To complain after my child was hurt at toddler group

[Coastalcommand]

The baby and toddler group we usually go to was much busier than normal today and some children were being quite boisterous.
One of the bigger boys was throwing quite large heavy wooden toys around, with no one seeming to supervise.
One of them hit my one year old quite hard - hard enough to knock her over and leave a bruise. No parents came to intervene.
I looked to the ladies running the group but no one said anything.
The boy ran over to retrieve the toy and started throwing it again. I asked him not to throw it near the other children, as it could hurt them. He threw it again, and it landed less than six inches from us, so I picked it up and put it back in the cupboard, where he couldn’t reach it.
A woman who was sitting nearby came over and told me not to take things off her son, and gave it back to him. She said he was just playing and it wasn’t my place to tell him off.
I could feel myself shaking (not cool I know) and I said that if she was supervising him properly I wouldn’t have to tell him off, and that his behaviour was dangerous.
She then told me I should be very careful saying things like that in a way that scared me a bit (I’m not used to being threatened in the church hall). We spent the rest of the session trying to avoid her, but I felt quite intimidated as I think she was part of a bigger group.
Did I do the wrong thing?
I feel like never going back, but part of me thinks I should complain. But who to? It’s run by volunteers, most of whom are over 70. What would I even say?

I think you were quite right op. I look after my grandchild part time and do groups but I do probably hover as gc is a big boisterous 2 year old and as such needs watching. Any throwing bricks and that’s a no from me.

I find some groups are just too busy and too mixed ages.

Babies and rabid running 2 year olds need watching and some groups just don’t work.

And the mother sounded horrible

I saw this a lot being sent from my nursery to be one of the playgroup organisers and it’s so easily nipped in the bud or avoided. We always set up an area for the babies, not necessarily cordoned off, but a clear ‘little ones’ bit, so crawlers, cruisers and even smaller babies could play safely from the boisterous toddlers.

Now I am in possession of my own little boisterous beastie, I follow to a degree, but all the parents know they can have a word with ds and see that I parent him very firmly- he’s going through that ‘smack them and say ow at the same time’ stage, so he knows it hurts, he knows he shouldn’t, just lacks the impulse control. I’d never tell anyone off for spotting something I didn’t or taking something away if he were hurting someone with it. People like that give others a bad view of playgroups and the mums there.

YANBU

When DS3 was a little toddler a bigger toddler at our local baby and toddler group pushed him over twice. Nothing was done by a parent and I had no idea who his parent(s) were, don't know if any staff noticed either. This was at our local Sure Start Children's Centre, so not even run by volunteers, you'd expect a bit more from paid members of staff tbh.

I was suffering from depression and low self-esteem etc so never mentioned it, just did my usual withdrawing from society, especially as DS3 said he didn't want to go because of it.

A few weeks later I'd pulled myself together and determined to go back. When we returned I was talking to one particular staff member who I knew (having already taken DS1 and DS2 to the group I was well known) and they said they had missed us, cue a conversation about why we had not been recently, I even pointed out the child who pushed son over as he was playing about 2 feet away from us. Her response was they couldn't do anything about it as a member of staff hadn't witnessed the 'incidents'! Just as she finished her sentence the 'pushy' child pushed the boy he was 'playing with' over. Thankfully the staff member saw it and acted on it straight away, I don't actually remember seeing the child again, but he must have been pushing children for weeks as he was still pushing children over a few weeks after he'd been pushing mine.

Unfortunately your baby and toddler group is a bit different, run by different people. I would recommend mentioning it to the people who run the group, ask them what can be done about it. There has to be safeguarding procedures in place and guidelines to follow in these kind of situations. If they need proof of incidents occurring you might need to keep a camera phone handy in one hand while you fend off the thrown toys with the other! Ultimately, if you don't get it sorted satisfactorily you might have to consider finding a different toddler group, but you shouldn't have to.

Thank you. That’s good advice. Thinking about it, I’m shocked that the mum saw it but didn’t bother to stop him or ask if my daughter was ok.
I’d assumed the boy was out of sight of whoever was supposed to be looking after him. She must have thought it was ok for him to behave like that.

Thing is most toddlers do this but you have to watch them and dive in to ether prevent or to let them know it’s unacceptable.

That’s it, I was bothered she was allowing it more than anything.