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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if 6 is a particularly difficult age in girls

38 replies

Timeforachange2018 · 05/03/2018 19:36

I feel awful writing this as I love my 6 year old daughter more than anything but she has become really challenging of late.
She is quite rude, doesn’t listen to anything I say to her, constantly complains and shouts at everyone. I am finding it so difficult not to lose my temper with her when it’s constant battles over everything- food, doing homework, what to wear etc etc. She seems unhappy but I can’t get to the bottom of it. I feel like my lovely little girl has gone somewhere! She knows how loved she is as we tell our kids every day.
I’ve been into school to talk to the teacher about it- he says that she’s fine in class- there are friend issues too but that seems to be he case with all the girls.
It’s really getting me down- I literally get no peace at home from the constant demands and behaviour issues and it’s making me feel like home isn’t a family sanctuary but a place of conflict.
Aibu to ask for advice - is 6 a difficult age for girls? My DS has never been difficult like this.

OP posts:

sophielouise · 05/03/2018 19:53

Yes we are having the exact same issues OP. No solutions her I'm afraid.. our DD just turned 7 and can be really quite horrible and sullen a lot of the time. She is a superstar at school though so go figure! Must be something we are doing at home but haven't quite figured it out yet. She is introverted and very sensitive which doesn't help, along with being fairly intelligent so I think she is an over thinker.

We have gone back to reward charts again, also bought the book 1,2,3 magic on other recommendations and we are just implementing the changes now. There is an interesting chapter all about how you shouldn't try and speak to them about their behaviour after they have done time out. Don't get them to say sorry, or try and discuss and analyse what they did. Just do timeout, and move on. I'm finding it hard to do this but it's supposed to be counter productive as often children hate this part and it can serve to just wind them up further as they don't really fully understand the why's and wherefores of what they have done.

Interested to know any others in the same boat?

Singlebutmarried · 05/03/2018 19:57

Yup

Demon child here. We’ve had a year of appalling behaviour, she can be good, and will be some of the time but there’s been a definite shift.

We did find out she was being bullied and have moved schools in the last few weeks, bedtimes and mornings are better and behaviour is gradually improving.

However the screaming and shouting and rudeness still tear their head. I’m hoping we’re on the back end of it.

sophielouise · 05/03/2018 20:01

Out of interest single how did you find out about the bullying? Did she tell you or did you suspect somehow? I do worry about that as well and would assume my DD would tell us, but sometimes bullying isn't something they realise is happening iyswim

Dixiebell · 05/03/2018 20:05

My DS is 7 and has become quite rude and teenagery in the last 6 months. Rolling his eyes, sarcastic comments, never doing what we ask without asking twenty times, arguing back, being mean to his brother...he is a superstar at school too. I thought it must be an age thing, but feels like the kind of behaviour I’d expect in about five years, not now!

Goodmum1234 · 05/03/2018 20:07

Mine went through it too. I’m an ex teacher and remember a headteacher once saying they can’t be good all the time and need an outlet to push boundaries- that is often at home.
I was firm but kind and stuck to my word even if it meant a screaming fit but it did get less frequent when she knew I meant business. Didn’t use time out as had never worked for me, rather, (and some would say Woolley) I’d talk her through how sad I felt when she screamed at me or hit her sister. I’d look after hurt little one, giving all my attention. And sat things out loud like ‘ oh I’d be so happy if I get a love from my big girl soon’ etc and more often than not, I’d get a sorry and hug within 20mins, some of the time.

I’d give simple requests, like first tidy your dolls, then tv time. When she refused tontidy I’d breezily say ‘ never mind, you’ve chosen not to tidy toys so no tv, one more chance’ then I’d stick to it despite a massive tantrum. She knew in the end I meant business but no shouting, just calm (annoying 😁) talk.

Sorry gone on
Too long. Good luck

Lifeisabeach09 · 05/03/2018 20:08

My DD was like this. She's 8 now and so much better.
I think tiredness and stress (of formal learning, friendship politics, etc) all contributed in addition to hormones and pushing at the boundaries.

I, also, feel kids are able to'act out' towards their parents and show us their anger and frustrations. Things they can't do at school for fear of losing friendships and getting in trouble with teacher. It's a sign of trust-we will always love them regardless of the attitude and tantrums.

What worked for me was sending my DD to her room for time out or to chill. Sometimes I had to yell to get her to go. Once she was there, she'd calm down eventually.

It's not easy but it is a phase. And think about it this way-sometimes we, as adults, take out our bad mood on those closest to us also.

HTH.

Gammeldragz · 05/03/2018 20:08

Yep, so is 7 and 8 so far
Sorry.

