to ditch friend because I can't be arsed?

[k2p2k2tog]

Have been friends with this woman for about 8 years. We met because our kids are similar ages. She's warm, friendly and good company.

However. She is almost impossible to make arrangements with. She doesn't respond to texts - phone out of battery, kids playing with it, got distracted, didn't see it, didn't arrive. Voice calls to mobile go straight to answer phone, you leave a message and she doesn't pick it up. (or if she does, she doesn't call you back). She doesn't read emails. She has a Facebook account which she doesn't use.

Making arrangements to meet for a coffee is like planning a fucking expedition. Repeated texts, messages before she responds and makes an arrangement. It;s just such HARD work. And if it's her suggesting the coffee I'll respond to her text with "sounds great, my house 2pm on Wednesday?" and get no reply, so I have no idea whether she's coming or not.

I can't be arsed with it any more, it's just too much like hard work when I have other friends who can make arrangements much more easily and actually know how to use a smartphone?!

"If she's used to using the phone why not just call her to make arrangements?"

Because she doesnt answer. "Voice calls to mobile go straight to answer phone, you leave a message and she doesn't pick it up."

Comprehension skills. What do they teach ‘em in schools these days?

I have a friend exactly like this, I took a step back and now I hear from her weekly and she's always apologising for being a flake

I'd stop bothering. What a waste of your time and energy.

I can't bear deliberate 'incompetence' –'Oooh, silly me, what am I like?...'

You're like a fucking child/idiot, that's what you're like. Grow up.

I don't bother with these can't be bothered sort. I don't care what the excuses are. There's not enough time in my life to chase up someone who needs to be babied into making plans and sticking to them. Admittedly, I have very few friends. They are all capable of responding with a firm yes or no fairly promptly though.

she works, has youngish DC, and is a bit flaky/not glued to her phone.

Sounds like she has a pretty busy life. It's probably not personal. My friends and I are ALL a bit like this - but we do manage to keep and touch, enjoy each others company occasionally, without placing big demands or expectations on each other. Works for us.

But if its not working for you, its fine to move on & stop trying to make arrangements with her.

I have a friend who is like this. Like the OP's friend, she is a lot of fun when I do see her - people who are like this usually are because otherwise no one would bother with them. However, I've stopped bothering as much because, frankly, having a load of WhatsApp messages go unread for bloody ages and then getting a "OH GOD, Soooooo sorry I haven't been in touch" makes me feel like a C list friend.

People who act like this have free will. I'll bet they don't act like it with new friends or people they are trying to impress. Your friends are meant to make you feel good about yourself - this friend isn't doing that.

Everyone has busy lives though. I tried to arrange to see another (non-flaky) friend last week and we exchanged about 10 messages along the lines of "what about 10 on Monday?" "can't do Monday, working that day, Wednesday after 2?" "Argh, car being serviced on Wednesday, Friday morning any good?" before we realised this week just wasn't going to work and we said we'd try to come up with something for next week.

You're like a fucking child/idiot, that's what you're like. Grow up.

This made me chuckle.

To be fair though, the non-flaky friend responded right away and actually communicated with you. It’s fine to be busy.