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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is romance dead?

15 replies

Auntieaunt · 04/03/2018 20:05

I've recently started seeing a guy around a month ago. He had a girlfriend and one of the reasons he dumped her was because he fell for me. Lovely.

The last two weeks we've been talking nonstop about everything and I do really like him as he's kind, funny as we have definitely clicked. We've finally got our first proper date this week and he seems to be really excited. I was until we've discussed the logistics- we're going to go for dinner and drinks at 9.. he did offer that I could go to the gym with him but now he's realised that he can't get a guest member. Apparently he doesn't like showering at the gym and that's why he can't make dinner any earlier but he'll try to be as quick as possible as he can't wait to see me.

One of my grandads changed religion for my Gran and the other moved country. He can't seem to take the initiative to miss the gym one night (abeit he's taking his new years resolution very seriously).

We've both been really busy the last two weeks and haven't been able to see each other. We've both planned this for over a week and been talking how much we're looking forward to it. Aibu to feel disappointed especially as I'm up for work at 5:45?

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/03/2018 20:07

WHy would you go out with someone who
Likely cheated on his gf to start something with you?

Ginslinger · 04/03/2018 20:10

I would walk away now

Original poster

Auntieaunt · 04/03/2018 20:10

He didn't cheat on his girlfriend. We haven't done anything at all even at this point. He broke up with her as soon as he started to develop feelings for me. As he said it was a long time coming as neither of them wanted to be together but neither of them had the guts to actually break up with one another. Thinking about it I shouldn't of even included that in my original post but I felt like I needed to set the scene that this isn't just a wim of a date.

OP posts:

Fruitcocktail6 · 04/03/2018 20:15

I don't think romance is dead at all, I just don't think this guy sounds like a particularly good boyfriend or partner.

SmashedMug · 04/03/2018 20:25

Romance isn't dead. The guy who dumped his girlfriend because he got with someone else prefers the gym over his new lady. That's all. He's not representative of all men.

GrannyGrissle · 04/03/2018 20:28

If the gym won over me or he was too tiight to pay the £10 guest pass charge i'd assume i was very low priority, and this is supposed to be pre honeymoon period, doesn't exactly look promising. Is he one of those people who enjoy the chase but once his quarry is within reach loses interest? Or is he casting his gimlet eye round the gym ladeez?

Kikashi · 04/03/2018 20:42

I'd be cancelling the 9pm dinner date - tell him it's too late as you get up at 5.45. You need to meet earlier - if he can't swerve the gym for one evening then he can wait to see you. Not a very auspicious start - he's training you straight off not to expect too much.

Original poster

Auntieaunt · 04/03/2018 20:43

The thing is is that I think he really likes me.

I did tell him to not bother paying for me to join him in the gym as it wouldn't be practical i.e going swimming then having to get changed/makeup/hair while he runs on the treadmill. He also spoke a little too much about seeing me in a bikini.

OP posts:

Original poster

Auntieaunt · 04/03/2018 20:46

I can't just ghost him as we see a lot of each other through our mutual interest.

I also don't think he thinks he's doing anything wrong. For the past month I've probably got 200 messages from him a day, with him always starting the conversation. I've also said I'm not going to sleep with him for a while to make sure I'm not the rebound which he is somewhat accepting.

OP posts:

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 04/03/2018 20:47

Nope romance really isn't dead (though it also isn't contained in anything you can buy from a florist or a card shop, either, in case anyone's going down that route).

Romance is putting someone first, doing things you know they'll like simply to see them happy. He's putting his gym before a brand-new-date with a brand-new-woman. Already you're nowhere near the top of his Important List, imagine how far down you'll be in a few years time. Ditch him and let him have a date with his biceps at the gym (and I say this as someone who loves going to the gym most days).

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 04/03/2018 20:48

200 messages a day is madness. Total madness. Has he got a job? Friends? Anything but the gym and his mobile phone?

KC225 · 04/03/2018 20:49

How did he start having feelings for you whilst he still had a girlfriend? Do you work tighter?

He's not sounding all that keen. Why won't he skip the gym? Have you asked him?

BackforGood · 04/03/2018 20:56

Different issues.

No, romance isn't dead
Not particularly unreasonable, in my book, to find a time that suits you both, to meet for your first meal together - not really relevant or important if what he is doing at that time is important to you or not. That is, if it is just this night.
If he generally eats after 9pm, and you always get up for work at 5.45, then that's not a great foundation to start a relationship on.
Broke up with his girlfriend to go out with me...... you know the old saying about creating a vacancy.

5.. "messaging me 200 times a day".... WOW. . That is what I would be very worried about. How obsessive is that? Does he not work / sleep / eat / have a life ?

. It is definitely this point that would have me running for the hills.

expatinscotland · 04/03/2018 21:03

He dumped his GF for you and won't swerve the gym for one night or shower there, expects you to accommodate him and love bombs you. Fuck that.

ClareB83 · 04/03/2018 21:10

Just tell him it's too late and the latest you can do is x pm.

I have a friend who would be very happy to eat at 9pm. He may not realise it's that weird unless you tell him.

But if he refuses to compromise, don't bother.

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