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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT throw a 1st birthday party

29 replies

likeacrow · 07/03/2018 06:50

It's our 1st child's 1st birthday soon and we'll be taking her for days out, plus she'll be seeing family members around her birthday, but we're not having a party or any kind of get together to celebrate. It just seems pointless & unnecessary to us for what she'd actually get out of it.
All my friends and my nct mum friends have or will be throwing 1st birthday parties for their children, so are we very unusual...?
(No problem with others throwing parties if that's what they want to do obviously, and it's always lovely to be invited. )

OP posts:
RadioGaGoo · 07/03/2018 06:53

We've been invited to a few 1st Birthday parties, but will be having a small family get together for our own DC's. I don't see a problem with either way, neither being that unusual.

Arapaima · 07/03/2018 06:56

YANBU. It’s not like she’ll remember it!

FittonTower · 07/03/2018 06:57

I didnt throw a party for either of mine until they were old enough to ask for one. Didn't really see the point.

Original poster
likeacrow · 07/03/2018 06:57

We're not even having a getogether as it'd end up having to be 10 people minimum which would be a squeeze in our house, (plus the awkwardness of ex and new partners who don't generally mix).
She'll see grandparents around the date but not on the day or all together.

OP posts:
TheMasterNotMargarita · 07/03/2018 06:57

I did for my first but truthfully it's a party for the adults.
For my second we didn't bother. He got some cake and some wee gifts. He was happy enough.
I have lovely photos of both occasions.
Personally I think it's a good excuse to have a party if you want one but it certainly isn't going to scar your child for life if you don't!

Original poster
likeacrow · 07/03/2018 06:58

Essentially just wondering if we're being miseries about it! I do think she'll enjoy the days out more and seeing family members separately though.

OP posts:
RadioGaGoo · 07/03/2018 06:59

You are not being unreasonable your way, neither are those who want to throw a party. Some might not see the point, others enjoy it. Swings and roundabouts, neither way is unusual and people shouldn't be judged for their preference.

Normandy144 · 07/03/2018 06:59

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. We just marked the day by having grandparents, aunties and uncles over for sandwiches and cake at home. We also had a day out to the aquarium just for us. In fact that's what we've done for 2nd, 3rd and 4th birthdays too. We are only embarking on a big all class party for our eldest's 5th birthday for the first time this year.

Original poster
likeacrow · 07/03/2018 07:00

I'd class that as a party Normandy144, for a 1 year old anyway!

OP posts:
fizzytonicplease · 07/03/2018 07:01

We didnt and DS is 3 now and we still haven't, his birthday is xmas day so we've got always had family round anyway. We have said that we will have a small party for his 4th birthday at home with some of his friends.
I never felt the need as you will have a good few years of throwing parties for them why stress yourself when they are so little that they wont remember or care.

Helsingborg · 07/03/2018 07:01

I did a party for both of my dc firsts for family mainly. Then subsequent birthdays have involved school / nursery friends and small tea parties at home without family.

deptfordgirl · 07/03/2018 07:03

I didn't see the point. We went to some lovely 1st birthday parties but they were very expensive for the parents and the children didn't know it was a special occasion (although they did have lots of fun).

We had about 10 family members over for a bbq and will probably do something similar for our ds's 2nd. I'm waiting until he's in school for the unavoidable,expensive parties!

MummyCuddlesSolveEverything · 07/03/2018 07:48

It's still a way off for us, but I imagine we will go out for the day just the 3of us, then have grandparents, uncles and aunties round for cake in the evening. Probably my side one day and dh's side another day because of space.

I think at 1 they are a bit young, they won't remember and it might be a bit overwhelming. They will get more from a day out and seeing family later.

TheRebel · 07/03/2018 09:03

My mum has a photo of my first birthday and it’s just me and one other baby and to be honest it makes me feel really sad, but that’s because my parents never encouraged me to have friends and they don’t like socialising themselves. I threw a big party for my baby’s first birthday, it probably cost about £50, £25 to hire the local hall and £25 on sausage rolls and crisps (we did it mid afternoon so it was between meal times) it was just like hosting a baby group really but my baby had a great time and it was nice for all the parents to get together. Obviously she won’t remember it but because of my experiences growing up I want her to know she was important enough for me to make the effort for her.

gihaboyago · 07/03/2018 11:57

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Crazybunnylady123 · 07/03/2018 12:43

For my little DD we are just going to take her out for the morning to a little farm petting zoo type thing. She’s having a cake I am going to make it and she will have her presents in the afternoon. It’s for her not other people.

jaseyraex · 07/03/2018 12:53

YANBU. Parties/lots of people can be a bit overwhelming and exhausting at that age. Anyone who had gifts for my DS visited us in the week leading up to his birthday. On the day we opened some gifts, had breakfast, and went to the beach (June birthday). We live nowhere near a beach so was a full day out. Spent time playing in the sand and sea, had ice cream, rode a donkey, he had lots of fun and crashed out on the train home. Had cake when we got home, opened the rest of the gifts and then he went to bed. It was great. Me and DH enjoyed it as much as DS did Grin

CoodleMoodle · 07/03/2018 14:32

On DD's first birthday we had my parents over and went to the pub for lunch, then did exactly the same with DH's parents a few days later (would've seen them all at once but DH's parents had to work on her birthday). That was exciting enough for DD at the time!

JanDough · 07/03/2018 14:58

I thought 1st birthday parties were more to congratulate parents on getting through it.

I've always enjoyed them as the host or guest.

Up to you of course ...

CheerfulMuddler · 07/03/2018 15:34

First birthday parties are for the parents, not the kids.

However, I would have a cake and take some pictures of her with it, as that's a really nice thing for her to look back on when she's older, and kids like the order of having a cake picture for each birthday with an extra candle on each one as they get bigger.

PinkHeart5914 · 07/03/2018 15:47

I think first birthday parties are nice it doesn’t have to be anything big but cake and a few family members or friends over. Take some good pictures.

Yes it’s more for the parents but it’s also marking the child’s first year 😍 which is a wonderful thing. First birthdays just feel special somehow I’ve never not enjoyed a little ones party

We had parties for my oldest 2 dc with marquee in the garden, hog roast, nice cake, lots of toys for dc to play with, all the family over and will do the same in the summer for baby number 3 first birthday.

Treacletoots · 07/03/2018 16:21

We've just had our DD's 1st birthday. We just took her out to the local farm park and had a picnic lunch. She had a great day seeing all the animals.

A friend of mine who also has a recent 1 year old birthday DID have a party, although it was more of an adult's gathering rather than a 1 years old party.. Agreed you're being completely reasonable with your choice. I'd rather save my cash until she's actively asking for it (which won't be long)

Osquito · 07/03/2018 16:33

We didn’t throw a party for our child, as:

  • we didn’t really know anyone with similarly-aged babies to invite
  • didn’t feel it was a big deal to our baby (I understand some parents want to celebrate for themselves/family, I get that)

We spent a quiet day at home, both of work, set up loads of balloons to greet him in the morning, I made a birthday cake and he blew out the candles. He was actually in a really grumpy mood and seemed a bit overwhelmed by it all so I’m glad we hadn’t made people come!

qazxc · 07/03/2018 18:43

YANBU. We had a cake so that we had a photo of her "blowing" candle and eating cake with a party hat on, but didn't have anybody over.

Shouldershrugger · 07/03/2018 21:11

So fucking sick of my dh moaning about my teen daughters. I'm sick to fucking death. Is anyone else dealing with shit? Sorry about the profanity but I'm seriously losing it in my head.