No one is helping me with my anxiety.

[CatsForgotPassword]

Posted threads a few weeks ago during crisis. I got a referral to my local counselling team and was told it’d take a week.

It’s about 6 weeks later and I’ve heard nothing. Meanwhile, I’m rapidly going downhill and I know it. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years but traumatic events this year, culminating a few weeks ago, have caused a severe episode.

I cannot think without anxiety in my thoughts. It’s everywhere. And it’s not limited to one thing. I feel like I’m being watched and stalked. That something is following me. I do not feel safe anywhere and I’m constantly looking over my shoulder. I can’t breathe without feeling like I am about to die. I cry constantly, I’m shouting and screaming at DP who’s done nothing, I’m arsey with everyone. I just feel like something terrible is about to happen and I’m constantly looking for it. I feel like I have no way out. I’m extremely paranoid, to the extent I want to somehow escape but from what I do not know. I don’t even want to ask anyone for help anymore because I’m now at the stage where I don’t trust anyone.

I can’t sleep anymore, I barely eat, I’m jumpy and I honestly feel I’m about to have a breakdown.

I’m aware this isn’t real and is all some sort of cruel altered reality my mind is creating, but it feels more and more real every day.

I don’t remember it ever being this bad. Ever.

But 6 weeks ago, when I begged my GP for help, I was told I wasn’t bad enough. I’ve somehow created this mess and I have no way of getting out. Please, anyone who’s experienced this, can you offer advice? I feel like I’m trapped in my own head and I’d do anything to be someone else.

DP has just rang the therapy service I was referred to and they instantly phone interviewed me and did an assessment. Apparently I’m 20/21 in the anxiety score and 24/27 for depression. They’re getting me an appointment ASAP.

This sounds like its going from serious anxiety to actual paranoia if youre thinking that letters are going to be death threats, thats more than "a little worried".

Without knowing the traumatic details of what’s happened to you thin year, I can’t assume to advise but much of what you describe could also be a sign of post traumatic stress disorder....the paranoia in particular is a common feature of PTSD.

On my other threads, many people thought I had PTSD as did the person on a crisis line I spoke with a few weeks ago. The event(s) are four miscarriages close together one of which was very graphic. I don’t want to trigger anyone but it was...distressing. I wasn’t told I’d see what I saw.

scrolling exactly. I never tell anyone the full extent either.

Hi cats that’s good news.
That’s great that your DP is there to support you today.

I can’t remember if you said you’re working but if you are, I’d consider getting your GP to sign you off on Monday for a few weeks.

Thank you, I will. I have calmed down somewhat but this is exhausting. I agree with pp who said this sounds like full blown paranoia because that’s what it’s becoming

I know this might sound trite OP but I have had a terrible year with really bad things happening one after another. Death, cancer, cut off from family members for weird reasons, my surgery going wrong and more death and more cancer in the family/DH. I was in a state although granted not as bad as you describe. Something that has helped me a lot has been exercise. Not jogging or going out at all. Slow, deep core muscle exercises on a rug on the floor. I do them in silence and concentrate on nothing but the feeling in my muscle as they are contracting and relaxing. I started out barely being able to move but after a few sessions I was able to do more and I pushed to do more reps each time and there was something about the slowness, the counting, the concentration and I assume the release of endorphins that have helped me enormously. I now do half an hour twice a day or sometimes an hour. It's my time and at first I had to try very hard to not let the intrusive thoughts and fears in. I am finding that easier now and sometimes I can do them to music so long as it's a slow beat and I am able to concentrate but mostly I do them in silence. This may help you in the meantime while you are waiting for help or alongside any therapies advised. It has amazed me the difference it has made to my state of mind.

Oh gosh cats. I’m so very sorry.

So it very much does sound like PTSD and you’ve suffered the sadness of such unbearable bereavement.

I don’t know if you had any help for your loss at the time but if at some point in the future this might be helpful,.....www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/how-we-help/support-groups/

Yvonne that doesn’t sound trite at all, I’m glad it has helped you and I will try it myself. So sorry for what has happened to you.

Hi OP so glad they are now prioritising you. I'm not an expert but to me (who suffers with anxiety) what you are experiencing sounds like severe anxiety. DH (who suffers with psychosis) experiences paranoia but has no insight into the fact that his thoughts are unreasonable. The fact that you have this insight is a really good thing. Anxiety is a really horrible and I think a lot of people don't realise how ill it can make you. So glad you are getting help soon.

If not already on medication speak to your GP urgently about this to help you through to your appointment. If you feel there is any immediate risk of hurting yourself go to A&E and they will get you a psychiatric assessment.

