Comment about DD

[GrandTheftWalrus]

I was told today that my 21lbs 15 month old DD was fine as I didn't want a "big fat child"

AIBU to be a bit about it?

I think it got to me as much as I was a fat child. I was a size 16 at age 10. So it made me feel like my mum was ashamed of me.

Then that was entirely the fault of your parents.

It sounds as though your mum is feeling guilty that they got it so wrong.

Unless your weight was down to medical reasons etc.

It's not the best way to put it, but does anyone want a "big fat child"?

No, they use metric - but tell the parent in imperial as the vast majority don't understand metric. However they must document it in metric.

OP is it possible she feels guilty about your childhood obesity and doesn't want the cycle repeated? I was big as a child too and am adamant my children won't ever be.

All of mine have been like chubby, wobbly tanks at that age. Belly rolls, double chins, the lot. They still grow up into slim children.

And yet 1 in 3 UK children don't grow into slim kids and the stats are rising.

@JanDough - that was actually an extremely disgusting thing to say. Are you saying that if she were heavier, she'd be a fatty?
What a way to call a child.

OP, I think baby's have a bit of a belly because their livers are proportionally quite large, so it makes their tummy protrude.

You are over-thinking this. She's the right weight for her height, so there's nothing to worry about there. Was your mother replying to a comment you'd made which showed you thought she should weigh more? So she was trying to reassure you?

'Nobody wants a big fat child' is true. It's a difficult situation for both the mother and the child. If you were overweight as a child, your mother knows what she is talking about. It doesn't mean that if a child is overweight, that child isn't wanted!

So it does sound as if you're being unreasonable to be offended, but also that there are other issues with your DM that make you over-sensitive about the relationship.

Lots of little children have what you say looks like a beer belly, because it is their liver and intestines. Their bodies haven't grown big enough to fit it all within the normal body cavity, so it sticks out the front.

This is what I was told anyway.

I have read somewhere that the number of adipocyte is decided before age of 3, so it determines if the child will be obese in the future or not. I was a obese child, and I was relatively skinny during 20s, but now I am obese again. So being a healthy weight as a toddler seems important.
(I'm not an expert, so I might be wrong.)

Oh, and I was very skinny child.

*not obese child, obese toddler.

I think wording is important though. No - nobody wants their child to be fat, hopefully because they care about that child. However, saying nobody wants a 'big fat child' or 'nobody wants a fatty' to me sounds pretty harsh. People are rejected and wrongly stereotyped for being fat every day of their lives, don't start that in the home already.

It sounds as though she was being insensitive with the way that she said, But you've also taken it a little too personally because of your past

YANBU, but my grandmother had a huge issue with people's weight and constantly made nasty remarks about my sisters weight and made enough comments to me as well about weight and eating.

Only you can say if your mother phrased something clumsily but her heart is in the right place and she is usually nicer than that or if she was being unpleasant because she is unpleasant.

My mother said similar, GrandTheft, about my 13 year old when he was maybe a year old: "ooh, we'll have to watch his weight and put him on a diet when he's older if he doesn't lose those chubby cheeks!".

He was the spitting image of me at the same age, chubby cheeks included - and suddenly the reason behind my lifelong eating disorder became clear... although as my mother's "fond" name for me at that age was Pig Face, I'm actually horrified at my own lack of self-awareness concerning that.

My son is now a healthy weight for his height, eats like most teenage boys do (ie, he only has to look in the direction of the 'fridge and suddenly its empty!), and has very little time for my mother. You want a healthy child, not a "skinny" or a "fat" one (God, how I hate those terms!), and as long as your child's GP/HV think she's healthy, then that is what you need to keep focusing on. Not your mother's out-dated ideas about food and weight. At the very least it says an awful lot more about her idea of being a good parent, than it does about yours.

though, because I know exactly how tough it is.

I was very ill when I was about 7. I had blood poisoning from tonsillitis and lost a lot of weight as I couldn't eat. So when I did ask for food she gave me lots to make up for it and I ended up "a big fat child"

Her heart was in the right place she just went about it wrong.

I think I'm letting my own problems with weight get in the way of probably an innocent comment just worded wrong.

I've struggled with weight for many years and I really don't want to pass that onto DD.