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Original poster

Don't know how to help my son who is taking drugs

53 replies

FluffySlipperSocks · 04/03/2018 19:45

Have name changed. DS is 18. He's got pretty heavily into drugs. Cocaine, MDMA that I know of. I've tried and continue to try my best to get through to him. We generally have a good relationship. I thought we were fairly close but he has shut me out. Has been going on for sometime now. Breaks my heart.

Wondered if there is anyone who has been through the same with their kids or anyone who has taken drugs themselves. Any advice welcome. No matter how small or insignificant it may seem to you.

He's not in the place of wanting to change yet. I know I can't do it for him. Have got referrals for drug counselling for him previously but he's now not interested at all.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 06/03/2018 13:16

That's nice Shatner Hmm

BastardGoDarkly · 06/03/2018 13:20

Op, do you know what he's on?

I was addicted to heroin for ten years (clean around 12 now)

My Mum despaired, like a pp, I moved away, changed my life, had a family.

But I had to have had enough, if I could've done it for my Mum I would've, I couldn't, it wasn't a case of me not caring or loving her enough, I was just stupidly head over heels in love with that feeling, then very much physically addicted.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Flowers

BastardGoDarkly · 06/03/2018 13:22

it's perfectly possible to go through life never having tried drugs

How is this relevant or helpful to the op?

Original poster
FluffySlipperSocks · 06/03/2018 13:27

Definitely MDMA, Cocaine and weed and was even taking Morphine tablets. I only know all this because of a 3rd party.

BastardGoDarkly that's very insightful. Thats amazing. Well done, if that doesn't sound too condescending.

He looks different. His face. He's shut me out. I'd do anything to help him, love him so very much... but yes I agree- he has to want change.

OP posts:
passionflower50 · 06/03/2018 13:36

My 19 yr old son was taking mdma without us knowing at weekends while out with friends he had a bad reaction to one and has never touched them since wouldn't even drink after that i it scared him so much .. I ails o have a 40 yr old daughter who has been a heroin addict for the last 4 years .we've tried desperately to help her but nothing changes .my husband and me dontveven drink or smoke and have brother children al, with good jobs that wouldn't even entertain the thought of drugs it's becoming a society thing .starts as a recreational thing then turns more serious my son says that most of his friends smoke cannabis as a norm thankfully it gave him a kick up the backside he was so scared .my daughter won't go into rehab her boyfriend is in the same boat such a waste of a life hope he gets some help xxx

Afreshcuppateaplease · 06/03/2018 13:52

I had two lots of friends

The ones id get off my face with. And then the normal ones.

In one group it was normal
In the other it was not

BastardGoDarkly · 06/03/2018 14:06

It's not common to steal and have a record, or indeed to become addicted to mdma or cannabis.

It's much more likely he's developed a proper habit, on either coke/crack or morphine tablets/ opiates.

In my opinion love, the only things you can do are...

Protect yourselves, get support and knowledge from a drug support group for families.

Report him to the police, if he steals from any of you, or if you have proof he has stolen goods (you may fast track him to rehab)

Ban him from using anything in your home (he may leave, but will then see your place as a drug free sanctuary, when he wants to get away from it all)

Tell him you love him, and will be there when he's ready, but you won't go down with him, or facilitate his life choices, never give him money etc.

ShatnersWig · 06/03/2018 14:24

Bastard Apologies, I didn't realise you weren't permitted to post on a thread unless you are 100% only discussing and answering the original posting and not open the thread up slightly wider or make an observation.

endofthelinefinally · 06/03/2018 15:10

There are people who use drugs and manage to come through it relatively unscathed.
Then there are people who have addictive personalities or undiagnosed mental health conditions. They are ill. Addiction is an illness, and the illness is not the person.
My son's problems started with prescribed medication, misdiagnosis and complete lack of supervision and support.
He and I realised, too late, that he almost certainly had ADHD. I have subsequently learned that this is common among people with addiction.
Sadly there is very little help available due to ignorance, stigma, criminalisation and lack of resources.