Huge hugs

cat that sounds incredibly traumatic. Having had PTSD I would recommend ensuring that you are referred to a trauma specialist (As per NICE guidelines) standard talking therapies can make PTSD worse as talking about the trauma is not very helpful and in my case was harmful. I also struggled to talk about the trauma in any detail (Could manage a detached non emotional summary but that was about it) the first psychologist I saw (not a trauma specialist) just kept pushing me to talk about it and telling me that he couldn't help me if I wouldn't. He didn't seem to understand that it was couldn't not wouldn't I physically couldn't open my mouth to get the words out and the times that I did manage a bit triggered such horrendous flash backs it made things 10 times worse. The private therapist I saw used something called IEMT (integrated eye movement therapy) which was incredibly helpful instantly and didnt involve talking about things. There is a similar treatment available on the NHS called EMDR (eye movement desensitization and repatterning) which I believe has similarly effective results.

Really glad you’re making some headway OP .

Cats if someone had said this to me before I tried it I would have laughed but I realised I had to do some exercises to get well (was in bed for nine months with a physical illness and that along with all the other stuff we had to deal with has sent me into poor MH) The secret is slow movement and deep breathing and concentrating and the endorphins. I shall do these exercises the rest of my life I suspect. They make me feel like I have something just for me.

They mentioned EMDR to me. They are ringing me back later with a plan. Thank you for all the comments

Unseen illness is a proper bugger. I hope you start to feel better soon and return to full and blooming health.

CatsForgotPassword

I really feel you need to go back to your GP. Ask for an emergency appointment- this IS an emergency. Or even go to A and E if you get nowhere with GP- they may have a duty psychiatrist who can assess you and tak eit forward from there.

I relate. Your posts lists many of the symptoms I had when my anxiety was its worst a few years ago. Because I also have a personality disorder label and long history of being under services the MH services basically did not want to treat me and actually believed I was exaggerating my anxiety to get attention. Literally the only way I could get taken seriously was by the A and E duty psychiatrist.

CatsForgotPassword Thanks for the update. I second what YvonneGoolagong said- a return to full and blooming health

Thank you. Secret I’m so sorry no one listened to you. Anxiety, when it is severe, is awful. It’s disabling.

They mentioned EMDR to me. They are ringing me back later with a plan. Thank you for all the comments

I found EMDR to be very positive. I had quite a few sessions and was a bit sceptical about it at first, but it really works.

I hope that you don't have to wait too long for an appointment. The feelings you're experiencing can be very frightening but with the right support in place, you should begin to feel better.

Stay safe CatsForgotPassword

Great. Just rang my mum and mentioned to her I’d got an appointment soon. I don’t drive.

“Well I hope it’s within walking distance, I’m not a bloody taxi and won’t be taking you.”

Now I just feel even more like my existence is a burden and everyone hates me.

We dont always get the support we deserve at the times we need it.
Don't let this hold you back from finding a way to get there just because your mum has decided not to take you. Do you have a friend you could ask? Or can book a taxi?

Oh my goodness, you have been through so much I'm not surprised you are feeling so anxious and depressed. Your mother sounds delightful! Is she always so tactless and unsupportive? You are NOT a burden, you are going through a really tough time and you should expect some support from those you are closest to - if your mum has always been so dismissive then I wouldn't be surprised if your tendency to anxiety stems from being treated that way by her, after all the one person anybody should be able to look to for support and love in tough times is their mum, and if that doesn't happen it can really mess with your head (my DH has this issue with his mother and it has caused him lifelong emotional issues).

I'm glad the MH services are finally taking you seriously, though I think they are stretched and maybe that is why they won't help until things have escalated - which is really really wrong. I hope you will be able to get the help you need.

I have suffered with anxiety myself and it is all consuming, it takes over your life and puts so many limits on what you can do and your ability to cope. I hope with time and support you will be able to recover your equilibrium and move forward to happier times.

The world is a better place because you are in it - and to those people who aren't supportive, well maybe your life would be more peaceful without them in it, if it comes to it. Nobody should have to go through what you have, it sounds totally traumatising, so don't give yourself a hard time that your emotions are running high and you aren't yourself - it would actually be weird if you have come through all of that unscathed. You are a human being, not a robot, be kind to yourself.

My mum is odd - sometimes she’s incredibly supportive, others she’s dismissive and rude. I never know which one I get and that makes me anxious in itself. I suspect she has mental health problems but she won’t address them. I have a difficult relationship with her in that she’s like my friend more than mom.

Thank you all for the comments.

Try and get hold of some diazepam. Works a treat

I'm glad they have proritised you now.

I'm sorry about your mum, mine is similar. I didn't bother telling mine when I was struggling. Can your DP be around to take you or can you afford cab if not walking distance?

I have beta blockers for as and when, I'm mainly better now. I didn't find CBT helped, taking ADs did though.

Good luck.

Have you been prescribed any medication? My GP recently gave me propanolol, diazepam and zopiclone to take as needed. I only have a limited supply of the last two but knowing they are there if I feel super anxious really helps.
Hope you feel better soon.