To ask for your experiences - suburbs vs countryside

[Cuntricide]

We live in the suburbs with DD and are lucky enough to own a decent 3-bed house with enough garden to run and potter around in. We're about 6 miles out of town, close to a bus route and all amenities and generally very comfortable. All being well, we'll be mortgage-free in about 10 years.

We'd love to move further into the countryside - about another 6 miles further out we could get a slightly bigger place with more character and a big enough garden for a pony and lots of lovely riding and walks right on the doorstep. There'd be neighbours of course, but not crammed in like we are at the moment so hopefully less stress there. And probably another decade on the mortgage. But harder for DD to be independent when she gets a bit older and wants to go out and see friends. We're in our mid-30s so don't know whether it's too soon to consider what area would be better for us as we get older and maybe less mobile.

AIBU to ask for your experiences suburbs vs countryside and which one suits you better?

Bump as my post has already fallen off the first page!

Does it have to be either or of the two?
What about small town/large village.
I live in a small town on a train line to two major cities, Dd is 16 and wouldn't thank me for moving her away from independent city access.

We moved from suburbs 10 years ago to the country. It's cleaner, more green but can be difficult to get around without a car and rural transport is pretty dire. It would probably be very boring for Dd until she is able to drive and be independent. I wouldn't move until mortgage is paid off and D is older and has her own independent life. Does she go riding locally. You are still young, if it were me I would stay where you are, pay off mortgage, move when you are older.

Brillo- we are essentially in a village with little shops and a pub, but it's all really just an extension of the city and quite urban. Unfortunately there's not really the option of authentic village life around here or if jump at it!
Retired- the stables is about a mile from the house, as is my gym. So convenient round here! We talked about moving a bit later but realistically we'd be looking at about age 50 and then I don't know if it's be worth it

Sorry if this seems negative- maybe a bit devils advocate. What kind of stress are you under at the moment and how do you think it would get less or just be different?

If it is about noise there may be different noises - waking up very early with a cockerel/tractor/cows.

If you don't currently own a horse and do all the care, there will be a lot of extra work and ties. You might find this well worth it but it may be stressful in its own way.

Would you have a longer commute? Would your daughter be able to get to school/play dates easily? Do you rely at all on current neighbours for things like dropping DD off at activities, as there might be less families to share the load.

Having done a decade in a very rural village my overriding memory is mud. So it's a no from me. (And older kids hate it)

Singa- All good questions! We're lucky with our current house and couldn't guarantee another house or set of neighbours would be any better, aside from the place just being prettier!

We don't share any lifts or whatever with the neighbours as we've never really got past the polite smile stage with them!

Just to give another view, I grew up rurally and absolutely loved it as both a child and teenager. I had horses and it really is an all-consuming passion if facilitated. We had decent bus service to the closest town during the day (c.1 per hour) but nothing after 5pm - not a problem, you plan around it. We had a train station about 2 miles walk from home - not a problem, you walk it. Everyone cycled everywhere, when I hit 16 I got a moped, then hit 17 and drove - none of our parents were giving us lifts everywhere once we were teenagers. Those of my friends who are still in the countryside and raising children concur that this is still how they're doing it (I'm only talking the '00s when I was there so not so long ago!). For this reason I never buy it when people claim that all rural teenagers are bored and have to be driven everywhere by parents. I'm in central London now and can't wait until we're not tied here for work and can move back out - I wouldn't bother with the suburbs, seems neither fish nor fowl to me.

Thanks Lady - sounds like an idyllic childhood! I don't like the idea of

Whoops. Don't like the idea of DD having a moped at 16 - that's DH's argument against moving off the bus route - but it might be easier to imagine when she's a bit older. I love the idea of her having her own pony if she wants one though. I had one as a kid and it was fantastic.

I grew up in the countryside and it was hell as a teenager for me, and I'd imagine for my parents too. I moved to the city as soon as I could and now live in the suburbs. We have countryside, mountains and sea within a short drive, but are only a few miles to the city centre and public transport links are excellent. I love it. We had massive snow drifts last week during Storm Emma and were within walking distance of shops, council cleared roads quickly, no problems. I remember in the snow of 1982 walking 3 miles to the nearest shop in the countryside. No contest - suburbs win!!

Could you buy a pony and keep it stabled locally, country life isn't all perfect, we don't have cockerals, tractors or cows. We do have green open spaces, 10 miles from the beach, lots of lovely walks, country pubs which are pretty much all chains now but shops shut early, there's nothing for teenagers to do unless they like sport in the local sports hall, going out after transport shuts down for the day or in bad weather is a military exercise. It's just an expensive to live, your d may not get the work opportunities . I think the countryside is best when you retire, great place for the grandkids to visit

We moved city-rural-small town.

Rural looked pretty, but was the worst. City was a bit too edgy. In our small town my tween kids are happy to have a bit of freedom to get themselves places. It’s a relief not to have to drive everywhere, and to have shops nearby rather than having to do a car journey cos you forgot an onion/milk. If you can’t drive for whatever reason (eg break leg) then you are fucked, basically.I could hear chainsaws all the time in the country- it wasn’t quiet! I prefer hearing normal neighbour noises now instead- trampolines/people in gardens.

