to think trying to obtain a dx for adhd is just soul destroying for many parents?

[staydazzling]

i tried to get the ball rolling last summer, nothing really has been done, i was told cahms considered ds too young which i though fair enough and was later on further enquiry was offered parenting classes which i took as i thought it cant do any harm and they were okay some good points,but i was disapointed it had no real SEN angle, when so many parents end up there on the DX route it seems a let down. I expressed my concerns to his class teacher and rang her with my consent and she gave me the feedback,which i appreciated but felt like using words liks "excitable" and "can struggle to sit and focus" kind of minimises the hyperactivity side what ive been saying for years. Especially with ADHD i feel theres a lot of stigma from professionals still (ppl who should know better) and its all a bit grim im feeling quite low with it today, any other parents experienced feeling like this ???

I haven't been there with ADHD but with ASD. I did manage to get both kids diagnosed in the end but it did feel like a battle at times and I certainly felt very dismissed and judged by some HCPs. Overall I was pretty lucky with the LA we happened to live within but many parents have to fight for years.

I'm currently trying to get myself assessed for autism, too, and that has been a truly soul-destroying experience so far.

Good luck.

thankyou for your response i also have a child with asd who was dx early and due to being referred by nursery it flew through! i think the unfairness in treatment is galling! wish you the best of luck OP.

a good day was had at school.today by ds which us good , shameless bump x

YANBU. The estimated waiting time for an ADHD assessment in my locality is currently 2 years.

Is there anyway you could consider going private? That’s what I did for my daughter. We got an initial diagnosis and had to pay for the first couple of prescriptions but then moved back to NHS and the diagnosis allowed her to access extra support and funding at uni (she was 18) I know it’s not a solution for everyone and is unfair but I put it on visa and paid off over a few months. Think it was £350.

i didnt know that was an option allywill thankyou ...did you find the attitudes less dismissive??

Much more helpful and supportive. She had struggled all through school especially Primary. If she had got support earlier it would have been so much easier but at least now she is getting the help she needs. Uni have been great and the medication she is on makes so much difference. She says it’s like wearing glasses for the first time!

Yes it was a battle for us. Concerns were first highlighted when he had just turned 4. He was eventually diagnosed at 8 years and 2 months. And I know many families wait even long than we did. It's such a long process, and incredibly stressful.

its terrible how long parents are treated and made to wait for a dx i wonder why it is though?

My dd is going though the same process at the moment and I can see it’s going to be a long frustrating battle. I was the same at her age and I was bright enough to be frustrated by being referred to as “away with the fairies”

We are in the process of trying to get dx. CAMHS has ground me right into the ground...2 years later and nothing to show for it. We are now going private

It’s because it isn’t recognised, as it should be as a brain disorder and on the spectrum.

It took 7 years to be diagnosed with ADHD/ODD. I believe the ODD manifested due to the mis diagnosis in to her teenage years.

I’ve attended numerous parenting classes, benefited from some, not all and like you no real approach to SEN.

I’ve found things much more manageable at home now DD has her diagnosis, understands what it is. She is medicated during school hours and has melentonin (sp) to help her sleep which helps her greatly. Such a grump when she can’t sleep (smile)

Senior school is a different story, I feel like they talk the talk and most do want to help but there isn’t the right resources in place for helping children with ADHD. I must take 2-3 calls a day, DD removed for distracting others - she is very sensory and highly aware of change, noise, anxiety.

We are currently be8ng threatened with a programme with the view to expel her, she is very anxious at the thought of that so has maintained not being removed from any class today which has resulted a very highly strung evening her with her. She can’t cope with holding her anxiety in on every occasion.

I’ll stop now, sorry to have gone on but there isn’t anywhere else that invites me to talk about my DDs ADHD and I wish I could talk about it all day long!

You started it

Oh no daily mail feel free treat this like your worrybucket ! load off as much as you want i cant believe they send people on one parenting classes nevermind several!!! i wouldnt do another as far as im concerned ive done my bit, the handsomely paid proffesionals can do theyre bloody job for a change.

I found getting an ADHD diagnosis fairly straightforward. Ds1 was 10 years and ds2 was 5 years at diagnosis.
On the other hand getting an asd diagnosis for ds2 was a struggle and took a further 3 years.

