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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to genuinely want to kill someone (*triggering*)

26 replies

sentenceinterrupted · 08/03/2018 20:32

DP is visiting nairobi where an old friend of his is living (also DC's godparent). Friend and his wife have set up a charity to help the kids in the slums - one hot meal a week for kids, plus a school, plus trying to help parents get jobs (eg making things they use for fundraising).

DP visited some of the places today and met a young girl (almost 3) who was raped last week. Her mum was looking for work and her 6 year old brother was tasked with taking himself and the girl home (through kibera slum); she was lured and raped. Both children are obviously very traumatised.

I genuinely don't know what i would do if I met the person who did that. WIBU to wipe him clean from the planet? DP sounded heartbroken telling me; we have a daughter the same age... I don't know that i could ever forgive something like that. Sorry, probably more of a vent than an AIBU. I'm bawling as i write; may have to go and lose myself in something else to take my mind off it...

OP posts:
ohnomoresnow · 08/03/2018 20:35

yanbu to feel like this, but YABU to post it on here.

Caulk · 08/03/2018 20:37

There is a lot of practical things you can do. I’m going back to Kenya for the 8th time this summer where I work with children who are orphaned or are victims of crime.

You could sponsor a child, give financially, lobby MPs, visit and train people in supporting young people.

Birdsgottafly · 08/03/2018 20:42

I think it's more useful to find out why those people are in poverty/their situation and campaigning for awareness and how we can help. Chanel your anger.

There's big advertisements about twinning toilets for Mother's Day, on FB etc. when someone has took the piss and got the whole point of it wrong, I've commented with a piece that will hopefully educate. Many women and Girls are raped when going to the toilet, if they have to go far from the house. Girls who wear underwear suffer less assaults, so get involved in campaigns for underwear etc.

Worldsworstcook · 08/03/2018 20:43

@ohnomoresnow

It’s hard to hear, impossible to imagine and very very sickening.

But to say someone can’t post about it is like denying it happens and burying heads in the sand.

Personally OP I’d like to take an industrial nail gun to him - a nice new one that doesn’t misfire

Whatshallidonowpeople · 08/03/2018 20:44

Why do people post stuff like this? If course you don't really want to kill him, nor would You, if the opportunity presented itself.

RadicalFern · 08/03/2018 21:02

*that no one might feel that way

UndomesticHousewife · 08/03/2018 21:03

Why shouldn’t she post this on here?

RadicalFern · 08/03/2018 21:07

Whoops, posting issues. I meant to say whatshallidonow that I don't know that you can speak for how the OP feels, just because you don't feel the same.

OP I don't think you are being unreasonable. Some things people do are truly evil and deserve death.

NewYearNewMe18 · 08/03/2018 21:09

I always harbour more suspicions about these little itty bitty charities the spring up, largely unregulated.

Original poster
sentenceinterrupted · 08/03/2018 21:12

Well, I'm calmer now, with even more respect for our lovely friends. I don't know how they manage it so well. I've always respected and admired them for their family rearing skills, then their move to set up this charity, but now even more...

Caulk, thank you. Just thank you for being one of the people who helps. Historically i've tried to involve myself with local charity work, but I think the world is getting smaller. I know DP has donated to our friends before, but I suspect it will get bigger now.

I definitely like the nailgun idea Worlds..., though I still think the world would be a better place without him in it. Can't say how i'd react if i saw him and he was not self-castratingly sorry, and god forbid i saw him at it; i genuinely think i would fight for that child's life; even if it meant someone else's.

OP posts:
AbsentmindedWoman · 08/03/2018 21:13

That poor child Sad

There are no words to offer you any comfort on hearing this kind of thing, OP. But I'm sorry to hear about that poor wee girl.

Original poster
sentenceinterrupted · 08/03/2018 21:21

Radical, thank you.

New Year; I think Caulk might have the right idea; getting involved on the ground; if nothing else, maybe you get to know which ones are good and which ones not, to support from afar.

OP posts:
Original poster
sentenceinterrupted · 08/03/2018 21:25

I don't know why this example has hit me harder than most do; I think perhaps it was just hearing DP's voice. Thank you for listening, all.

