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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to wish I could have a mothers day filter?

13 replies

purplelass · 07/03/2018 11:38

I'm sick of everything being about 'treating your mum' etc for mothers day. Mine passed away 6 years ago and it still hurts.
DD is 14 and I know she's managed to get me a card but her dad (my exH) has let her down on the gifts he was supposed to be ordering for her to give to me so now she's upset too.
I've told her it's not about presents, it's about spending the day together which is exactly what we'll be doing, but I've had enough of the constant reminders...
I absolutely get that it's a happy time for most people but just wish there was a filter so I didn't have to be bombarded with it... I also think that women who have lost babies / children / couldn't have them in the first place must feel the same.

OP posts:
Lethaldrizzle · 07/03/2018 11:45

No just ignore it. Just be happy for all those people enjoying it. I don't have both my parents but have no problem with others celebrating theirs. Same for Valentine's day. Why would you begrudge others celebrating it . It's all a bit curmudgeonly.

ImSoExhausted · 07/03/2018 11:46

On my first mother's Day, I was in hospital and only able to see DS for 20 minutes.
On my second mother's Day I had a late miscarriage, I'd only told people I was pregnant the day before. Honestly, it was the worst day of life.

Since then, I've not really felt like celebrating too much. Husband acknowledges it with a card and some flowers usually, but this year he wants to go out for lunch, I honestly don't think I have it in me.

Spend time with your daughter and just enjoy each others company. It's just another holiday for shops to make money on, don't get too stressed or upset 💖💖

Original poster
purplelass · 07/03/2018 11:47

Why would you begrudge others celebrating it . It's all a bit curmudgeonly.

Um... I didn't say I begrudged anyone celebrating it, just that it hurts when the world is telling me to buy stuff for my mum when I can't. I just want to shut it out for me.

OP posts:
ThisLittleKitty · 07/03/2018 11:49

You could say the same about Father's Day though, or valentines day? Just ignore it it's not a big deal. No point winding yourself up.

rockshandy · 07/03/2018 11:54

I am NC with my parents and it's just another thing in the year that I have to get through without breaking down at the enormity of my situation.

For the past two years I specifically told my DH that I didn't want the day acknowledged apart from the DCs hand making me a card if they wanted to. For the past two years he has ignored me in fear of me regretting my decision on the day.

This year he has finally accepted it and is letting it go past unnoticed. I am just ignoring all the other stuff as best I can.

I don't begrudge anyone being happy and celebrating their mum, I just don't need the constant reminder that I never had the mum I deserved.

bigbluebus · 07/03/2018 11:55

I think you just need to develop your own filter for such things. It will be 2 years next week since my DM died so I have no one to buy for or celebrate with. My DD also died just over a year ago and my DS is away at Uni and I'd be surprised if her remembered Mother's Day tbh. I just slot it into the 'doesn't apply to me' section of my life just like World Book Day and many other events that don't affect me any more.

I hope you have a lovely day spending time with your DD OP and maybe you could spend a little time sharing some happy memories of your Mum with her during the day. It doesn't have to be about gifts.

Trinity66 · 07/03/2018 11:57

aww sorry about your mom, maybe tell your daughter that what you'd like to do is spend sometime remembering your mother with her, maybe put some flowers at her grave, go for a nice lunch and tell her some stories about her grandmother Flowers

Turnedacorner · 07/03/2018 11:58

I hear you OP. My children have chosen to be NC with me and although I'll be sharing the day with my own mother I am and will be dying inside.

Snowmagedon · 07/03/2018 12:03

I lost mine too in my twenties, suddenly with no warning it was brutal.

What was even more brutal was discovering not every mum actually is devoted to their child and loves them like mine loved me.

It was painful for the first few years but now it's fine. I love seeing people appreciate their mums... I'm glad people out there still have one.

LadyinCement · 07/03/2018 12:05

It's Wednesday! Why are you saying that you know she's got you a card, but the presents blah de blah... My dd is 14. I have no idea what her card plans are for Sunday. It's up to her. At 14 you do not need an agent and if they have to be prompted into getting something, well, I'd rather not have anything.

Agree with bigbluebus - you have to filter certain things out. I have no parents. Am I sad about this? Of course. But that's life. I lost my parents early on, but if life follows it's natural course then we will all be losing our parents at some point.

I think we are on a dangerous course if the "trigger warning" business starts extending to family celebrations.

Original poster
purplelass · 07/03/2018 12:13

At 14 you do not need an agent and if they have to be prompted into getting something, well, I'd rather not have anything.

She knew what she wanted to get me ages ago and had to buy it online so asked her dad to do this for her, which is what we always do for presents.
He obviously couldn't be bothered and she's just found up when she chased him to see when it would be delivered.
So no prompting, just a girl who's upset that her plans for me didn't work out. She'll come up with something I'm sure...

OP posts:
PinataDonk · 07/03/2018 12:14

I'm sorry about your mum OP. Ive lost two babies this year so am a bit of an emotional mess. Still Mother's Day doesn't sting me because my mum and I (although very very close) have never really celebrated it I don't even think of it as a "thing".

I know it's hard when everyone else is preening and being me me me on social media but just hide their posts and remember your mum. I think this quote came from the queen when the queen mother died: "grief is the price we pay for love." I find it comforting somehow.

Original poster
purplelass · 07/03/2018 12:17

pinata
"grief is the price we pay for love."

Thank you for this quote, it's perfect

OP posts:
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