BastardGoDarkly · 06/03/2018 16:22

You can post what you like Shatner but it's a bit like going onto a dv thread, and stating your marriage is great and so's all your friends.

ShatnersWig · 06/03/2018 18:47

I respectfully disagree but do not wish to derail.

CremeFresh · 06/03/2018 18:55

I'm so sorry for you and your family , it's tough, worse than tough. Ive lived through my friends DD heroin addiction with her and the only advice I can give is tough love. Be there for him emotionally but don't enable him, so no money , no lifts and if he steals anything report to police, put locks on your bedroom doors and keep all valuables in there so he can't take them. It sounds drastic, but the whole situation is drastic.

Sending you strength xx

Original poster
FluffySlipperSocks · 06/03/2018 18:58

I drove round looking for him earlier. Dont know what it would have achieved..Haven't had contact other than the odd text for a few weeks now.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 06/03/2018 19:12

Oh fluffy you must be beside yourself. Don't suppose he's on face book? Or has any mates that are?

He'll be fine, oblivious to your worry, and just absorbed in his own thing for now.

endofthelinefinally · 06/03/2018 19:30

If you can ensure he gets no money or property from you, he is more likely to come to the attention of the police.
That may be the only way he gets rehab.
My son never stole anything, never hurt anyone.
In a way, I think that was why it was impossible to get any help.

RebootYourEngine · 06/03/2018 19:38

I have some experience in this. Not through a child but family member. My advice would be to shut yourself off emotionally from him. You can not do anything until he is ready.

Be there when he needs you and support him if/when he decides to help himself but dont go driving around looking for him.

endofthelinefinally · 06/03/2018 20:13

With the best will in the world, how can anyone shut themselves off emotionally from their child?
It is horrendous and a very lonely and tormented place to be.
OP, I wish I had the answer.

ParkheadParadise · 06/03/2018 20:39

Unfortunately when you are in this situation it is impossible to shut yourself off emotionally from your child.

endofthelinefinally · 06/03/2018 20:50

I did help someone get out of the country they were in and into a detox. But it required a lot of people, planning and money.
I only had the guts to do it because I had already lost my own child and didn't want another parent to go through it.

Badgerloco · 06/03/2018 20:57

Where I come from taking drugs was more common than going to University. A lot of us went off the rails as you describe between 18 and 28, we did always hold down jobs though. Most of us have all gone on to be more successful than the norm I’d say. My dad threw me out at 21, which just allowed me to be wasted all the more. No advice as such, I just wanted to do what I wanted at that age. It must be very worrying for you, now I’m a parent I look at it totally differently. Although we got into a lot of scrapes, we all survived without criminal records.

WillAgeDisgracefully · 06/03/2018 21:29

The famanon website has a forum. They follow the twelve steps and whilst that's maybe not of interest to you just reading the posts will help. They are also very supportive and kind

RaspberryCheese · 06/03/2018 22:16

If people want to take drugs, let them take them.

With freedom comes responsibility. The so called and self styled "young professionals" (aka workers) often think its so cool to have a sniff of coke with their mates. Offer them a loaded syringe of heroin? they'd laugh at you. Thats for druggies.

Britain is awash with drug addicts. If it isnt coke and heroin, its tobacco and alcohol,,

Original poster
FluffySlipperSocks · 06/03/2018 22:45

RaspberryCheese it's hard to have that mentality when it's your own child destroying their brain cells and putting their heart at risk... and when you half expect the police to turn up at anytime to say your son has died.

OP posts:
Original poster
FluffySlipperSocks · 06/03/2018 22:47

WillAgeDisgracefully I will look on their site. Thanks

OP posts:
RaspberryCheese · 06/03/2018 22:53

Oh i know fluffy,,it must be soul destroying. I have had exposure to it in the past of dealing with class A users. I know how it goes with them. The lies, the deception,the crime. They care for little other than their next fix. All you can do is get on with your life and be there when they REALLY want help and are not just bluffing it again.