Lost my rag. Need talking down.

[gingergenius]

Just had the most massive rant at my young/mid teen boys.

I'm a single parent. I've just gone full dragon on them because I'm sick of them thinking life skills are some-one else's problem.

My eldest is aspergic but 16 and fully aware of jobs etc. So it 13 y/o.

Have bellowed at them that I do not want tjem to grow up thinking Home-stuff if something they should be instructed to do- ie they help make the mess, they help clean it up, without instruction. Because that's the right thing to do.

Sadly their dad has a proper 1950s scenario going on where he is happy for his gf to do all the domestic stuff so he doesn't have to. They are only at his EOW so probably not much of an influence but bloody hell I will not have my boys growing up with this genderist nonsense.

Please tell me Ianbu

Somebody has to be in charge and that means someone has to sort the rota and enforce it. :-) i remember yelling at my teenager some tears ago, calming down and asking why I had had to yell at him to get anything done. His response. 'I didnt realise that you were angry enough about it yet' !!!!!!!

'Years' and 'tears'!

@BertrandRussell this is why on the list of jobs that need doing, I have deliberately crossed out the word 'help' and replaced it with 'contribute'. My epic rant today did make it clear that if they are choosing to make a mess, by living here then clearing was not 'helping by me' but merely clearing up the mess they have made.

I was fairly vociferous in my open noon on this! It may have an effect for a day or two!!!

@ginger Yes, but you only have to do it once really. Ours moved house with us 4 years ago and is still going. I love that rota, I may have it engraved onto my headstone...

How much can I pay you to do mine @CaptainNelson

ginger

I would not write up a rota, that’s re-enforcing ‘wife-work’ & ‘helping’.

Explain that to them, explain that the ‘thinking’ is everyone’s responsibility as much as the ‘doing’.

Ask them how they think it should all get done? See what they come up with.

I have this convo regularly @AnnieAnoniMouse. Agree re: wifework etc. No easy solution - just a long hard slog until they finally get it, I think!

Maybe THEY should come up with the rota?

I'm a single mum to 2 teenage boys,and can honestly say the worst I've lost my temper was because of their actions. I'm not proud of it,but the I'm hungry(after I made dinner),the chucking dirty clothes on floor,the leaving food out of fridge,the daily basic disregard for the most ridiculous things they can easily do themselves(because they expect me to follow them everywhere to obviously do these things),gets tiresome,frustrating to say the least.

I've learnt though over the years,if dinner isn't enough,no point me making it,your fave top your looking for,on the floor where u left it. The ham and cheese u like had to be chucked out because was left out of fridge.

I would have been a lazy can’t be asked teenager but I was never given the opportunity. We all had rostered jobs in the home and these were to be completed before down time.

I think there are a lot of parents who expect that teenagers will suddenly take responsibility for things that they were never expected to before. What I expect my DD to do in her teens is what I expect from her now when she’s 10, it’s just the amount and tasks are targeted to her capabilities. We are a team and we share a space and we have joint responsibilities in making our living environment pleasent for us both. Basically, shit needs to be done around the house and if you choose to not pull your weight, why should I facilitate a long list of privileges i.e internet, phone, pocket money, endless extra curricular activities.

As I said Isetan, the expectation has always been there. They just need a rocket sometimes.