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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to not go straight home

51 replies

FabiantheFish · 09/03/2018 15:22

I have been told I can leave work an hour early today.
My DH is a stay at home dad and is at home with our 3 DCs.

Would it be really unreasonable no to mention that i am leaving early and to go to the library of a cafe and spend an hour reading quietly by myself then go home at my usual time?

OP posts:
ferrier · 09/03/2018 16:01

I don't think I could do that without being very upfront about it. Ie making sure it's OK first.

LuckyAmy1986 · 09/03/2018 16:02

I would be annoyed if it was the other way around. Especially if he didn't tell me and lied. so I think YABU

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/03/2018 16:02

It's one hour not 2 weeks. Go and have a coffee in peace. Maybe take DH a piece of cake home though Wink

Original poster
FabiantheFish · 09/03/2018 16:02

It's not an issue any more, something as just come up that I need to deal with now so I won't be leaving early Sad

OP posts:
joystir59 · 09/03/2018 16:03

Be completely honest and upfront. If he doesnt like the idea perhaps he has good reason- only you know the answer

RedSkyAtNight · 09/03/2018 16:03

Another one saying that there would be a chorus of "LTB" if a SAHM had posted that despite working late all week and leaving her to pick up the slack, her DH had decided not to bother coming straight home when he got off early.

However, perhaps you and DH need to sit down and work out where there is space in your schedules for you both to have some time for yourself.

WeAllHaveWings · 09/03/2018 16:07

I should probably just go straight home, especially as I have been working late so far this week so he has been having to do bedtime by himself.

I would be desperate to get home and see my babies if I'd missed them all week due to working late!

timeisnotaline · 09/03/2018 16:07

If you’ve been working late all week I think it would be a bit much. Go do your share of dinner and bedtime and have your me time after that.

Qvar · 09/03/2018 16:07

No I would go home. Bedtime by yourself with 3 kids isn't fun. Help hiim.

starlightmeteorite · 09/03/2018 16:27

No, not fine, as if your DH has at least one dc at home with him all day every day he literally never gets a break. Not even half an hour to grab a sandwich. Work is a break from the relentlessness of dealing with small dcs. I always consider my work days a 'day off'. Go home and help.

My DH does this all the time to me. In fact he's doing it today. Been working away all week, left work at 2pm, coud be home at 5pm, but instead is going for a beer and will cunningly be home at 8pm. Late enough to miss dcs dinner and bed time routine. Early enough to expect a meal. I'm not cooking him one.

blastomama · 09/03/2018 16:29

As a stay at home Mum, I’d be annoyed if my husband didn’t come home

Would you? As a sahm, I'd be bothered that he felt he could not take any time for himself, and want to talk about how to fix that.

ferrier · 09/03/2018 17:11

and will cunningly be home at 8pm. Late enough to miss dcs dinner and bed time routine.

Oh I remember those days so well Hmm

Auspiciouspanda · 09/03/2018 17:16

If the sexes were reversed you’d be ripped apart on here.

blastomama · 09/03/2018 17:18

I don't see why.

toomanyweeds · 09/03/2018 17:33

I appreciate that is no longer an option but I'd say yes, go for it (and would say the same to a man in the same position) with the obvious caveat that you make sure he gets some time to himself too. There is an understandable bias on MN towards SAHPs but working outside of the home can be just as non- stop and exhausting and giving yourself some headspace between work and home can make you a much nicer person once you do get back.

Thedogsmells · 09/03/2018 17:38

Would you? As a sahm, I'd be bothered that he felt he could not take any time for himself, and want to talk about how to fix that.

Same goes in reverse though. If the sahp felt that strongly about it I would want to know what I could do to help lessen the load on them

blastomama · 09/03/2018 17:40

yes, absolutely.

AuntLydia · 09/03/2018 17:43

It's a shame you didn't get your early finish op. I have to say, I'd be a bit cheesed off if DH did that after a week's worth of being late home. I'd wonder why he didn't want to come home and see the kids if he had seen so little of them to be honest. On a normal week it wouldn't bother me though, and he'll often finish early then head to the gym.

Mymadworld · 09/03/2018 17:46

My dh's work can be quite flexible and we had a real issue when I first started working from home with him finishing early & stopping for a pint or going to the gym then conveniently forgetting to mention it. I never minded him having free time (I have a hobby that takes time out) but the secrecy & assumption that I wouldn't mind/find out really bugged me!

noenergy · 09/03/2018 17:49

Why would u not want to go and c your kids if u have missed bedtime all week?

If it was a reverse then replies here would have been different.

I'm assuming your DH never gets any sown time as there is at least one child at home, your downtime is going to work.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 09/03/2018 17:56

Don’t think this one applies re the sexes being reversed. I’m fine with DH going to the pub for an hour on Friday evening as long as he gives me an hour to read a book or drink gin in peace the next day.

BrendasUmbrella · 09/03/2018 18:05

Don’t think this one applies re the sexes being reversed.

I was thinking that if a man posted here that he'd been working late every night and would it be awful if he went to the gym or a coffee shop for an hour - it wouldn't happen. He would just do it without feeling guilty.

Passportto · 09/03/2018 18:15

Are DCs at school or nursery? I think that makes a difference, if he gets me time during the day.

peanutbutter310 · 09/03/2018 18:26

As a SAHM I'd prefer that OH came home in this situation, having worked late all week. But if he decided to stay out, I wouldn't be particularly upset. He's generally very hands on and everybody deserves some downtime.

I would however be furious if I discovered that he had done it and purposefully omitted to tell me.

DingDongDenny · 09/03/2018 18:50

It sounds like you could do with a bit of a break fish an hour to yourself isn't much to ask for

Why not suggest you take the kids for a few hours to give your husband a break and then swap