Our daughter has ADHD; diagnosed at 7, she's now 14. I always knew there was something different about her, but HVs dismissed it as me being a stressy first time mum/PND. At 4, it was suggested by her nursery teacher that she "may just be a child that can never get things down on paper" , and in reception, her teacher was also the school SENCo and picked up straight away that there was an issue.
It took us another 2 years and some horrible meetings with various health professionals (ed. psych: "Do you just want me to tell you she's dyslexic? Maybe then you'll go away and stop bothering me") before she was finally diagnosed. We thought that would be the start of dealing with it, but she's had virtually no support in the following 7 years, other than having various meds chucked at her. After the latest experiment with a new one, that caused her panic attacks, palpitations, shaking, crying, total loss of appetite, confusion and dizziness, she's decided to stop meds all together. In response, her paediatrician has said that she'll see her next year...with a view to discharging her.
We moved her to an independent girls' school 18 months ago, after an awful year at the local state comp; they refused to acknowledge her diagnosis at all, wouldn't give her any support or extra time in exams and she was punished for things that are typical ADHD traits and even mocked by one teacher.

I'll be honest... I bloody hate ADHD. The stress and worry it causes, and the isolation I feel is soul destroying.

I really think of you can afford to pay privately do, I did for my DS and it sped up the whole process hugely.

We’re right at the start of this process for 4yo DS. He has an appointment with a consultant/assessment team next month. He was referred by nursery, so I’m hoping they will listen to what we have to say. Nursery are having their say on the giant questionnaire we’ve been sent, to get a complete picture of his behaviour. I’m not holding out much hope of a dx any time soon, and am fully expecting the parenting classes to be pushed our way.

How old is your ds? Why are they reluctant to diagnose?

Parent sneed to push and push and push some more - stop thinking 'someone's doing something' and go and nag - ask for review dates - ask when they are assessing - be thy parent!

DS got an ASD diagnosis very quickly. He went through the system in about 5 months from referral to dx (which was incredibly fast b(ecause here it usually takes a couple of years here). He actually was diagnosed the same day with adhd (but not table climbing hyper), dyspraxia and dyscalculia. I thought this was going to be the hard part - getting a diagnosis. But no it was battling with the school and EA that was lengthy, stressful and dirty!

I must admit though going through the dx process I felt there was a lot of snobbery and that’s why we were guided, even led through it, so quickly.

DH and I are very polite, well spoken in NI terms, calm, smiley and supportive parents. This was opposed to a few other parents at the assessment centre we would meet who had 5-6 kids, screaming babies and who would yell at the kids to shut up etc
and would say the typical mantra “I can’t do anything with him”.

This is where it’s contentious I know! The assessing lady confided a lot of the kids attending the clinic for assessment were purely the result of poor parenting and she could always tell whether a child was on the spectrum by meeting the parents even before the official psych assessment.

So my warning to anyone I know now going through the process is be dress nicely, be friendly and leave any other kids at home where possible.

I do apologise ahead of any hate mail or criticism, this was my experience and I appreciate that not all testing clinics have such cynical assessors as ours.

@dailymaildontstealmythread

Melatonin is fab isn’t it!

Schools don’t want to offer help and support because it has to come out of their own budget. Additional support funding only comes with an educational statement. I got dx very quickly but the battle with the school took 2 yrs where they told me he was very agitated and holding the class back but would refer him to educ psych for assessment. Eventually took to tribunal and their observational assessment prior to the hearing led to the school getting in trouble for refusing to refer dc and indeed denying such issues existed to the EA (which is why we as parents had to take it to tribunal),

Sorry * typo * school would not refer him to educational psychologist

i think youve summed it up worldsworstcook snobbery! the attitude towards some parents is almost victorian, t
when the first lady came out to see us, she asked me if i lived with my youngests dad i am young but married, and yes ge is the father to both kids, wedding photos inthe lounge i said "im married what part of mrs dazzling threw you off!??" half joking she looked suitably embarrassed ....theyve already decided in their minds havent they ?

Yep sounds right. Just ignore her and show a united front and praise his strengths which continue to shine through despite his other difficulties.