To find making friends impossible

[Hobnobsarenotfordunking]

I seem to have found myself 31 and with barely any friends, especially since having DS. I have an NCT group I meet for coffee every so often, but wouldn’t call then proper friends really. Have one best friend from school who I haven’t seen since Xmas despite suggesting meeting up several times. One other friend who has 2 DC and so is vey busy and so I barely see.

I need to make a new friend, but I have no idea how! I get along with work colleagues but nothing in common so they having progressed to friends. I don’t have any hobbies and so am stuck and getting rather lonely!

Sorry to hear you're finding this difficult - there are an awful lot of people in the same boat, but all around you it looks like everyone else has lots of friends!

Do you have any time to yourself where you could take up a hobby? I found that the best way to make friends - time with the same group of people, who have an interest in common, over and over - and eventually something sticks.

I know a lot of people talk about making other mum friends via their kids, but honestly I found that so much of my time was diverted to the kids that I hardly had any time to have proper conversations! Although it did improve when they started school and wanted to have friends over - in the early days the mum would come too and in a small number of cases the mum friendship took off as a separate entity.

I was always bad at 'small talk', so that made now-and-again casual chit-chat difficult. Much better where I was involved in something with a group of people on a regular basis.

Have you had a look at the Peanut app? I've met a few really lovely Mum friends through that

I have given up at 46 and in the process of volunteering to befriend elderly home alone members of my community.

I'm in the same boat OP! I added the 'Mush app recently and reached out to some mum's with baby's the same age, who were local to me, and I've had a couple of meet ups and lunches already. It's made a huge difference for me and I'm definitely feeling a lot happier

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I found a really good blog recently howtomakefriends.co.uk It's really helped me to realise who my real friends are and i've made new friends following the tips and shes motivating on instagram too :)

Thanks everyone. I do go to a dance class once per week but no-one there for me to be friends with.

I will try the Peanut app, thanks for the recommendation.

I also find chit chat rather difficult and so probably don’t form friends as easily as I could. I get on better with men but am quite feminine and so don’t try to form friendships with men because in the past they have always wanted more in the end.

And I completely get the difficulty making friends thing OP. We move quite frequently, so I have to start all over again with friends pretty often I'm quite shy as well, and like you, get on better with men than women

I think the trick is to keep talking to people till you find someone you click with. It's so much easier when conversation flows naturally rather than forced small talk and filling silence!

I find it's easier to make friends if you help out with the organisation of whatever you're doing. There's always a job that people want doing, anything administrative is a good bet.

I hear you OP I'm in the same boat as you!

I've moved around the country so many times as a teenager never really put roots down as such and emigrated to the other side of the world with DH and kids. When we came back 5 years ago I had to start all over again. Five years on, the only friend I have is my next door neighbour!

I'm self employed and work from home so don't have the opportunity to meet work friends
My kids are in their teens so don't have the opportunity to meet friends via school/nursery etc.

I joined a gym but no one speak to anyone! It's all head down, earphones in and get on with it.

How old is your DS? I found it slow to make 'new mum' friends while on mat leave, especially as I didn't do NCT. It did happen slowly, though. I kept on persisting with the people I did click with - a meet up here, a coffee there. Eventually progressing to things like meeting up with other halves on the weekend, etc. It really did take time though - I don't think I properly counted them as friends until I'd know them for at least a year. Four of the mums I met on mat leave became good friends, although I don't see them very often anymore as we're all back at work and I moved some distance away. (DC1 is now nearly 5). I've found it much harder with DC2 (now 2.5) and even DC1 starting school hasn't magicked up a whole new raft of friends as I was vaguely hoping it would. Doesn't help that I work FT and most of the mums round here are SAHP, so I just don't get to socialise during the week and we don't have masses in common, lovely as many of them are.

But, really, I think the main thing is just seeing the same people regularly. That's how you work out that you 'click' and/or have similar mindsets or stuff in common. It really does take time though!

DS is 16 Months. I still see a few of my NCT group weekly at classes so I do get to socialise as such, but I don’t really class them as friends. Like if I moved away I probably wouldn’t keep in touch with them.

I think I just feel like something is missing, and that something is a really good friend.

I've been using peanut since I first found out I was pregnant, I unfortunately had a miscarriage and that shattered my world.
I found a great support and network of women on peanut who have been through the same thing and I've connected with people who are going through the same thing.
This is been a serious help for me and so happy to have a place like peanut to share those things