Aibu to be angry with this immigration agent?

[VegasWithRadishes]

I'm going through an expensive visa process at the moment.
This has taken lots of evidence to prove my relationship with my fiancé.
I have a usual caseworker (CW1) who is a bit prickly but competent however she has gone on mat leave for a few months so it's all on another stand in, who called me today to confirm a few details and have a general chat.
I confirmed the details and she asked why we are not yet married. I told her truthfully that we just couldn't afford the visa fees and associated fees (health check + security clearance, plus health check travel costs which on their own were a few hundred as we're so far from an approved Dr) and get married too, but we are booked in to get the relevant documents at x place on Y dates and then we're looking at marrying within the next 12 months, as we've now paid for the visa and it's not so much of a financial burden.
CW2s response was: I don't understand why you wouldn't prioritise getting married?
I was a bit shocked and said "well we're prioritising it the best we can but as you can see from X y Z bank statements we are on an average income and since this process has cost us $10,000 we had very little wriggle room to pay for it."
CW2 then asked me why my fiance hadn't considered getting a loan I said that we didn't believe it was worth getting into debt for when we could just wait an extra year to get it done... CW2 said "I'm going to put down that I don't think that you're very committed"

Our marriage or lack of is not relevant to the application at all, as we meet other criteria (living together as an otherwise married couple, basically, for at least 1yr, we have for 3yrs prior to coming here and have been here for 1yr together with the evidence to back it). CW1 has never had an issue with us not being married and official guidelines back up the stance that it is not required at all as long as we can provide the same proof a married couple can (in relation to joint living, joint finances + reasonably joint social life) minus the marriage cert.

Aibu to be a bit pissed off and consider putting in a complaint?
It seems she's letting her personal opinion (that anyone who's not married isn't committed) in the way of actually assessing to see if we're in a genuine relationship and of good character etc.

Sounds like a right bitch, not surprise it pissed you off.
Not sure I would put in a complaint until the process is completed , or your usual case worker is back, just in case she tries to make it more difficult. But I would keep a record of it and maybe mention it afterwards.

I might wait until CW1 is back, as I don't know if I can change case workers and wouldn't want her to get wind of it and behave like a dick. Shouldn't be too long (application should conclude in about a year, CW1 should be back in about 10-12 weeks). But I do think this is a dangerous attitude to have if you're assessing such important and costly applications plus it's very worrying for us now thinking we're going to have trouble for no valid reason.

Moving to US? CW1 will be back in no time as maternity is 6 weeks, or 12 for a c-section if my memory serves me right. But if it's coming to UK then she could be off a year.
She sounds like just because she prioritieses being married that everyone should. I'd ignore it for now and see what else she comes up with. Maybe put in a complaint later, keep records of her contact and attitude.

When CW1 left she said she would be back in 16-18 weeks when she emailed to advise she was going and that we'd be assigned a new CW, so I'm inclined to believe that's how long she'll be. I haven't had a child here but I think the legal entitlement to paid mat leave is about 4 months so that's about right. Not the UK or USA though!
I'll definitely keep record of anything else that CW2 says though

Has she got a point though?

Registry office weddings in the U.K. aren't expensive (not sure where you are living). It costs £46 plus £4 for the certificate at my local registrar.

Would being married reduce the immigration hassle and costs?

I only ask as friends went throught this and they did so knowing that being married would have made it much cheaper/easier but they didn't want to be "forced" to get married before they chose to.

Unfortunately, marriage doesn't matter unless you can't fulfil the 12 month defacto (living together as a couple) requirement, which we can 4x over. i don't agree that anyone can say someone is less committed because they can't get married. It doesn't make the cost any less (more, as the visa cost would've remained the same as would associated costs plus we'd have a wedding to pay for!) and the hassle isn't any less either. You must provide forms of evidence like financial evidence bank statements joint travel and events proof you're seen as a couple socially and by your family etc and most of the proof (financial especially) is to span the time of your relationship/marriage irrespective of how long that is. you have to provide that whether you're married or applying under the relationship category it just doesn't matter whether you're showing them that you've been married for 6 months or 6years where they're stricter (1yr plus) if you're not married. But as we're 4x over that limit it wouldn't have helped us anyway.

We genuinely could not have afforded even the cheapest most basic wedding (between $550-$750 depending on which office was used and the cheapest one would've incurred further travel costs, and that was only including the basic ceremony and marriage cert no extras and a jeans and t shirt affair).

Even now the wedding package we want, fairly basic, no food provided (we'll go for a meal after) and only a handful of guests and a $100 dress will set us back about $1300. We're not one of those couples that won't marry unless we can have a $40,000 wedding, I think the average is something like $37,000 . We just couldn't afford it and that is very clear in the bank statements we had to provide, I could maybe understand that attitude if we had a few thousand spare but as much as I hate to admit it after we paid the application fee we had just enough in our current account to get us to the next payday (which can be cross referenced to living costs that were the same in previous statements) and $11 in our savings account. we were on a strict diet of beans, lentils and overtime to make everything work and to come up with the money for my visa.
If we had been short and unable to apply I would have possibly been able to stay for a few months longer on a non working visa but then we would've lost my wage and that would've made it even harder to save for my visa.

In any case though it is irrelevant even by the official department guidelines so it really shouldn't matter to the caseworker, which is why I'm considering a complaint.

Where do you live and where is the visa for?

I think you'd find more helpful, relevant information on one of the big expat forums tbh. Tons of people there who have been through the process themselves or are currently, with information and experience for immigrating into specific countries.

I've read of people having applications rejected even when they were married, together for 7 years and had 2 children together, because they didn't provide enough pictures of their relationship. The burden to prove a relationship is genuine and subsisting falls squarely on the applicant.

Where do you live and where is the visa for?
^Irrelevant and nosey.

And I don't think she's asking for help with the immigration process, sounds like she knows what she doing.

The CW was VU and you have a right to be angry at her comment. However I would let it slide whilst the process is on going just to save any hassle.

No it isn’t Nessie. Eg the cost of getting married varies wildly according to country.

Personally I wouldn't put in a complaint. Putting in a complaint will piss off the people in the system processing the visas - you want them on your side, being helpful. You need to be making their lives as easy as possible.

If you meet the criteria you should get the visa.

If not being married would undermine your ability to get the visa then you should have a very cheap quick wedding ceremony to meet the requirements, then maybe a party later when you can afford it - this is what many people who are applying for visas have to do.

I've been through the US visa process twice, and DH has been through the UK visa process, and our experience is that if they say 'jump' you say 'how high'.

Bofster37
She's already said she can't afford the visa and a wedding, and even she had the money why should she be forced to get married to gain immigration status?

She's already said she can't afford the visa and a wedding, and even she had the money why should she be forced to get married to gain immigration status?

When you immigrate there are many things you're forced to do that you don't really want to. I had to get married, have a medical examination that could only be done by one doctor in the UK (during which, among other things, I was questioned extensively about my mental health and had a few more invasive examinations), have blood tests to prove I didn't have AIDS, have an X-ray to prove I didn't have TB, receive a wide variety of vaccinations, provide a police record from every country I'd ever lived in, fly thousands of miles at short notice for appointments, prove I had thousands in savings, prove that DH and I were in a 'real' relationship including being questioned separately and aggressively, and much much more.

TBH, getting married was the easy bit :-)