Feeling bad for having a day off in the week

[sayerville]

I work 4 days, he works 5.
On my day off I usually catch up with all the chores and all other crappy jobs (occasionally see a friend for coffee) but I hate ironing shirts! I can do the rest but I leave them and he resents me for this.
When he comes home he always asks what I have done today, like he's implying what have you done whilst I have been at work?
Also I have a health condition, find 4 days hard enough and would like to reduce, I'm also 10 years older than him. Before I lost my 3 family members my days off was a godsend in helping them, now it's mine and I feel guilty.
Am I being so wrong?

Does he have arms?
Is he mentally capable of using an iron ie without burning himself?
Of course he should iron his own blasted shirts!!

It sounds like he should do a shedload more in general.

Good luck! ✊

Knock this justifying yourself on the head. Explain that he’s not your parent and you won’t accept justifying your time like this. I don’t do that for my teens!!!

How would he like having to take on all the ‘crappy’ jobs. My guess is he’d hate it! If he lived on his own he’d have to work and do everything else. You really don’t sound like you’re slacking.

Is there part of you that feels like you have to be better because you’re older, with societal norms etc. This isn’t true OP. He chose to be with you!!!

If you're doing chores and crappy jobs then her should be pleased. It must make evenings and weekends more pleasant.
Tell him to arrange an ironing service for his shirts. If you are feeling especially kind you could offer to go and collect them on your day off.
My husband always ironed his own shirts even when i was on ML although we have an ironing lady now.

Theme good points here.....thank you!

There are* some good points I meant to say!

Is he a dickhead in other ways too?

It is hardly a day off if you are doing chores etc.

Either employ an ironing lady just for the shirts or take them to a launderette that offers an ironing service.

You are a grown woman, do not justify yourself to anyone. The only person you need to keep gapoy is yourself.

For me it might come down to money/other contributions. I have a day off in the week where I look after the children and don’t do much housework. I contribute the same amount of money to the joint account as DH so I feel I am more than pulling my weight.

Is your DH subsidising your day off? Could he go part time too? Your health issues might change the assessment of what’s fair.

I certainly think he could iron his own shirts.

The way we pool our money is fair as he has more disposable cash than me pro rata.
I think the fact he does little else when he comes home apart from watch TV or a couple of nights out a week kind of makes up for my day off when I do everything else.
He never does any chores and it's hard work to coax him into doing any household maintenance , I tend to do that lol!

He sounds resentful that he's working full-time when you're not. Does he fully understand your health issues and reasons for not being able to work full-time?

Or can you afford for you both to drop to four days? I can understand becoming resentful of someone else being off an extra day - obviously in your case it's for medical reasons but maybe he just gets a bit frustrated when he sees you having extra time off?

X-post. Are you married? Why does he have more disposable income than you?

Presumably they're his shirts so I can't see why it's your job to iron them! You have a day off which you use to do a chunk of housework. You're hardly a lady of leisure. Remind him that you're his wife not his housekeeper and that any responsibility he thinks you have for looking after his shirts is a figment of his imagination

I work 4 days and my husband works 5 days, he loves that I have that extra day off as it means we can spend more time doing fun things at the weekend, knowing that I am happy to then use my Monday to catch up on chores. He still does his fair share of day to day jobs and irons his own shirts!

Mine won't let me do his as my ironing isn't up to his exacting standards. You could try making a complete pig's ear of them and see how that goes.

How ironed do they need to be? I find shaking them out and drying on a hanger leaves them perfectly acceptable but I'm a slattern.... any more than that he can do it himself or pay someone.

Yes, we are married, and we arranged he had more disposable income as I work less so....

He's annoyed that you don't iron his shirts? Oh Dear, I don't think I could cope with someone like that tbh What an entitled, superior prick

It's not your job to iron his shirts.

If you're pro rating the disposable cash, you ought to be sharing the housework pro rata too (Ironing someone else's shirts is not housework though, it's a favour.)

Yes, we are married, and we arranged he had more disposable income as I work less so....

Surely when you're married, all money is shared, though?

Anyway, I digress. If he won't share his income with you, you shouldn't use your free time to do his chores. Tell him to iron his own shirts!

Sorry I have been away from laptop doing 'chores' I am grateful for your responses, I thought it was out of order.