Atthebottomofthesea · 05/03/2018 20:08

Is she a rising 7? I think there is some kind of hormonal surge at this age and it is like having a mini teenager. I remember many a conversation at dd's school gate about how difficult things were for us all.

They come through it and all settles down again, well for a while anyway.

My just 6 yr old has always been a force to be reckoned with though.

Lifeisabeach09 · 05/03/2018 20:09

And don't be afraid to lose your temper. I did often!

Pengggwn · 05/03/2018 20:10

Can you give an example of what happens when, say, food is a battle? So, is it (for example) her changing what she likes, her insisting on treats, her not wanting to eat a certain amount? What is happening?

Original poster

Timeforachange2018 · 05/03/2018 20:11

I try and talk to DD every day about school & she’s quite open about what’s going on & teacher is pretty on it- she just seems so unhappy all of a sudden. The constant conflict is exhausting. We’ve just had an hour and a half of tantrums and constant hasstling as she wants to watch an episode of those twin doctors on cbbc- operation ouch. She knows she’s not allowed on a school night but has literally hassled constantly - it’s so utterly draining

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 05/03/2018 20:12

When's her bedtime?

Original poster

Timeforachange2018 · 05/03/2018 20:13

She’s just 6

OP posts:

Original poster

Timeforachange2018 · 05/03/2018 20:14

Her bed time is 7.30 but that’s a battle too and she’s often playing up until 9 at night.

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 05/03/2018 20:15

What do you do when she's hassling you for something you've already said no to?

Original poster

Timeforachange2018 · 05/03/2018 20:17

Well pushing boundaries and trying to get me to change my mind- but she knows I won’t give in as there are boundaries. One of our rules is not much TV on a school night as it’s reading time/ bath time etc.

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 05/03/2018 20:18

I'd give consequences for keeping on. "I've said no, I don't want to hear anything else about it. One more word and there'll be no TV tomorrow either."

Hippadippadation · 05/03/2018 20:18

Ahh my 6 year old DD is exactly the same. Sometimes I feel like I'm failing as a mum. Nice to know i'm not alone and I definitely need to be a lot more calm with her.

Theworldisfullofidiots · 05/03/2018 20:18

It's a normal part of development if that's any consolation. At this age there is a theory that they start questioning their beliefs and basically you, as that's who they got their beliefs from. It's the beginning of rule testing and trying to put rules into place. I noticed with games with friends they spent almost as much time making rules as playing the game.

It will get easier until about the age of 12/13 where my daughter was a demon until about 15 and a bit. She's 16 now and generally mostly lovely.
Lots of deep breaths and reiterating boundaries of acceptable behaviour with giving just a little got us through and remembering it all passes.
(me ds is 11 and got the gift of sarcasm for Christmas so I really haven't got a clue what I'm talking about...)

louise5754 · 05/03/2018 20:19

Mine is 7 and I can't imagine ever talking to my mum
The way she does to me

Nolongerwithauser · 05/03/2018 20:19

Yep, my 6 year old DD has had a marked change in the last 6 months. She's losing her teeth and that's pissing her off, she's worried about the way it's affecting her face and she just seems a bit fed up with growing etc as she's shooting up and it's hurting her legs. She was even stressing about how skinny she is.

Her behaviour has really gone downhill and she has started hitting me because she's stressed. It's worrying isn't it OP. I feel like a lot of it is to do with modernity. YouTube videos do nothing to help. My DD is a bit obsessed with JoJo Siwa (I won't let her have those stupid bows ) and sometimes I worry that it's all a bit overwhelming for little girls. I have tried limiting screen time.

onemorecakeplease · 05/03/2018 20:23

Hmm mine is 5 - 6 in June and going through a not very nice phase. Not rude but whiny and cheeky and not doing what she is asked.
Not just us then!

Original poster

Timeforachange2018 · 05/03/2018 20:23

I agree about modernity @nolonger. My dd seems to switch between still liking Ben & holly/ peppa pig because she finds it comforting to wanting to watch stuff oh CBBC that I think is too old and dealing with older issues like The dumping ground. We have to limit what she watches and I am relieved when it’s peppa pig to be honest!!

OP posts:

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 05/03/2018 20:26

Is she in year 2? It’s definitely a thing. It could be the friendship issues, but that’s fairly universal at this age.

I think it’s just a case of sticking to your boundaries and sitting it out until it passes. I’d do what Penggggwn says with the consequences for keeping on.

Original poster

Timeforachange2018 · 05/03/2018 20:29

She’s year 1 as only just 6 which makes it even more worrying in some ways as she’s still tiny

OP posts:

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