To be so very fed up with life?

[TheLongestHell]

I should start by saying I'm not depressed but I'm feeling a little fed up.

I've had ME/CFS for a very long time . I know all the rules for managing it but nothing takes away the symptoms and frankly I'm getting fucked off !

I've returned to work this week after 6 weeks off due to this illness.

I've amended my contract and taken a huge pay cut to reduce my work load .

I work in a fast paced business where everything changes all the time and I simply can't keep up - I don't have the cognitive function to do so.

I finished work today at lunch time and I'm so unbelievably exhausted I can barely function.

I'm in constant pain . I have daily aches, pains and headaches .

I have 3 dc , the youngest is 6. My middle son has SN and he needs constant input unless he's engrossed in his obsession . It drains me.

I'm overweight , awful skin , awful hair , past exhausted and just existing . Every day is like wading through treacle.

I'm snappy and not very nice when I'm so tired.

Every time the DC shout "mum" it makes me want to scream - I just don't have the energy to deal with their constant demands right now .

The 6 weeks I've been away from work have been dull yet I've had a glimpse of what it is like to not feel so bone crushingly tired - I'll always be exhausted but I had time for some normal stuff knowing I could rest too.

I know working makes my illness worse but I can't afford to give it up.

Before anyone suggests (kindly) to have my vitamin b12 , vitamin d etc tested , it's all normal .

I already claim PIP too. Although it's due to be reviewed and that is just more energy I don't have .

What do I do?

It sounds like you're doing really well, to be honest. It made me feel tired reading that.

To me it comes across as you need a bit of time for yourself, to enjoy doing something which makes you happy

I can’t think of anything helpful to say, but I think you’re amazing.

It’s a horrible illness and the fact that you are keeping it together is very impressive. I hope you can find a bit of time for yourself within all this

Sorry you are having such a bad time OP. I know it is really hard living with a chronic illness, I have MS so I can understand fatigue, pain and the rubbish it all brings. Wading through treacle is absolutely right, just how it feels. Cog fog is something I can identify with too.

Have you got anyone to help you with the children? Just to give you a break to rest. Could any further adjustments be made to help you at work.

Also I know it’s probably the last thing you want to hear but do you get a chance to exercise, as you may find that it may increase your energy, help the pain and it’s a bit of time just for you and may make you feel a bit better about yourself.

I am also overweight and I don’t take care of myself as much as I should but I took up yoga a few years back, not strenuous stuff, I go to a group for people with mobility issues, it’s a really supportive, friendly group and it has done me good. I won’t lie, some days I can’t do it, but I keep trying.

Are you on meds for the pain, pain is exhausting in it’s self.

It’s very hard to live with an unpredictable illness, I try to practice mindfulness and avoid situations and people that cause me stress whenever I can. Accepting that I have MS has been the hardest thing I have ever done, it has changed my life and outlook so much.

Have you spoken to your GP or Nurse Specialist for advice. for you and I hope you are feeling a bit better soon.

I really should exercise

Often though I'm so exhausted from working it's the last thing I can afford to spend my energy on.

I'm sorry you are suffering too these illnesses are so cruel.

My DH helps wherever he can but even with rest I still never feel good.

Thank you all for your kind words.

I'm still feeling rubbish today but I've left the pity party

It is really tough OP, please don’t be hard yourself.