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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To speak to nursery manager

19 replies

Avaricii · 07/03/2018 08:23

My 2yr old DD goes to a wonderful nursery. Recently the head of her room left (also her key worker) and a new head of room started. She's always telling me that she loves this carer or that- but when we ask about her key worker she says she doesn't like her.
Obviously 2 yr olds are notoriously fickle so I wouldn't complain based on that unless she said something worrying. But when I drop her off DD will give me a cuddle and then go straight to cuddle someone else. But never her key worker. One morning when I dropped her there was no one free for a cuddle but her key worker and as she took DD off me, DD was kicking and shouting- not wanting to be with this lady.

I want to ask about changing key workers. But I don't want the current key worker to take against my DD. (Not that I think she's bad, just not as warm as the other carers). I think it would be hard for her to treat DD the same knowing I'd said something.

WIBU to speak to the manager and ask her to arrange changing key worker without explaining why?

OP posts:

bettinasofine · 07/03/2018 08:26

My only issue with this is what happens if she doesn't like the next one, are you going to keep asking to change?

Life is that we gel with some and not others...it doesn't make her bad at her job

KatieKittens · 07/03/2018 08:30

I think that in speaking to the manager you will create s problem with the relationship you have with her key worker. It will be seen as a complaint against her.
As pp said, sometimes in life people get with some and not others. It also takes time to build up a relationship, so that could be why your daughter prefers the other staff.
I’d give it a little more time, then it up with the key worker yourself if things don’t improve.

Original poster

Avaricii · 07/03/2018 08:35

I haven't said shes bad at her job (i don't think shes terrible, but I do think she's not as warm and seems a little overwhelmed with her promotion) but exactly that she doesn't gel with my DD. DD does get on with the majority of the other carers at nursery. (And most people in general).

Its exactly that- i don't want to sound like I'm saying she's bad at her job. Just that for some reason DD doesnt like her.
I don't think a 2 year old should be forced to spend time with someone she doesn't like.

OP posts:

Original poster

Avaricii · 07/03/2018 08:36

How would you approach the key worker?
It's been over a month.

OP posts:

Thesmallthings · 07/03/2018 08:37

I wouldn't say anything. Your child has some one that she is bonded with there, it doesn't have to be her key worker.

I work in a nursery and I have stronger bonds with some of my key children then others and stronger bonds with other people's key children.

You can't force a child to pick a favourite it just kind of happens. As long as she happy and never developmental needs are being met and her progress is being documented then i dont think its worth it.

Redrosebelle · 07/03/2018 08:38

My little boy enjoyed all three careers in his last room but was definitely closer to someone who wasnt a key worker. Does it really matter? Presumably your daughter isn’t left alone with the key worker and has other staff anyway

KatieKittens · 07/03/2018 08:39

As for the key worker “taking against” your child, that won’t happen. As a head of room, she must be a respected, experienced and qualified childcare professional.
If you go over her head instead of having a conversation, she might find it hard not to “take against” you! Be careful how you handle this.

RhiWrites · 07/03/2018 08:40

“Hi Kelsey, can we have a chat. I’ve noticed DD doesn’t seem to have really bonded with you yet. Have you noticed? Is there anything we can do to make her happier about staying with you?”

EllieMe · 07/03/2018 08:42

It's possible that she's responsible for "disciplining" your DD when she's out of line - that could easily account for it.

ClemDanfango · 07/03/2018 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieKittens · 07/03/2018 08:46

I wouldn’t approach it too seriously but next time your daughter doesn’t want to go to her, you could make a lighthearted comment to the key worker as a conversation opener. Then you could ask if it would be possible for her to plan some activities one to one so they could bond? Like other posters said, as long as she has a good relationship with other staff and her needs are being met, it’s not crucial that she has a bond with her key worker.

Original poster

Avaricii · 07/03/2018 08:46

Thanks all. Ok I'll leave it for now and tbink again in a few months.
I didn't think she wouldtake against in an unprofessional way- but as pp have said just be damaging any relationship she might have with DD.

Would it be worthwhile talking to another carer about how she gets on with different people? In a general way. I only see the drop off picture (which can be upsetting) and what DD says.

OP posts:

bettinasofine · 07/03/2018 08:46

Jesus please don't approach her in the manner Rhiwrites suggests or you'll look totally bonkers and you'll be that mother.

Your DD isn't unhappy - she just hasn't become as close with this woman as you'd like. Leave it at that

Original poster

Avaricii · 07/03/2018 08:48

I don't think its a discipline thing. They tell me she rarely does anything worth telling off- and I'd guess that would be everyones responsibility
Ill arrange a chat with her key worker as a general - how are things going.

OP posts:

bettinasofine · 07/03/2018 08:48

Btw my DD used to scream blue murder when I put him into nursery at your daughter's age and it didn't matter who was taking him off me to give him breakfast he just used to go ballistic. I'd pick him up later in the day and he'd be sitting on their lap and cuddling in or running about daft.

bettinasofine · 07/03/2018 08:49

DS not dd

Coldilox · 07/03/2018 08:49

My son is much closer to one of the other workers in his room than his key worker. No big deal. His key worker is responsible for documenting his progress etc but other than that they all spend time together, and thisnother worker he loves also loves to play with him. No need to change key worker

dontforgetto · 07/03/2018 09:15

I agree with Coldilox. While it would be nice for your DD to have a close relationship with all the carers in her room at nursery, there is no reason that her strongest bond should be with her key worker.

The key worker is responsible for observing and recording your DD's development. It's largely administrative. Regardless of who her key worker is, she will still have this woman as her room leader anyway and likely spend exactly the same amount of time with her. Changing her key worker will make no difference to her day-to-day nursery experience.

My DD is a similar age and easily more attached to other carers in her room than her key worker. It's no big deal.

Ellendegeneres · 07/03/2018 09:27

This is so common. Seriously, no point changing keyworker if your little one has bonds with other adults there.
I’ve had key children and some have had amazing relationships with me, others simply gravitated towards other members of staff. We all collaborated and made notes on development of all children so aside from the hand over which some parents (like you) thought needed to be with keyworker, it was never an issue.

If your child is happy overall and it’s just the keyworker they don’t appear to have a huge bond with, id leave it. And believe me, behind closed doors, your child might be cuddling up and loving towards them- some kids don’t like showing that to parents almost like a loyalty thing bless them.

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