Sending my son away too early?

[SleepingStandingUp]

DS is 2 years 8 months with additional needs, qualified for 2 yo funding last September. Taken till now to get a 121 in place, he starts nursery Friday for an hour working up to 3 hours a day by the Wednesday.

I feel like i'm sending him away when he should still be at home with me. I was totally ok with him going but now I think he's still so young and this is a CHOICE not a necessity. If I'd returned to work he'd have gone full days x 5 days but that would have been NECESSITY so its different.

And his first full week I'm away Fri eve - Sun tea time working so we wont even have the weekend together. I'm tempted to cancel but feel awful for doing so last minute.

I just keep thinking about all the stuff we should have done before now that I haven't and now we can't because all that's left for the next 16 years is school holidays.

I'm sending him because I thought it would be good for his speech and social skills as he struggles with these but now I feel like i'm doing it for selfish reasons to be rid of him or at least that's what he'll think.

He doesn't really like kids so he won't be excited about that and I don't think he understands enough for me to explain it

Try not to worry. You've got his best interest at heart and if it doesn't work out you can always pull him out. He might really enjoy though. As mums we always worry if we're doing the right thing.

Give it a go, if it doesn't work out you can always try again in 6 months.

Oh honestly I felt the same! My son was kept home with me for longer that ‘normal’ because of his additional needs. I was very reluctant to send him off, but I haven’t regretted it for a minute since! He came on in leaps and bounds from the first few weeks, made friends, which I hadn’t thought even possible. The 1-1 will be an amazing bonus for him to be able to join in, and it’s seemingly easier to get this funded for under fives than over (don’t quote me on that it’s just my experiment). We had lots of meetings about my son’s development between me and his keyworker and the nursery senco. They were all brilliant and cared so much about what was best for him. It was also really very helpful to be in a setting that was able to get all of his plans in place before he then started reception. If he was at home with me, he would have started reception on the back foot I think. That’s my experience, and obviously you have to do what works for you. I’d say there’s no harm in trying for a couple of weeks and seeing how it goes. Tell the nursery manager how you’re feeling and I’m sure they’ll do their best to reassure you.

I totally understand, as whilst my Dd loved nursery from 3 and a half, I felt she was better off with me until then, she was very happy at home.

My Ds HATED going away to nursey, l tried twice then gave up till school, he was Ok at school but enjoyed being home more.

They are now capable 10 and 11 yr olds with great social skills, and in no way disadvantaged by me keeping them home longer than some, l was lucky to have the choice.

Try him and if he is happy great, if not take him home and try again in 6 months or a year.The early years are over in a blink so don't feel pressured into sending him off if he is not happy.

I sent dd to pre-school a few months after she turned 2 on recommendation of her paediatrician, Portage and speech therapist. I cried and I was up at night worrying about having made the right deciaion. It was the best thing for her, it did wonders for her speech and she has lots of opportunities and encouragement there. She has the SENCO as her keyworker and they have been slowly trying to encourage her into playing with others (shes very socially anxious).

Try it, if he doesn't get on with it you don't have to stick with it.

3 hours a day is nothing OP. I know how you feel but he will get so much out of it and you still have so much of the day with him

Thanks, I know i'm irrational ha ha. Told the inclusion officer I was gonna site in the local pub and drink coffee because it's closer then home!

My struggle with pulling him out is it took 9 months to get here, with all the medical and school reports, interviews etc. I'm scared what will happen if I pull him out and then want to try again in a few months.

At least it will be Easter soon then half term and summer soon enough!!

I was told by the very officious preprep head that "all children just get on with it" and DS should be doing full days from the off blah blah. It was lies. Once I got speaking to other parents they had started off with 3 mornings and then gone down to 2 and some even 1 because it was too much (for a child without additional needs). We are leaving the nursery at the end of the school year (which is attached to a prep school and thus they are losing out on thousands of pounds from us) purely because they tried to rush us.

Schools/nurseries are a business. Don't let them bulldoze you.

Having said that, the one hour start is perfect imo. I would give it a go even if you have to stand outside (out of sight) for your own peace of mind.

I have to sit in reception for the hour - the classrooms are back to back so outside nursery classroom is literally in reception classroom, but I can't leave as they haven't had medical training so at least i'll be close for the first two days

I would keep him home if you’re able to. His speech will come on much better with you reading to him and chatting with him, taking him out and about etc. And you can go to toddler groups and other places for him to socialise. I don’t think nursery is beneficial to under 3’s unless they don’t have a good home life.
It’s up to you but don’t feel as though you have to send him.

Pork we read every day - books, road signs, bus signs, anything he points to. We have tried pay groups but we don't fit in. He has to trail me, the other moms are all "oh mind the poorly / special /that child" , his tubes get in the way. I'm hoping nursery where it's every day and lots of space, he'll become ordinary.
I know we've done well this far, he can count to 15, recognise to 10, recognise some letters, do puzzles etc - and I know that isn't amazing at 2.5 but it is for what they said he'd be able to do. I know we get shared credit for that. But the sensible non emotional part of me thinks what he needs is peers, more opportunities, learning to trust other people etc