Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to not go to SIL wedding

22 replies

lookcook · 05/05/2007 17:15

my dh's sister is getting married next month and although i have said i will go i really don't want to. my dh works away alot and won't be able to go so it will be me and my 4 yr old and 5 mnth old. i do like my SIL and her fiance but there are other IL's i am not so keen on and I just can't face going with DH. I know they will all say stuff behind my back if i don't go and i was thinking about being 'ill' on the day but i hate lying and would rather be honest and just say i don't want to go without dh so they don't have to fork out for my meal. am i being pathetic? i'm not the most confident person at gatherings - especially without a drink - i'd be driving and without dh's support? any thoughts?

OP posts:

SSSandy2 · 05/05/2007 17:16

Could you go with a friend?

MrsBadger · 05/05/2007 17:17

Go to the ceremony, smile sweetly at MIL, kiss the bride and congratulate the groom, then leg it home on the grounds that the kids are tired.
Am not especially impressed that your DH isn't going to his own sister's wedding, tbh...

Original poster

lookcook · 05/05/2007 17:18

well i am very friendly with 2 of the other guests but they will be drinking and childless.

OP posts:

donnie · 05/05/2007 17:19

it will be very hard work with your 2 little ones on your own. Personally - which is naughty but this is what I would probably do - I would accept the invite but then ring on the day before and plead illness.

Original poster

lookcook · 05/05/2007 17:21

i did think about leaving early... only problem is they'll talk be into staying and i won't be able to say no!

OP posts:

Original poster

lookcook · 05/05/2007 17:22

beside's it is 2 1/2 hours drive - seems long way for a short time

OP posts:

NoodleStroodle · 05/05/2007 17:22

I think Mrs Badger idea is the best - stay for the important bit and then explain it will be too hard to keep DC entertained and undercontrol during all the eating, drinking, speeches, dancing etc And at least for the formal part you wont have to interact with the ILs you don't like.

SSSandy2 · 05/05/2007 17:22

I wouldn't relish coping with a 4 yr old and a baby on my own unless his family is going to be a great help.

Original poster

lookcook · 05/05/2007 17:25

thanks for the replys - i think i need to talk to dh more - he thinks i should do what i want and is too agreeable sometimes! would be easier if he said "you have to go"!

OP posts:

MrsBadger · 05/05/2007 17:29

it may be a 2.5hr drive but that'd be better done at 4pm and home in time for bed than at 11pm when everyone is knackered and wailing...

Consider ringing SIL and saying of course you'll come for the ceremony but the meal will be too late for the children so you'll take them home at 4pm or whenever. It'll save her paying for your meal and stop people trying to persuade you to stay.

NoodleStroodle · 05/05/2007 17:30

If SIL gets demanding offer DC up as bridesmaids/page boys...that should get her thinking!

SSSandy2 · 05/05/2007 17:34

Could the 4 year old have a playdate that day and you go to the church service with the baby to make an appearance and then drive home? It's a hassle but no one could fault you on it, could they?

squidette · 05/05/2007 17:35

Not unreasonable.

If you dont want to go, you can choose not to go

You also dont have to give a reason, excuse or justification. Its up to you what you say, even if its just 'Thank you for the invitation, but i have decided not to come.'

People will think what they will anyway - leave them to it! Its no reflection on you, just them....

Original poster

lookcook · 05/05/2007 17:38

playdate could be a good idea - though the MIL will have something to say about arranging playdate on day of wedding.

OP posts:

NoodleStroodle · 05/05/2007 17:39

I think you can always blame DH too for not being there with you - don't let this fall on you totally

Original poster

lookcook · 05/05/2007 17:43

squid i agree with you, i usually do as i please and would rather be honest and upfront with people - i do worry a bit about what people think of me though! i know i shouldn't worry about stuff like that though. is doing as i please selfish though?

OP posts:

squidette · 05/05/2007 17:44

doing as you please is self-care, not selfish

Ever been on a plane where they have an oxygen mask rule - help yourself first before helping others? Same thing. Meet your own needs and then you can meet others if you choose to.

Original poster

lookcook · 05/05/2007 17:45

i would definatley go if dh ws home. he really cannot make it as works abroad and would involve various helicopters and flights home - his company just wouldn't do that unlesss life or death circumstances at home

OP posts:

Original poster

lookcook · 05/05/2007 17:47

i guess it's not selfish - i don't think anyones feelings are going to be hurt - no-one will miss me really

OP posts:

squidette · 05/05/2007 17:50

lookcook, i really think that is true. Not in a nasty way (i am sure your absense will be felt though) but in a realistic way.

People (me included) generally are all worrying about themselves, not other people. Or how they are perceived by others - which of course we cant actually control...

Original poster

lookcook · 05/05/2007 17:56

i know when i got married it could have been just me and dh and still been happiest day of my life (cheesy!)

OP posts:

squidette · 05/05/2007 18:02

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread