Struggle to conversate with school mums

[Charlottehb1992]

Hi, I suffer with social anxiety 🙄😖 so therefore find it hard to make small talk easily during the school run even though I really want to! My little boy has made best friends with a little boy who’s mum is around my age and we live down the same street! She offered to go round her house but I’m too nervous as can’t stand the awkward silence. We walk home together but I can’t think of anything to ask / speak about?!
What are some good conversation starters I could try.
Thanks!

Can you go to an activity with your children? The focus on them will prevent awkward silences.
In fact you'll struggle to have time to chat in between the nose wiping, bickering, toilet trips, snacks...

Weather, things in the school, funny things your child has done. Or ask her questions, people generally like to talk about themselves.

Assuming your child is young primary and not 14 of course :)

Start by asking questinos and being interested in the answers!

Monday - Did you do anything fun over the weekend?

midweek - how's your week going?

Friday - are you doing anything nice for the weekend?

How is little Johnny getting on at school? or anything relevant to whats currently going on at school.

Anything re children as that's what you have in common. Comment that its nice that little Johnny and her LO get on so well!

Good old British weather - isn't it a relief now the snow has gone etc etc?

Did you see (TV programme) last night?

Not the most exciting but better to start with safe conversation topics!

Ask her about herself. If you want to get someone to talk, that's the sure fire way to do it.

Where did uou grow up
How did you find your school days
Do you have any siblings
When did uou move here
Do you like living here
What do you do in your spare time
Have you ever had any hobbies

Even silly things
What sort of stuff does your kid like to eat
Where do you shop
Do you ever do on line shopping
Do you read
Do you get much time to socialise
Where do you get your hair done
Do you have a baby sitter

Anything really. Just ask questions. Then when she shares. You share back or ask follow on questions.

Don't though make it like twenty questions and an interrogation. Say empathetic things like that sounds really interesting, god I'd love to do that, that sounds delicious, yes it's bloody tough isn't it...

I know it's a cliche but the weather is a good place to start conversations in the playground. (Especially after the big freeze last week.) And, as PPs have said, ask how their DC is doing in school. This is easy if that DC is playing with your DS. It's certainly been easier for me with DD2, as she is generally playing with one of her friends.

So have you lived round here long?
Have you got family local?
And when you feel like that's enough questions..
Ive just started watching .. on telly. It's really good.

I love your curtains. I painted my lounge last week. (Edit to fit!!)

And above all. Try not to worry. No one is expecting top level convo or hilarious anecdotes. Just be polite and interested.

Don't though make it like twenty questions and an interrogation. Say empathetic things like that sounds really interesting, god I'd love to do that, that sounds delicious, yes it's bloody tough isn't it..

This. I always feel like it's 20 questions when my MIL interrogates me, it's exhausting!

You mean ‘converse’. Might that be part of the problem?

I doubt it

As someone who suffers with anxiety i know how you feel.
If you feel brave enough you should tell her that you suffer from social anxiety.
Shes probably already picked up on this if I'm honest (she still likes you anyway) you never know she might even suffer with anxiety herself or if not she will help fill the awkward silences with talk or distraction to help keep thing less awkward.

Ask questions that relate to you. Did she grow up in the area? Yes? You too- you can then talk about what schools you went to etc. You came from somewhere else you can ask about the area and what to do.

Do her kids do after school activities? Then you can talk about what you found good and get new ideas for your own kids.

Laugh about being shy if there are pauses in conversation. Most people would be understanding especially if you are good natured about it.

Well done, FlouncyDoves Aren't you clever and hilarious?! You scored a point... Give yourself a pat on the back and piss off. How is your comment going to help an already anxious OP?

Also, you don't have to talk all the time, silence can be companionable too. Don't just talk about nothing because you don't like awkward silences.

Ruby Red what a fab post. Really helpful. When i read it, i thought, i wish Ruby Red was my friend!

OP don't become obsessed but as you go about your day and you hear or see something interesting or unusual, think to yourself, i must tell new school mum friend this or that - new shop opened or we are getting a kitten etc. Remember talking is a two way thing - you have to share, only as much as you feel comfortable with tho, as well as ask questions. I made friends with someone because she smiled at everybody. She was just so lovely, everyone spoke to her!

Take the plunge, this could be the best friend ever.

Start off with saying something nice, such as "Your dress is such a pretty colour" or "I've always liked your garden"
Then you can ask where she shops or does she sew or is she a keen gardener....
Then you can tell her a little bit about yourself such as you are a keen knitter or you would love to grow roses.....

Talking about the children would be good too, what plans you have for the hols, then ask her what she's planned...