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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wish I could be a 50s style housewife?!

98 replies

bigchanges · 05/03/2018 18:06

Might just be that the past few shifts at work have been awful (think violent) and that I am stuck because the hours fit round my life and there are few jobs here.

BUT! I wish I could be a full on 50s, twee, stepford style housewife!

Pretty apron, spending my days baking and cleaning, wearing pretty dresses and pearls. No more stressful decisions. No more getting punched in the face at work. Gardening and embroidery all the way.

OP posts:
geekymommy · 05/03/2018 19:12

A lot of actual 50's housewives would probably have liked to have that, too. Obviously the pearls and dresses cost money, which not everybody had. Marital rape and abuse were things that happened to some of them.

Idontdowindows · 05/03/2018 19:13

No, it doesn't depend on who your husband is.

It depends on how society sees you. Society would have seen you as slightly better than a child with no legal recourse should he choose to rape you, take your money, sell your house from under your arse and take your children.

It's not about those nice 1950s couples that you think you know. It's about how society reacted when you were in the shit and what rights you had when you and your husband didn't see eye to eye, and you had none.

gingergenius · 05/03/2018 19:14

So many do it now, they just don't look as good on it

WTAF. So women are STILL being judged on their looks. By other women.

so nothing much has changed has it? What a shit thing to say.

Bloody hell. Lost for words.

Original poster
bigchanges · 05/03/2018 19:19

I guess I misjudged the thread.

Was just feeling a bit down after yet again being left shift leading with no notice and still on minimum wage. Getting my hair yanked while trying to give first aid. Giving medication to 20 residents. And then getting punched in the face because I said it was Monday today.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/03/2018 19:19

Wind your neck in gingergenius, really. Lost for words? I wish you were.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/03/2018 19:21

bigchanges, No, you didn't misjudge the thread. It's just been pounced on by posters who don't see past the end of their noses and can't resist 'telling other women' what they should do and think about anything really.

Do you have any support at work? At all? It sounds horrendous, utterly horrendous and I'm so sorry that you've had such a lousy day. I totally understand where you're coming from.

KochabRising · 05/03/2018 19:21

As my post above OP - people like you deserve more money, and a lot more recognition 💐

Ignore the angry brigade, I don’t think they’ve actually read what you wrote

Vitalogy · 05/03/2018 19:22

Would be interesting to know whether there were more women on antidepressants back in the 50's or now.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 05/03/2018 19:22

What idontdowindows said.

Nobody is saying that all 1950s husbands beat and/or raped their wives or financially abused them. They are saying that if a husband were to choose to do these things, not only did the wife have no recourse, she would more likely than not be blamed for it. The dresses and pinnies and wafting, even for housewives with money, were the prettified shopfront of a very serious set of expectations.

All that said, OP, YANBU to dream of a simpler, less pressured (in one way) life after all that you put up with in your important and valuable job. Flowers

Original poster
bigchanges · 05/03/2018 19:23

LyingWitch - when I spoke to my manager about previously being left shift leading it was basically do it or look for another job. So I am stuck really! Support work - we are all very replaceable.

OP posts:
shakeyourcaboose · 05/03/2018 19:27

Well said lying OP in my opinion is not saying 'gosh those 1950s women had not a single concern' but more that it's made to look quite idyllic!

FranticallyPeaceful · 05/03/2018 19:27

Being beaten up, raped, told what to wear and what to eat, having to suck penis on demand, not being allowed to break down otherwise your husband could get you sectioned. Oh the joy!

Of course they made it look pleasant, of course they made it look glamorous - otherwise women rebelled and no child would wish to aspire to it.

Being a “home maker” is far better these days if that’s what you want to do. Tell your husband you wish to hand him more power and responsibility in the relationship if you wish. But fuck being legally raped, fuck having somebody be raised to beat me because his dinner is late and thus has to “train” me to do it next time.

Nope.

Bluelonerose · 05/03/2018 19:29

Op I'm sorry your having a shit day.
Sometimes care work is violent sadly.

