To have a baby on my own?

[Tryingtolivelife2]

I’m 30 this year, my dh passed away 1 year ago, we had been together 8 years and he was the love of my life. We had always planned to have a big wedding and loads of children but he was diagnosed with terminal cancer 2 years ago and all our plans changed. Instead of a big wedding I married him in the hospital chapel and obviously we couldn’t have any children but all I cared about was him living. Anyways it’s been a year and it’s still so difficult and I cry everyday but I’m trying to move on. I want to have a baby and am thinking of using a donor because I don’t know if I’ll ever love anyone else like I loved him and if I’ll ever meet anyone else. My family think I should wait but I don’t want to leave it too late and am happy for it to be just me and my child. Any opinions greatly appreciated?

Please do not make any rash decisions whilst you are still grieving. One year is not long at all and you are still young.

I am so sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine what you're through but you're still only 29 and I think maybe waiting at least a year or two would be better. You need to grieve on your own first before thinking about bringing a baby into your life

Hi OP,

I think that while you are still grieving so heavily any major life decisions aren't best made right now. That's not to say that in the future you shouldn't do that if it's what you'd like to do. It sounds like maybe you should look into some kind of bereavement counselling to help you process everything. I can't imagine how difficult it must have all been for you.

It must be very difficult for you as DH's death must make you feel like life is short and no time to be wasted.

I'm so very sorry for your loss :(

I think thirty is still young, given time I’m sure you will meet someone so I would wait, at least until you don’t feel so sad as having a child is quite a lot to take on when you are not feeling your best. The choice is yours alone and if you decide to go ahead good you will manage.

Good luck

I very, very strongly agree with the other posters. You are still very young, and you have and are still going through a tremendous period of loss and grief. You need to allow yourself time before you make such a massive, irreversible decision.

If you're happy and comfortable to have a baby on your own then I would absolutely go for it. However, given that you're still young, perhaps wait another year or two? You're still grieving and being pregnant will stir up a lot of hormones and emotions and that could make this difficult time even worse. Also, although it's hard to see it now, you never know what could happen or who you could meet in the space of a couple of years. If you were still to feel the same in a few years then I'd go ahead and do it. I'm so sorry for your loss OP

You still have time op. I had my last child at 36. Having a baby alone is really tough.

Pregnancy is an emotional rollercoaster. I really wouldn't want to combine it with what must be an awful amount of grief still after only one year.

You still have lots of time at 29/30, so I would definitely give it another year or two before revisiting your decision.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

I agree with others - dealing with pregnancy and a new baby when you are still grieving so deeply may end up being too much for you.

If it helps, don’t think of it as ‘you’ll find someone else’, as that may be too much to deal with right now; but maybe just promise to yourself to wait 2 years to see how you feel, reassess, and if you still want a baby, then go ahead with donor sperm. You will still be in prime fertility at 31/32; and you may have a clearer picture of what the future may hold for you (whether that’s as a single mother or perhaps beginning things with a new partner)

I'm sorry for your loss.

It sounds like you need to work through your grief before making any decisions though. Have you tried bereavement counselling?

So sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how painful it must be, but please be careful not to use having a baby to help you get over your loss.

I had a baby 4 weeks ago, I’m in my thirties and married to a modernhelpful man. I work long hours in the city so am no stranger to hard work (all nighters etc) and it is still the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I would never, ever do it alone. It’s lonely, you have no one to show off to shamelessly about all the little tiny achievements of the baby, and. A big part of the joy is seeing your DH in the baby.

You have plenty of time to find a partner and have a baby together.

Don’t rush into this. 30 is young - I’m 37!

I’d echo waiting a year or two. But I have a friend who did this (just coz single, not bereaved) who has done this and worked out well.

Hey OP, it's just over a year and half on from my husband's death and I've been wondering about having a child on my own via a donor, I'm 34 now. We have a 5 year old and always planned to have more. I don't want to meet anyone else either so can understand that part of your thinking.

The advice I got after he died was not to make any major life decisions in the first year, sadly, so many decisions are huge as a result of what happened and they were solely mine. I'm sure you can relate to that.

I would suggest giving yourself a bit more time to make your decision, as every time I think more seriously about looking for donors, etc I get a fresh, overwhelming wave of grief.
The decision is yours though, you have to do what is best for you so it's hard to know what to advise really.
Keep your head up, and other useless clichés!