To see ex once a week.

[FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin]

Recently ended an emotionally abusive marriage of 5 years (Ex = ‘Sam’). I was a single parent when I met Sam and DD knows Sam as ‘dad’ as he was on the scene since she was 4, married when she was 7. Her real dad - not interested.

For the last 4 months since separating we’ve been having dinner at home once a week and she tells him about school etc. I would not have her meet him alone as he has very very poor judgment about many things. It breaks my heart each time we have these dinners.

I feel like I can’t move on, but I can’t sever DDs relationship with her stepdad.

He's really not still going to visiting her when he meets someone else or if he has children. So the sooner you cut him out the easier it'll be for her.

Leaving aside his effect on you and the fact you don't trust him alone with her, 1000 times this.

@AnathemaPulsifier

That must be one of my favourite books ever!

Emotionally abusive people will use and manipulate you with whatever 'tools' they can, playing on your heart strings over children whether they are biologically his or not is a very well used one and for good reason it's extremely effective.

You want to believe part of him is good and loving so your DD doesn't lose a relationship, but if he was authentic in his connection with your DD then he wouldn't have been abusive towards you, when a man hurts a mother he hurts her children.

He may well be nice to her but really I would be willing to bet that his relationship with her is a means to an end, a way to keep his foot in the door for access to you.

The weekly visits would still happen if you had no child and shared a dog or cat instead, he'd want to see them part time or he would conveniently forget some of his things/ have important post to pick up from yours for prolonged contact.

The question is why would you want someone like this around your DD, if he's not good enough for you he's most certainly not good enough for her, is he?

Why would I want him around? I suppose the importance of having a father figure and I feel like I have let dd down.

It would be far healthier for you to raise her with no father figure than an emotionally abusive step dad.

Keeping him around is paramount to letting her believe it's ok for a future boyfriend/partner to treat her like he does you.

Yes a father figure is important but only if it's a healthy relationship.

Have you thought about therapy to try and understand why you ended up in a relationship like this?
Not that I'm blaming you in anyway, but learning about your own self esteem and teaching your DD about healthy relationships would be my priority.