I was going to agree with you I would LOVE to be a 50s housewife. I even love the clothes from that era (may be more USA fashion though)
However I think I'm going to change it to ide love to be a 50s housewife with 2018 technologies. Grin

Fwiw my nan was a 50s housewife and my grandad was what you would base a true gentleman on and worshipped the ground she walked on until the day he died so not all relationships back then were bad.

Willyoujustbequiet · 05/03/2018 19:31

Yabu

Why would anyone want to go back to a time where they are considered inferior?

Beetlejizz · 05/03/2018 19:31

On a practical level OP, would it be realistic to get different work? You said there were few jobs, is this all there is?

Original poster
bigchanges · 05/03/2018 19:32

Willyoujustbequiet - I am a minimum wage support worker. I am already considered inferior by many.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/03/2018 19:36

bigchanges, I can't imagine how difficult that must be. It sounds so monotonous, ie. more of the same and you either 'do it or leave'. Shock.

How? Just how, have we as a society go to that stage where service users can behave in any way they deem fit - and managers of staff who expect their staff to just take it, with no let up - and the constant threat of disinterest and/or dismissal.

I personally think that only when there are no staff left available to be 'punch bags', will the situation actually change because it will have reached critical mass and there will be no other option left.

Are there any areas in which you could diversify? Out of your current sector even? Your health - both physical and mental - are worth far more than the most deserving client and you cannot put yourself at risk; no job's worth that. I can't think that anybody would expect that of you. Are you looking at other options?

ChocolateGin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/03/2018 19:41

Thank you, shakeyourcaboose. I can't believe the blowhards on this thread can post so stupidly towards somebody who is having such a horrendous time... and they think that they're in any way different to a bullying partner. Pathetic.

A punch in the face would tip most people over the edge. Fortunately, most people don't have to contend with that. They'd think differently if they actually did perhaps.

gingergenius · 05/03/2018 19:43

@bigchanges sorry you're having a shit time. Understand the sentiment. Wish there was a better option than 50's woman though. Seriously wishing you all the best. Sounds soul destroying and I know I couldn't do it.

gingergenius · 05/03/2018 19:46

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe nope. Still here. Still full of words and total support for the OP. Just not stupid comments about women no longer feeling they should look good enough to cover up the fact that they are miserable.

TotHappy · 05/03/2018 19:46

Ffs, what the point of saying some women experienced marital rape and abuse? Some women experience that NOW. The fact that you might get a conviction doesn't make it better does it? Told what to eat and what to wear? Judged for falling below some I possibly high standard? Aren't we still?
I have had this thought too, op, but my dream was more to be a housewife like in Anne of Green Gables... Agree would prefer to keep the modern appliances though. Oh, and the antibiotics. And vaccines.

gingergenius · 05/03/2018 19:49

@bigchanges you are absolutely not inferior. Without carers like you people would be left to die. If you work in dementia care, there are agencies who really value that kind of experience. Please don't think you're not valued.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/03/2018 19:53

gingergenius, You are now. You weren't upthread. This thread has been full of the most saddening, maddening and pointless responses to an OP that I've seen in a while. This OP didn't deserve that.

You've missed the point of what I was saying, that's fine. Many people do. Just like they miss the actual point of the thread because they have 'things to say that they MUST say', irrespective of whether it's of any use to the OP.

Were it a bouncy thread of idly musing about 1950s housewifery, I'd be in mild agreement with you and the others. As it is, I'd be bloody ashamed of my posts if I'd written some of those ^^.

OutComeTheWolves · 05/03/2018 20:06

Well up until about 20 minutes ago I'd have agreed with you. I'm an old school dyed on the wool feminist but also lazy as fuck so every now and then I do fantasise about living in a time when I wouldn't have to go out to work.

However after reading this thread, some posters have destroyed the little lighthearted fantasy with marital rape and sectioning, so I'm going to change my fantasy to marrying someone rich in this day and age instead. Even though people would judge me more for giving up work, I'd have modern technology and legal protection!

helpfulperson · 05/03/2018 20:16

I can totally understand if you spend you day caring for people who don't seem to appreciate it the idea of someone else caring totally for you and taking care of all you needs without you having to think about it is a very attractive fantasy.

I fantasize about living on a desert island but I don't imagine the reality would be a lot of fun.