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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to be cross when people "forget" to pay me back?

15 replies

2nice4myowngood · 06/05/2007 12:56

This problem I have goes back years, but I never learn. I must give off some kind of "please fleece me" signals, but people seem to think I'm a soft touch when it comes to paying for things - you know the scenario, either you are sharing a taxi or some other kind of bill, or picking up something from a shop for someone, and you get the "I haven't got it right now, will give it to you later" routine. Only relatively small amounts, but still annoying. I know I shouldn't offer in the first place, but just HOW do you gently remind someone - in particular a friend or neighbour - that they owe you money without causing offence? Dropping hints just seems so crass, but I can't bring myself to ask outright. Or am I the one with the problem - should I just write it off? The longer it goes on, the more awkward it gets!

OP posts:
Frascati · 06/05/2007 12:58

I have had this and I sympathise.

I would say write the existing ones off and in future just make sure you say that you just don't have that money on you.

Not worth getting yourself upset now but learn from it iykwim xx

Frascati · 06/05/2007 12:58

I have had this and I sympathise.

I would say write the existing ones off and in future just make sure you say that you just don't have that money on you.

Not worth getting yourself upset now but learn from it iykwim xx

BeetleBug · 06/05/2007 13:11

2nice, this is all too familiar to me. I was the type who would always let these things slide and would never harrass the other party into paying me back. I got fed up of letting myself get mugged and now I make sure I'm neither a lender or a borrower. Frascati has given some good advice.

Lovecat · 06/05/2007 13:11

Dropping hints will get you nowhere. You'll have to be direct and either at the event/immediately after the event

ie if a taxi, ring them the next day to 'make sure they got home all right' and add on 'btw, the taxi was £xx so that's £x you owe me.' No wiggle room there!

When picking something up for someone, I'd always ask for the cash there and then when I delivered it tom them - just say 'here you are, that was £xxx' and hold my hand out expectantly.

Having said that, I have this exact problem with my sister. She earns far more than me these days but never seems to carry cash and hasn't ever gotten out of the 'big sister will pay' mindset - and there never seems to be the right time to ask for it back!

So I'm not the one to be giving the advice, really!

whomovedmychocolate · 06/05/2007 13:13

I generally live by the adage: if you lend a friend £20 and they fail to give it back, you've paid £20 to get rid of someone who wasn't very nice anyway, it's a bargain!

TerribleMuriel · 06/05/2007 13:13

My boss is terrible for this, "put a fiver in the collection for me, I'm out of cash" then she never remembers and it's gets embarrassing asking after the first reminder. Now I don't put the money in collections for her, simple. You have to just stop doing it. If someone asks you, you just have to say, sorry, my purse is empty I'll need the money up front.

hifi · 06/05/2007 13:13

i have this problem and have learnt to say in cabs oh thats a tenner each, i sometimes with repeat offenders go to a cash point so they have to. with the ones who always take the piss i dont share anymore, see you later, we also have a problem when going out with certain couples who dont cough up half for dinner, i now take the bill and say right thats a £100 each.

BeetleBug · 06/05/2007 13:14

BTW YANBU IMO but you must toughen up!

paulaplumpbottom · 06/05/2007 13:15

Next time you are out why not remain silent until she offers to pay for dinner or cab.

sunnysideup · 06/05/2007 13:30

agree with bettle. YANBU, but you are being slightly unassertive. Either don't lend it in the first place or simply ask for it back. Why can't you bring yourself - it's your money! And they certainly weren't embarrassed to ask for it so why should you be to get it back!

Original poster
2nice4myowngood · 06/05/2007 15:09

Thanks for all your ideas. So I guess from now on it's no more Mrs Nice G...irl

OP posts:
dmo · 06/05/2007 22:49

my mum used to sponcer my boys but then i would end up paying as she would never have any change
other day boys did a sponcered conoe and mum said i didnt know you never asked me to sponcer them and i replyed yeh because i always pay your sponcer money but if you want to give the boys some money now i will add it onto the sponcer form

friendlyedjit · 06/05/2007 22:54

lending money, over the years have been so upset with a few people that have lent to that have seen me struggle afterwards that developed a policy, if I am to lend again I need to be in a position that I don't expect or need it back.
So my theory is that I can't get upset about it, and if the money or whatever it is I've lent comes back when not expecting then I'm so happy

suzycreamcheese · 06/05/2007 23:05

take a stand and they wont take the piss anymore..

after a while i realised my friend used to go to cashpoint only ever taking a tenner for our nights out she was always short i'd be left to foot bill for everything else...taxi drinks etc..

...its basic lack of respect imo...i always know when i owe and always get it back asap to people...its not nice and not on having to ask..

helenhismadwife · 08/05/2007 15:36

YANBU the small amounts all add up you would probably be quite suprised if you added it up.
I dont mind lending someone money or helping someone out but it is a case of once bitten twice shy for me, if I dont get repaid then I dont do it again. I was taken advantage of in the past and ended up feeling very resentful, even though it was my fault for not saying no

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