OP posts:
Caulk · 08/03/2018 21:27

Feel free to PM me and I can give you details of some of the charities I’ve worked with. They are all faith based so you have to decide how you feel about that. Saying that, I haven’t encountered any non-faith based ones which aren’t already well known in the UK like Oxfam.

Encourage the men you know to visit and work with local men there. There are a lot of lost young men involved in gang and group crime, and support is needed with training for jobs. Child sponsorship can help this as it gives them more opportunities when they are younger.

lecossaise · 08/03/2018 21:34

Sickening.

This organisation is doing some really interesting work in Kibera to prevent rape (educating boys):
www.nomeansnoworldwide.org

Perhaps you could donate.

TheVanguardSix · 08/03/2018 21:35

yanbu to feel like this, but YABU to post it on here.

Why TF can't OP talk about this here? This is how so much of the world actually IS outside of our little First World #MeToo bubble.

Oh and as for this: Why do people post stuff like this? If course you don't really want to kill him, nor would You, if the opportunity presented itself. Have you any other 'flatline emotional response' gilded nuggets o' wisdom? I've not bothered to correct your typos. It adds a bit of life to an otherwise dead response to something pretty damn horrible and worthy of discussion.

Worldsworstcook, you couldn't have expressed it better.

OP it is truly, truly unimaginable. And hearing it from your DP on the ground there and having a child of that age makes the impact of such a story horribly painful.

Handsoffmysweets · 08/03/2018 21:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

Butterymuffin · 08/03/2018 21:38

That's a horrible story and I understand why it's made you so angry. The world's an awful place sometimes.

Original poster
sentenceinterrupted · 08/03/2018 21:47

lecossaise, that looks really interesting. It's mostly DP's money so I generally don't get the final say, but I get torn between knowing where the money is best served; chicken and egg... I think I need to look at things when I'm not so emotionally drained. We know these people so well, and trust them, and respect them, though, so I suspect we'll focus there. I also like that 94% of their funds raised actually get spent on what they are fundraising for (all volunteer run etc). I'd wave their banner all over the place, but I suspect I'm not allowed....

OP posts:
LucheroTena · 08/03/2018 21:52

I know what you mean op. It’s easy to see why people become vigilantes in some circumstances.

TooManyMiles · 08/03/2018 22:19

YANBU
Your DP will never be able to forget.
I never even realised people rape babies till I heard about it happening in the civil war in former Yugoslavia. Now I know it is not that uncommon in the world of rape.

lecossaise · 08/03/2018 22:37

Fair enough OP, you certainly can't support all of the well meaning charities! It sounds like your friends are doing good work.

Also... do encourage DP to get some counselling if he needs it if he's dwelling on it when he's home. I work in the development sector (other side of the continent) and a lot of people don't take their own mental health seriously - I think it's the idea that we don't 'deserve' to be affected by some of the horrible things we hear about because of course we're not experiencing it ourselves.

(Obviously I'm not saying that things like child rape don't happen around the world, but children are certainly less protected when there is no money.)

Gide · 08/03/2018 23:37

YANBU, OP. I’ve wanted to kill people for less. I can’t understand why somebody would rape, certainly not a tiny child.

My favourite fantasy is where the family of the victim is allowed half an hour in a sealed room with the perpetrator of a heinous crime. Possibly they should be allowed a cheese grater, a couple of rusty knives, a club with nails in it.

That poor wee girl is never going to see justice served. :(

Original poster
sentenceinterrupted · 09/03/2018 12:00

Gide, lecossaise, I think that's part of it ... there are so fewer resources to deal with the trauma, etc. It's awful to happen in a first world country, but that poor mother who had to leave her kids so she could get some money (she's now been given a job by the charity), she just won't have the money, the time, the resources and those wee children will be forever changed.

I asked Mumsnet HQ and they say that I can mention the charity ... and that this thread would then go to the charity board, so if anyone feels like looking, helping, or asking them to go to your kid's school to help our kids learn about what life can be like for people less fortunate (I organised this at my son's school when we lived in the UK), then please go check out the Lunchbowl Network at www.lunchbowl.org/

OP posts:
GrannyGrissle · 09/03/2018 12:15

Got to be honest though i'm against capital punishment, child rapists really should be killed slowly and painfully With John Dirty Bastard Cunting Venables front of the queue I often fantasise who i would kill if i only had a week to live and child rapists and murders are well up there. I'm quite sane and normal