At what the doctor said to my son!

[Peachyfizz]

I don't think IBU but I'm angry atm so wanted to see what others thought before I put in a complaint.

I took my son to the docs this morning about his eczema flaring and to get some cream. She looked at the patches I thought were bad and said "you think that's bad". Trying to make me feel silly. She said "well I'm a doctor and I've seen much worse". Tbh I don't care about that, what I care about is that my son has been clawing himself and clearly in discomfort. Anyway she then went on to say about his running around getting muddy or something then went "oops, shouldn't say that now a days. Can't gender assign can I".

This last bit really annoyed me. I put my son down quickly and as it's an unfamiliar place he did a small not loud whine and wanted to sit on my lap again. So she said "oh get over it kid". I wish I had said something but I was dumbfounded at her lack of professionalism.

Would you be angry at that?

Jux, that’s very kind of you, but as a recently retired hospital doctor, I would disagree. It doesn’t matter what a doctor has just witnessed, or what stress they’re under, it’s completely unprofessional to let that affect how you deal with patients.
During my working life I had to cope with the sudden death of my husband at 36, and two attempted hangings by my seriously depressed dd, not to mention all the traumatic cases I handled in theatre.
When I felt too stressed to function, I took 5 weeks off ( for bereavement) and the same for my dd’s first attempt. At work I was dealing with some of the frailest and most vulnerable patients- those with special needs, and elderly cancer sufferers - it would have been unforgivable to treat them with anything less than courtesy, skill and kindness.

Even before I got in the room she was moaning about the check-in screen not working. She had an awkwardness about her like she didn't have a filter on what to say.
She didn't say "you think that's bad" as reassurance. I didn't even say it was bad, I just said he had worse patches. I was calm werent panicked just asked for more cream for him. My son was being so good, sitting on my knee quietly until I put him down and he whimpered a bit. He's only 22 months so luckily doesn't understand.
Just not a nice experience really. I think I may complain and then request in future not to have her.

speakout. It’s just taken me 5 minutes for that to compute. Initially I thought he was complaining about more kids/more work for him. Clearly I need more coffee! It’s easy now to think of witty retorts, but it must have been awful for you at the time, what an arse.

Peachy. If you can be bothered you’d definitely be doing others a favour if you write a letter of complaint. I really should about the nurse I saw a couple of weeks ago, but I really can’t be bothered, I’ll just see someone else next time (mine was totally her tone & attitude, very difficult to convey in writing).

I think that comparisons can be useful. My son has eczema, and we used to have hydrocortisone for when it was bad, as well as the day to day cream. Except I was quite scared of the side effects of the hydrocortisone, and didn't really know what was bad enough to warrant its use. Having a nurse tell me that a particular patch was objectively quite bad (when I thought it wasn't that bad) was useful to me.

But tone of voice and attitude is everything. A reassuring "Okay, that's not too serious, we can give you some cream that will help" is much more appropriate than dismissing your concerns. If it happened again, I would probably ask not to see that doctor in future.

AnnieAnoniMouse- yes, sorry.
At the time I actually felt shame. I wish I had come back with an angry or even witty retort, but I just wanted the ground to swallow me up.

She sounds like a cow, and I would have been upset myself, but I also think you should leave it and get on with something that makes you happy.

does it matter if its better or worse than other people -op doesnt care shes just concerned about her own son

oh youre heart attack isnt as bad as someone elses-can u imagine someone saying that

my gp hardly even looks at you if she doesnt have to i always tryu and get someone else

Complain to the practice manager, you may be pleasantly surprised

GPS are under huge stress but that is not acceptable

I walked out of a GP's office once because of an attitude like this - she ran after me and was extremely apologetic. Probably because my impending complaint to the GMC just occurred to her.

Absolutely complain.

OP I agree with Babdoc - no excuse for the off-hand way in which your GP spoke to you. I say this having worked as a doctor doing some dreadful hours.
If you feel able to I would contact your practice manager to avoid this happening again (perhaps with somebody feeling more vulnerable).

Speakout- how horrible for you. I am afraid that just as in other professions there will always be a minority who behave clumsily or occasionally those who are in the wrong job. Try not to punish yourself with what you could have said. When people behave with decency & sensitivity themselves they are often thrown by that sort of behaviour .

Practice managers are the employees of the GP partners. They are not in any position to "haul the GP over the coals".

Practice managers are the employees of the GP partners. They are not in any position to "haul the GP over the coals".

Sadly, this is the truth. Practice manager don't have that kind of power.

Practice manager should still speak to the GP concerned though which might make them more aware of the effect of their conduct. Failing that there is having a word with the senior partner (assuming the difficulty is not with them).

At my NHS GPs you can request which Doctor you see, and even choose not to see one. I would make a note of the GP you have seen and make sure not to see them again. If they are a Locum or Trainee it can be well worth complaining. If you don't have a choice of GPs I'd see if thee is another practise you can use instead.

My named GP is so lovely that you have to book a month ahead to see her (unless you are very lucky with the emergency appointment).

I would complain to the Practice manager, and avoid that Dr in future. Her comments about your child whining were awful. The rest wasn't great, but the last bit was really not on.

As others have suggested, I would write complaining to the Practise Manager.

Really though? Read OPs very subjective account of her appointment. She does not indicate that her son did not receive appropriate medical care or treatment. We must all now be aware of the massive financial and time restraints that NHS primary care is under. Yes we would all love every encounter we have with a health professional to be warm, friendly and empathic. But if the basic job is being performed in a satisfactory fashion, is it really fair to use up yet more time and resources by complaining that you didnt quite like the attitude?

Tiger - the way a doctor behaves towards their patient can have a very real impact on future health-seeking behaviour. A polite,caring and empathic attitude should go with the job. I worked for years in both general practise and hospitals when doctors’ on duty hours were far worse than they are now. There is no excuse for the behaviour.
My premise was always that no matter how tired or stressed I felt this could be my mother, brother, sister ,daughter that I was caring for.
How a doctor speaks can have far-reaching effects. It really does not take much effort to show a little patience, kindness or sympathy in this world.
It won’t take much for a practise manager or senior partner to have a word. I would worry that this GP might prevent a depressed patient from opening up to them with her attitude.
Well worth the time to make this GP re-think her approach in my opinion.

Report to the general medical council? And refuse to see her ever again and then if ever asked why say exactly why.