to think I have to leave my job if I want another child (mental health issues)?

[Primsgoat]

I'm on medication for situation-specific anxiety and social phobia. These only affect me in a work setting. I didn't need anything when I was a SAHM.

I had a long break away from work with my first child and really struggled to return, for anxiety and confidence reasons. I've only been back a year now. I love my job (except for some periods of high pressure), but I couldn't do it without medication.

Problem is, DH and I want another baby. I could't take these drugs if I got pregnant. I know some people take medication during pregnancy but I don't think I would be able to.

If I leave my job because I can't take medication, that'll be another long break on my CV. (It's not about the money as I don't earn much anyway and DH is happy to support the family.) And what the hell would I tell my boss? 'I can't work because I'm pregnant and I'm basically a nervous wreck without drugs'? She will lose all respect for me and would probably never give me another contract.

I have to choose between another baby and my job, don't I?

Really, frantically?? How bad was your OH's phobia?

I have basically the same mental health problems as you and I REALLY feel for you. I am 22 weeks pregnant and work from home for my DP fathers company which works brilliant for me because of it. I don't take medication for my anxiety at the moment but have been debating on going back on medication whilst I'm pregnant. My cousin took Fluoxetine whilst pregnant for her anxiety and never had problems with her baby, GP said it's safe to take which is something I may look into. Maybe worth you looking into it too? Big hugs!

Medication is really not the only option for dealing with anxiety. Go to your GP and ask to be referred for therapy - specifically cognitive behavioural therapy. Ideally you would access it from a psychologist not a counsellor (not all CBT is of the same quality).

Motherd Thank you! Really nice to hear from someone with the same issues. Sounds like your have a good work situation at the moment. I like working from home but it also means getting stuck in my own head a little and I can dream up all manner of reasons why people don't reply to emails, for example. I will explore options with my GP again. At the moment it's all a bit hypothetical as we're looking at TTC in about six months when my next project ends.

Ideally you would access it from a psychologist not a counsellor

I wonder if it's possible to request this from the GP. The last counsellor I accessed through the GP was really, really poor.

I think you need to work firstly on getting back to some semblance of personal mental and emotional healthy balance before considering having another child.

I had to post when I read this.

I took on a job with management responsibilities. For three years it turned me into a nervous wreck - anxious, crying, feeling horribly insecure. I didn't take antidepressants / anxiety control drugs but seriously considered it. I had training, I had support from my family, but the anxiety didn't go away. I constantly felt like I should be able to do the job - it was a promotion and my dream job - and I constantly felt inadequate and frankly miserable.

For various reasons I changed to a job with no management; it includes stuff that other people might find stressful (including public speaking - which causes me no anxiety at all). The weight that lifted off my shoulders straight away was unbelievable. I didn't have to pretend I could do something I struggled with. I didn't dread going into work. I feel now like I 'fit' my job, and I'm doing what I'm competent at. It has been life-changing.

Please don't let pride get in the way of giving you the same feeling I've had. Try if you possibly can to take a step back and think about what you would actually enjoy and be good at, even if it seems a backward career move (mine was definitely a backward move - though it's opening up different opportunities). Unless it's a dire financial necessity, life is too short to be tied to a job which just isn't the right fit for you. Don't feel you 'should' be good at anything - if you hate public speaking, you hate public speaking, and it DOESN'T MATTER, just accept that this role has given you the opportunity to learn that, and move on.

Good luck x

bibble Thank you for posting this. I totally understand what you're saying. It's just that, if I take beta blockers, I actually enjoy public speaking. And people tell me I'm good at it. I love many other aspects of my job. I feel very privileged to be doing what I do. I've just finished a project at work and had good appraisals and the sense of achievement is amazing.

You've all made me realise that public speaking is not actually huge part of my job (in that I don't have to do it very often) and I may be able to ask to be relieved from those duties during a pregnancy. I'm fairly confident my boss would be OK with it. The only problem would be meetings and teleconferences. I will try CBT and hypnotherapy for that.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and suggestions. This is why I love mumsnet...