'Found' my half sister on Insta & am well jel...

[CanalCruiser]

Backstory: My dad had an affair when we were little & my mum kicked him out. He went off to live with the OW (think he just turned up on her doorstep with his bags) & we saw him sporadically some holidays for a number of years after but pretty much all contact had fizzled out by our teens.
He didn't pay maintenance (my mum took him to court on a number of occasions, he never turned up, so she was eventually awarded £80 a month for 2 kids. Even in those days (25 years ago) that was a pitiful amount.
I tried reinstating contact when I was a young mum myself (early 20s) as I wanted my child to have a grandfather in their life. (My mum is not UK born & her parents had gone, a few family members still, but in her home country)
My dad had remarried (didn't invite us, only mentioning after the fact, when showing us some photos. This was probably when I was around 10.
When I reinstated contact, I was invited to stay with them (they live a number of hours away) & I went & stayed 2 nights with my child. I had the opportunity to see that my shit dad was a great dad to his new daughter (my half sister) who was now in her teens. I was a little jealous as I had been a real daddy's girl as a child & would sob my heart out when going home after holidays, but appreciated that he would probably have been the same with me if we had lived together and gave him the benefit of the doubt that he lived far away & he thought we had 'replaced ' him with my mums new partner (they had a child at a similar time my dad & his new wife did, when I was about 10) I hadn't, not sure where he drew this conclusion from. My mums partner actually worked away & our relationship with him was fairly non existent.
Anyway, I know that now my 'sister' lives not too far away from me (20mins from me, a few hours drive from my dad) but on instagram I've seen pics of my dad at her house & am so sad that he never made any trips to see us (before she moved there, or since)
AIBU looking at her insta torturing myself?
It makes me so sad that he didn't try & have a relationship with us, but she seems to have a really lovely one with him. I feel replaced.

FizzyGreen makes an interesting point.

Does the other daughter know about you though?

So many of us with shitty dads... for us all!
He doesn't even know he has a grandson. I sent a birth announcement for my middle child, but heard nothing so didn't bother announcing my youngest.
My sister does know about us. Apparently she always wanted an older brother and was upset to miss out on a relationship with him. (It's me & my brother who dad left originally)
That little gem was courtesy of my step mother when I visited them with my first child that time. She's also the one who told me that my dad was 'replaced' by my mums partner, same visit.
She said many inappropriate things to me as a child, which is a whole other thread in itself really. I'm not completely surprised he didn't just abandon the thought of other kids just to make his own life easier, she's horrid.
Anyway, you're all right, he's a waste of space & I'm alright anyway. I'll not bother looking at her insta anymore. Having my feelings acknowledged by you lovely lot is all I think I probably needed. Appreciate MN more than ever now (& parking wars & unknown use of tumble driers have gotten me through many a dull moment, so...)

Mine doesn’t know I’m married or have a child. I was well and truly replaced age 4. Forced to have contact with him until 18 but since then it’s clear he doesn’t want me around. He stopped me having contact with my favourite aunt too (long story there) and no one told me of her death last year. I found out when I thought I’d google her to see if she was still in the same area and send a card as no one should have that sort of power. It devastated me.

Sometimes we have to make our own happiness. :)

OP my dad is just like this. He dotes on his daughter who is my half sister and has never been around for me in any way really, not even a birthday card. I did get to see him and speak about it a few years back and he said he has made up for not being around for me, by being around for her Then to top it off he said (unprompted) that when he dies he'll leave everything to her and nothing to me.
Then he moved and didn't let me know, so I don't know his address now anyway.
It's very hard. I don't blame my half sister as she doesn't know the half of it probably. I don't know much about her. In your shoes I'd definitely delete insta
Thanks for your thread though- I can see from the outside that it is not in any way at all your fault it is him. My own dad makes me feel shit and theres a tiny part which thinks I'm inadequate when really its him who is, and a tiny bit that thinks I'm less good somehow than the half sister, when really I know that's not true. When I hear about other similar twats I can see it all more clearly.

Sometimes you don't know what the reality of them having stayed would have been.

My father left for another country when I was four. When I met him again as a teenager I realised how lucky I was that he had gone, frankly.