spent far too much and I refused the present which led to a massive argument about how it's not for me to decide what they get me. So I got nothing. Since then it's the same.

This bday they said will you accept such amount of money (too much) and I've ignored the message. I asked them before my bday again to get me something normal.

Many would say it's up to them and not my business. But they know I have issues so why keep doing it. I'd be so happy with flowers and a tenner or a little ornament or mug ect. It's more the point they know it annoys me and still do it. Like I said we don't get on that well so I feel massive anxiety accepting it as it feels like dirty money!

I get it op. My mother used to buy us expensive things, then would be furious if we weren't sufficiently grateful for days afterwards. It got to the point where I'd refuse to accept money because it came with such a burden of required obsequiousness. I remember taking a savage joy in the first time she tried to pay for coffee and I said I would get it instead; she looked utterly confounded because she couldn't control my responses with money anymore. It was glorious.

Having said that, could you regift what they give you? Make noises about how it's too expensive, then if they insist accept it. Then give it away in due course. Be open about this if asked. Hours of fun

I think you need to look at why you feel so strongly. They're presumably not just being lovely.
If you can, say you'd prefer money and just squirrel it away
Have you thought about counselling?

OP, you feel 'massive anxiety' towards accepting a gift.
Just say - no gifts this year - house and bank full.

[To think how casually serious health issues are thrown around these days, no wonder eye-rolling has become standard response to yet another 'anxiety' sufferer]

Is it because they might use it to control you? Or you will feel obligated to them in some way?

Will you be willing to inherit from them when they pass? As in, is it the money that is dirty, or the perceived power it gives them over you?