Very complicated situation but will try and be short as I can.
Background: I have been with OH for four years. We are in a long distance relationship. This is because I am in my third year of university, the plan is to move some 3 hours away to be with him when my degree finishes and I give birth.. but looking to move in August time when things have settled. I was on the pill and took it religiously.. however, I caught pregnant with twins. I am now 29 weeks.. My partner is self employed. He has work where I am and where he lives also. There are no commitments and he is able to come up and stay with me and work where I am - there is plenty of shifts going every day.
We have a perfect relationship but his cat seems to be the problem.
He idolises his cat. He has had her for a year. I told him NOT to get a cat until I move in, but he didn’t listen. He will cuddle her to sleep, share the same bed, go on how she is his ‘gorgeous girl’, every time we FaceTime he is sat there and cuddling the cat.. it’s a bit extreme at times but then again I am not exactly an animal person. So maybe it’s normal?
The problem is that I am struggling at the moment to do anything. I have quite bad SPD and back ache. I look 40 weeks pregnant already. I can’t bend. Im struggling to get into the bath. I’m crying in pain whenever I turn in bed. I am limping when I walk. I have a daughter from a previous relationship who is 7. She helps out as much as she can, but now I’m struggling to do the school run. I do not drive so have to walk or get taxi’s. My oh drives.
My OH will come up but is constrained to two maybe three days maximum (will leave lots of food and water out plus heating on 24.7) as he can’t leave the cat. He refuses to put her in a cattery or leave her with his mum as he says it is his ‘responsibility’. He will not bring the cat up in the car, unless she stays up here, because he said it’ll be too much on her for the journey. So it’s working out that once a month, he will come up a total of a maximum 6 days... because of the cat.
I am due to give birth in second week of May. The plan is for him to bring the cat up here (his plan!) end of March/April. He will work up here (has shifts booked in) but he has booked in shifts where he is from end of April for 1 week. He will not bring the cat down as he will be back up in a week. So, I’ll have two newborns, a child and a house cat to look after. On top of that, he has two weekend booked (one stag weekend abroad first week of June) plus paintballing a week after which will be a day or so.
I am starting to resent him and being upset yesterday, told him it’ll be best if you just come when I am being induced. Leave the cat as a one off with your mom or cattery for a week or so when I am giving birth then go back home. Then just come up for your three days every two weeks, like he is doing now. I don’t want to be jealous over a cat as gosh, that is pathetic! But I can’t help but feel like I am second best to the cat.
I have spoken to him about this and he said “but you know she’s my gorgeous girl” and “fine, I’ll stop talking about her if she upsets you so much” also “she is my responsibility to look after her”.
- He will not get rid of the cat. He came to mine for a weekend when it was bad snow and he was going to attempt to drive in feet long snow to get back to her (she had enough food and water out) and he was on the verge of crying because he missed her/scared she was on her own in the house.
- he will only get rid of her if the twins are allergic to her. And to be honest, I really don’t think he will if that ever happened.