I grew up and still live in the same village! I love it but we were lucky that we are only 15-20 miles away from nearest city, there was a bus so I could get to see my friends and I had a little job waitressing from 13 so that kept me busy. My parents weren’t the best as taking/ picking up from places but when you’ve been used to it all the time you just get on with it and become independent. Obviously I learned to drive and passed my test as soon as I could as I Definately needed it to enable me to work elsewhere etc

I briefly lived in another village around 5 miles away from this one but it was more built up with cul de sacs etc, I lived there for 6 years and loved it for the first 3/4 years but then it started to change, different people moved in etc that just didn’t get along with anyone else and kids that were basically just left to terrorise everyone and you couldn’t bring it up with the special snowflake parents! That’s when we decided to move back here and now I am by myself with no one around for miles except the sheep in the fields

Hi OP. I also love on the edge of a city and whilst I sometimesdream of more splendid isolation I am grateful that public transport is reachable and that amenities are available. I know many of my friends were moved as teenagers to more rural areas and hated it. It would also be much more for teenager when unsafe going outside getting back home. It would be lovely to have more land but in town you are a also paying for access to culture/shops/restaurants theoretically. I am however very happy with having moved out of the city (with a tiny garden) to the suburbs with a large-enough garden to potter about in.
Prepper mode: I would also think about rising sea levels in twenty years’ time and ensure the countryside doesn’t lie too low. total nonsense I might be more likely to move to the country if it was situated higher on a hill.
Hope someone more sensible comes along 🙂 with solid experience.

Oh, I see lots of sensible people have already reverted since my last page refresh so i look forward to a little reading.

We are similar to you. About 6 miles from City Centre, walking distance to our local Hight Street, park, Drs, dentist, PO, banks, shops, supermarkets, Church, schools, pubs, and - most importantly for teens (and into 20s) - public transport. WE are close to buses and trains. Also, close to where all dcs' friends live for lift shares - when they were younger from friends parents and now my dc are older, from their own friends.
Friends live about 6 miles further out. Even in their 20s, the dc have to be collected from (our) station or dropped places or pay out for expensive taxis they can't afford. They find it quite frustrating, tbh.

That said, none of us have, or want horses. That could be a big pull.

Oh, and in the recent snow, dh was able to walk to / from work. Our roads got clearer a lot quicker, etc. etc.
Even things like taking the car into garage for the MOT, I can walk back home or jump on bus or train into work. There are always times you can't use your car for a few days - doable if you are within 6 miles of somewhere, less so if 12 - 15 miles out.

'burbs over countryside for me always!

Best of both worlds. Access to amenities and public transport. close to the countryside for leisure.

Ponies really need company so unless you are have the time & space for two, I'd look for a good livery yard / shared grazing. Plus it is more fun when there's other kids around with the same interests.

Awkwardpaws, that's a good point. It's be much more fun to keep a pony at a yard than at home. Would also be easier to find someone to look after pony when we went on holiday!

I have recently moved the other way OP- because of the kids.

We lived in a very rural location while the kids were younger. It was fantasic for wide open countryside, muddy woodland walks, a fantastic little village school. Really blissful.
But- as the kids grew - and stuff like extra curricular classes became important. Their circle of friends also expanded over a wider area when they started at high school, DS played rugby and DD became heavily into dance.
Transport was poor, buses stopped at 8pm, and I became increasingly a Taxi service for my children. With a 20 mile round trip to school and dance/rugby/shops I found myself driving 80 miles a day on a regular basis.
So we moved to the edge of a market town, 6 miles from the city.
Bus services are good, my kids ( older teenagers now) can get themselves to wherever they need to be easily and enjoy the independence.
I live surrounded by ancient woodland in a small estate and a train station a 10 minute walk away. Tesco is a 5 minute drive.

I know if we had stayed in the sticks my teenagers would be bored rigid. I would have been happy but older kids need more.

I would think a bit more long term for the sake of your daughter.

Having done a decade in a very rural village my overriding memory is mud. So it's a no from me. (And older kids hate it)

Charlotte- I agree. My other memory is low flying miltary jets screaming over on a regular basis.

Suburbs over countryside every time. Do you want bored, listless teens who have to be driven hours everywhere? Not much variety of friends, not cosmopolitan. I think you are best staying put.

And as for moving when you are older — that’s up to you but personally I am planning to move further into the centre of my city when I’m older, as having amenities nearby means I wouldn’t have to drive everywhere and am more likely to be able to live independently in old age as the shops, gp, museums and a variety of activities will all be walking distance. It can be harder to drive when older and many elderly people living rurally are cut off from amenities and very reliant on others. Just something to consider.

I grew up in the countryside and loved it. It is a very different way of life though. How old is your DD? We are about to move back to the countryside with a 1yo, as we want to give our child the life we had growing up, but past about 7 I would say they are too used to the convenience of a small town to really enjoy the countryside - however all kids are different and you know your DD!

I had a pony, I would say they are a lifestyle choice rather than a hobby - they take a lot of time! And you can stable one on its own but depending on its character it may get lonely, some are fine. They are usually happy with a companion grazing animal - doesn't have to be another pony. They are also very expensive, so if you're worried about adding 10 years to the mortgage, add a few more! However I loved my time riding and caring for my pony, and for me it kept me out of trouble - I had to do well at school to keep the pony 😉

My mum was happy to run us around - I was incredibly lucky, there was one bus half an hours walk which came once a day and the nearest station was half an hours drive. Shopping took more planning - you couldn't nip out for supplies, but you get used to that and you can now get deliveries pretty much everywhere. Another difference is that the internet is also very likely to be much slower.

Like I said it's a different way of life, but if it's one that suits you it's wonderful, if it's not it can be bloody frustrating I expect!