nursery incident

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For the 2nd time in a week my dd has had injuries caused by another child (same child on both occasions). The first was a big bite mark which left a large bruise on her shoulder. The second was a gash on her head that happened when the child hit her with a toy frying pan.

We know these things happen, and frankly I feel bad for the parents as I would be really upset if the tables were reversed and my dd had done the same. However I obviously mostly feel bad for my dd. The nursery are amazing, and always do the relevant safeguarding etc. Like I said, I realise these things happen, but wibu unreasonable to have a chat with nursery? I'm not really sure what they could do though.

Well you can ask them exactly that. Say that you’re concerned and you’d like to know how they intend to minimise risk of further injuries. Perfectly reasonable. You don’t need to make suggestions, they need to tell you.

How old are the kids? Think it makes a difference if it’s 18mo or 4yo

They're 3.5

Mmm at 3.5 I don’t think that’s acceptable in a general way. This child is nearer school age and should not be biting at least!

I would approach the nursery and ask them how they intend to keep your dd safe going forward for this child and what the sanctions were.

Normally nursery’s don’t tell you who the other child is - they will say there was an incident and what they’ve done but will purposefully leave out names

I know oldguard. Problem is dd can talk, and has said what happened both times. I think if it was to happen again in quick succession we'd be quite worried, so I obviously want to prevent that.

My DN was a biter at nursery. She grew up to be a lovely girl who never put a foot wrong.

What do you want to happen to the other child?

I have a 3 year old and in no way is biting and hiting at all acceptable, I would definately want to talk to the nursery about it.

Well, better supervision for one thing, I'd imagine numbereightone? . I hardly think op is calling for the child's head to be mounted on the school gates.

Hmm at 3.5 its very different to 18 months.

A word of caution on the "DD can talk and told me what happened" side though - at 3 my DD told me with much righteous indignation about a boy who hit her with a spanner and then chased her with it until she hid behind the teacher.

Obviously it was a toy spanner, that she admitted.

What she didn't admit is that he did it in response to her hitting him first with a toy hammer because he didn't give her the toy spanner, which she wanted :o

6 of one and half a dozen of the other! Although of course it may not be in your DD's case. But good language skills doesn't always mean an unbiased objective account :o

Not sure what else could be done? You say the nursery are amazing - if they are then they will be well aware that this behaviour is not acceptable and will be taking steps to address it - knowing the triggers etc.

I suspect that if this child is a biter (3.5 is quite late for this I think, my son's nursery pal was a biter but this stopped at about 2.5 and they are great friends!) then there will be other 'victims' as well.

These things do happen at nursery though.

We had this at 18 months old and I was sympathetic towards nursery and parents of the biter as it's within the realms of typical behaviour for an 18 month old. I went in to have a discussion with them about it just so I understood what they were doing to try and put a stop to it. I left v happy and felt reassured they were dealing with it appropriately.

However, biting and hitting children with toys is not acceptable behaviour in a 3.5 year old. There are likely to be underlying issues and I would want reassurance that the nursery we're dealing with it appropriately. A biter at 3.5 is v.v different to a biter at 18months/2 years old.

Evely they are obviously made for each other

Yes agree biting is kind of understandable at 18 months but not at 3.5.

I think these things happen. My ds is 4 and is always coming home from school with injuries caused by other children, mostly accidents. His biggest injury at school was caused by his brother which was probably a big relief to his teacher as it was quite severe and I probably would have complained if it hadn't been caused by my own child.

Sadly they are at different secondary schools now Theresamay but you never know :o

Yes I agree they have probably taken appropriate steps so maybe I don't need to say anything, which is why I was canvassing opinion. I also agree that it's wise not to blindly go with dds account, however it's the nursery who told us what happened and dd who just said who it was. She also has the marks to prove it.

And numbereightyone, you clearly haven't read my op where I said that I understand that these things happen, in addition to having sympathy with the parents.

I think I would be less concerned if each incident was involving a different child. However, it's the same child in the space of a week. Dd is only there 2 days a week too.

I'd be having a word with the nursery. Just to say that it seems like one child is the cause for the two incidents and you'd like to know what's happening to prevent any future incidents.
You never know, the kid could be biting and hitting other children in the nursery as well.
If I was a nursery worker and this happened I think I'd expect a parent to maybe just ask about what was going on.

We've had to deal with this recently with ds's pre school. On two occasions when I went to collect him he had been hurt by another dc, once he'd been bitten the other time he'd been scratched in the face, both times had left marks. On the third time (he'd been hit with a toy, again leaving a mark)I asked for a meeting with his key worker. I asked if it was ds's fault in any or was it justone of those things ie little dc pushing etc. She said that no, ds was pretty much blameless and she went on to describe measures they were now taking to keep the other dc from harming other children. Ds and the other child are around 4 so I knew who the little boy was because ds was stood there going (made up name) 'He did it mummy! It was Charlie. Charlie with the red top on. Right there mummy, by the books'. Obviously the staff just spoke in terms of 'the other child' and never made me feel like I was being ridiculous. Fortunately the steps they took seem to have worked.

Ok, I might just mention it then and see if they have any plans to try and prevent it happening again.

I did read your OP. I just don't see what can be done. A bite or hit can happen in a split second. I don't more supervision could really help in the circumstances.

Fair enough, maybe you think nothing can be done. But she was hit over the head with enough force to mean She had to have her head glued at a&e. The child who did this had bitten with enough force to leave a large bruise on her shoulder just a few days earlier.

I feel like I would be remiss not to raise it with nursery.

It would be reasonable for you to ask the nursery to keep your child away from offending child where possible.
So when washing hands maybe not in same place, at a different table for snack etc.

Hopefully nursery are giving this child the support that they need and there may be measures in place that you have no knowledge off.

But ultimately your child is your concern so I think reasonable to highlight your concerns.

My son got bit a few times when he was new in the pre school room. Don’t know if it was same child but something that was said made me think it may have been.

Don’t know what they did but it hasn’t happened again.

Thank you lucky. Those are the sorts of things I was thinking, I'm just keen to know a support system will be put in place in case that particular child is going through a difficult phase etc, so that (where possible ) dd isn't hurt again.