About Mother's Day and ex's contact?

[Nolongerwithauser]

ExH and I split 4 years ago because he was physically and sexually abusive one time too many.

Fast forward to now and we have a very uneasy, distant but calm interaction. I have our 2dcs Tues-Sat and he has them Sunday, Monday to Tuesday after school, where I collect.

He won't let me see them on Sunday as he has plans. To take them somewhere that operates every day apart from Christmas Day so not a one off. I wanted to see them 12-3 because my sister is doing a tea party. He's pony blank refusing as it's 'his day'.

I got 19k out of a 220k house. He kept the house. He doesn't pay maintenance. He gets 1 of the children's child benefits. I have conceded and conceded so as not to antagonise him and to keep the peace. AIBU to feel really upset? I know it's only a day BUT I work hard for my DC's. I work FT whilst doing the bulk of the parenting. I take the days off when they are ill, there is a snow day etc. AIBU to think I do have a bit of a case to see them?

Not at all unreasonable. But you’re dealing with an unreasonable person. You’ll never ‘win’ this. All you can do is pretend it doesn’t bother you. Never let yourself hope it will change, and alter plans and special events around when you do see the kids. Have your own Mother’s Day/ or brekkie date with the kids pre drop off. Accept that if Christmas falls on his day, you won’t get any consideration and again adjust the day so you still have your special time with the kids. He will never change, but don’t let it change you into a bitter person, then he still has all the control. Ask for nothing, expect nothing, change nothing and show your kids a better example. I am sorry this is the situation, but o my you can choose how it affects you. If you feel very strongly, the only other option is court orders to stipulate how special days are split.

We agreed Christmas, we have stuck to it to the letter. One year one of us had them Christmas Eve and morning and then we swap.

I just feel like he does this because it's obvious Mother's Day is to celebrate your mothering.

The DC's were gutted when they asked and I told them they were leaving at 9am as usual. Oh well, yes I will suck it up.

Do something on Saturday- I know that doesn’t help with the event your sister planned, but at least then he doesn’t get to take it from you. Tell the kids that you will spend Saturday together, do something nice. I’d imagine that will Lisa him off as he’s hoping to destroy and ruin it for you. You are allowed to be upset. I juts wouldn’t let the kids or more importantly him see it. They already know that it’s him, and as they get older, things will become clearer as to who is at fault- you do t need to point it out. People like this, always shoot themselves in the foot. They can’t help it.