It’s all in the title really. 
WWYD? DH has told me to do nothing , out of deference to his relationship with his friend (K).
Background situation: K’s wife, B, is a drunk, a nasty abusive, manipulative, weepy , waily, every-one-elses-fault-but-mine sort of drunk. She systematically falls out with her family, I think she’s been NC with one sister for about 7 years, and the relationship with her other sister and parents are fraught with tension. Her DH – K – for context is emotionally a bit of a cold fish.
I avoid B as I have been on the end of several of her drunken rants (I don’t drink) when we have been out as a social group. I sit very quietly on my own when she is around with my eyes on the floor, this apparently makes me ‘not fun’ and ‘boring’ and 'a bully'. This is to the point now that 4 couples will not invite K&P to any functions because of her aggressive behaviour towards me or her sister who is also part of our friendship group. So everyone else is polite enough if we are in the same place, but no longer include them when plans are being made. So that is the background.
My DH is very ill, its on going, he will die, it’s been a rollercoaster of three months, he had another hospital admission on Friday last week. Not particularly serious enough to warrant me calling all of our friends and family. B however works in the pathology lab of the hospital. Sunday Evening , B has text me to ask how DH is (and it’s a very passive aggressive text). I ignore at that point as I’m pondering what to say – DH doesn’t want anyone to know he is in hospital.
Within 15 minutes B has text a mutual friend, weepy waily, saying I ignore her. Mutual friend doesn’t reply to B for 18 hours, knowing DH doesn’t want visitors and is feeling vulnerable. So after 18 hours, thinking DH has been discharged, mutual friend thinks its safe to tell B that DH is admitted to hospital. B then goes scurrying off to visit DH, who is actually still on the ward waiting for pharmacy to deliver his drugs – DH is too polite tell her to go away – and of course her DH, K, is one of his long standing friends so he simply isn’t going to be rude to her, no matter how inappropriate she is. B also makes a big thing about this being her break and shes not visiting in work time. She does not enquire after me or the children.
I would point out in the past three months neither she nor K have text me or called round to see if I need any support. (K has been in direct contact with DH and visited him in hospital and at home) I have bumped into her once and she smiled and kept walking. Our extended group have been fantastic, they have picked me up when I was crying, sat with me all night through intensive care, ferried me to and from the hospital, put meals in front of me, done my shopping, and generally kept me sane.
I am absolutely furious that she has instigated a conversation to legitimately obtain information that she already knows using hospital privilege to wind me up – and this is about winding me up because I haven’t responded to her text, ergo I must ‘hate her’.
DH has told me to drop it as he and K are long standing friends and it would cause a seismic shift if I did tell her what I thought of her. –attention seeking needy drunk-- But I actually have a whole list of things I want to get off my chest – none of which she will take on board, this will be projected as me being nasty. I’m absolutely bloody furious she has taken it upon herself to visit DH when he’s vulnerable, pump him for information, whilst using the guise of ‘our friendship’ when she’s anything but a friend these days.
MN collective would you take the moral high ground and do nothing - I have tried once before to discuss her behaviour with her and all I got for my efforts was a snarl and the comment 'you make me want to hit you' and 'don't make this my fault' - this is when shes sober 
or have you got a better idea?