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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu/wwyd - screaming child

62 replies

SM1234 · 08/03/2018 08:23

Hi

I really would like some help with this situation....

I live in a small one bed flat, it’s an old block and solid concrete/breeze block built so not paper thin walls.

The neighbours downstairs have a child aged between 2-3 which screams to the point it is gagging on its cries for hours on end. Last night it started about 10 and went on until around 1, it screams and screams getting itself more and more distresssed.

It’s a very small flat, one bed converted into two bed, so you can shout from one room to the next. The parents just shout at the child to “shut the f*k up you little cnt” at the top of their voices and don’t go in to settle the child. If they do get up, amongst their shouting, they bang and crash around.

I am really struggling to know what to do, I’m concerned for the child and I’m seriously sleep deprived.

The father is a very agggressive character and I’m scared to knock and talk to them and the mother never speaks, even if I do see her on her own.

Friends of mine suggest social services but that sounds like I being VU, I’m aware children do cry and parents do get annoyed. However this has been going on for about a year. What would you do?

Thanks

OP posts:
LadyRenoir · 08/03/2018 09:24

I hope no one reports us, because my baby cries all day and sometimes no way to soothe him.

But if they are shouting at him/seem neglectful, I think do call SS.

acquiesce · 08/03/2018 09:28

Hi,
We have a 2 year old who has night terrors and screams a lot at night - I would hate to think that was possibly an issue for SS and I don’t think the crying in itself is enough to justify reporting. Or even the leaving the child to cry - although I don’t agree with it myself (we still cosleep and as soon as he cries we comfort no matter how long it takes) a lot of parents do self settling.
HOWEVER

  • crying to the point of ‘gagging on tears’ well that just breaks my heart and is a red flag definitely, this is a point when parents should definitely be going in to comfort, if they haven’t already
  • calling a child a CUNT is fucking abhorrent. I would be reporting for this alone.

If you have a bad feeling, send an anonymous report. If it’s nothing, then nothing will happen to the child, if it is something bad and the child is in danger, you are potentially saving a life.
(Someone reported us maliciously once and they sent us a letter saying they won’t be investigating the case - so SS don’t automatically steal children despite what the TV shows!!)

Verbena37 · 08/03/2018 09:28

I think so many people today are too worried that SS may remove children so they don’t report. That’s isn’t always the case at all. What it means if you report a family is that they will then be able to access support. SS want to help families in general and don’t want to split them up and remove children unless it’s really necessary OP.

TheVanguardSix · 08/03/2018 09:29

The screaming for hours, not so much. Confused

Really?

Minnie13 · 08/03/2018 09:33

Please report this. This is neglect and nothing to do with controlled crying. Of course the parents won't thank you for reporting them but they sound like they're really struggling, have no idea how to treat a child (maybe their upbringing was similar), and can only benefit from outside involvement. There is never an excuse to 'mind your own business' where children are involved, especially when it's not a one-off incident. A year is a very long time in a child's life!

Heartofglass12345 · 08/03/2018 09:35

I would say a 2/3 yr old screaming for that long is unusual, babies usually cry, not 2/3 yr olds! Please phone SS. Have you ever seen the child? Try and record it if you can. This must be horrible to hear Sad

MrsPreston11 · 08/03/2018 09:36

Social services 100%

Cousinit · 08/03/2018 09:41

Gosh that is very upsetting to even read, never mind actually hear. Glad to see you are ringing SS. 100% the right decision.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/03/2018 09:57

This poor little boy is being neglected and emotionally abused, and Lord knows what else is going on. He's screaming every night. He must be terrified. . Please report this. He can't speak out for him self. Heaven forbid, but If anything happens to him You'd never forgive yourself.
We all have a duty of care where children are concerned.

YellowFlower201 · 08/03/2018 09:59

Please report this as soon as you possibly can. I've only got one so i might well be wrong, but it sounds like this child is crying for a very long time. Maybe its in pain?

Xulishesthepilot · 08/03/2018 10:05

Oh yeah, report that for sure. NSPCC or SS.

Deshasafraisy · 08/03/2018 10:07

Report it. That’s not normal.

Apple23 · 08/03/2018 10:09

Please report to social services. If you as an adult are scared of the father, how must the child feel?

ConciseandNice · 08/03/2018 10:22

Can you imagine the horrible life that this small child has?! He doesn’t understand or know anything but being neglected and verbally abused and perhaps even worse. Please report immediately. Record it if you can, no matter how distressing. Please update us, I’m sure I’m not the only one here who’ll be worrying.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/03/2018 10:25

Glad you're ringing SS OP. Poor poor child.

Snowmagedon · 08/03/2018 10:36

Dint say a word to you the but report and stress need for anonymity. But def report. Good luck.

babydreamer1 · 08/03/2018 10:42

Report them to SS let them be the judge of whether the family needs support or the child is in danger. They are there to protect children but also to keep families together where possible.

Sassydoughnut · 09/03/2018 00:00

NSPCC, it sounds like they are neglecting the child.

KJE2017 · 09/03/2018 00:21

Ho OP did you ring ss?

RadioGaGoo · 09/03/2018 01:15

It's been going on for a year? Since the poor little mite was maybe 1 year old? Jesus.

Beeziekn33ze · 09/03/2018 01:39

Sparkly - Yes - those poor little souls who weren't noticed and reported enough to get removed from their toxic environments.

Beeziekn33ze · 09/03/2018 01:42

OP have you seen the child? Does he get taken out, go to nursery?

Backscratchesforever · 09/03/2018 01:49

Poor child!
It’s not worth not reporting, if you do and they get the all clear you did the best you could.
This child needs someone to do right by him. It must be awful for you to hear, I’ve heard similar from my old neighbours, it was very distressing, and I reported after hearing him shout “stfu you f*cling ugly alien”

FizzyDipDabs · 09/03/2018 01:54

The parents just shout at the child to “shut the fk up you little cnt” at the top of their voices*

Social services, please.

MarSeeAh · 09/03/2018 02:01

Please contact Social Services as soon as you can. Poor child!