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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask , did you grow up rich or poor?

111 replies

SteveAs · 04/03/2018 18:54

I would for me , in between , we weren't over the top wealthy but I still lived quite a good childhood , there was never any problems financially

OP posts:
AnnabelleLecter · 04/03/2018 20:02

Quite well off. We had a house in a lovely location but it was very small as we grew up. My parents paid it off really early with inheritance but they wouldn't move or have central heating put in.
We had a car when only one other family on the road did, a phone but only knew two people with phones, lots of holidays and days out, school trips/holidays, toys, presents and birthday parties, after school activities, pocket money and a generous allowance and latest gadgets when we were teenagers, always had plenty of nice food in. We had a big garden with sand pit, huge climbing frame, swings etc. Loads of neighbours DC came to ours to play.
Dps never bought anything cheap always had choices.

user1488397844 · 04/03/2018 20:04

We weren't well off & moved around a lot due to domestic violence so when we were housed by women's aid it was generally in an area of deprivation. Our childhood wasn't particularly happy but it wasn't terrible either. I didn't realise we had no money as everyone was the same on our estate in primary school, but then I met a friend from a nicer area and realised how many things we didn't have. I was always very conscious not to ask for branded clothes/pocket money so I must have known there wasn't any. I try now to instil in my own DC how lucky they are to have all the things they do. We never had holidays,branded clothes,trips were very rare and we had never been to the cinema until I was 14. I think my mum worked incredibly hard just to keep our heads above water &I do admire her for that.

FloppyDoodle · 04/03/2018 20:11

We were quite poor looking back. My DM would make me and my DB dinners and she would say that she wasn't hungry and went without. I've realised in the last few years that she actually WAS hungry but made sure that her children were fed as there wasn't quite enough for us all. We were poor money wise, but we're completely overflowing with love.

MrsGloop · 04/03/2018 20:15

I’m surprised that so many people who had foreign holidays consider themselves to have been either “poor” or “middle of the road”. We were poor - every other hear we had a week at Butlins and we thought we were at the Ritz! Just goes to show that it’s all relative.

pinkginanyone · 04/03/2018 20:15

Poor, lived in rented house, on benefits, no treats, dad was made redundant and turned to drink for a few years. Mum had to work two jobs and her parents would give her the money for groceries/school uniforms etc.

I never really thought about it until my best friends mum told her not to hang about with me because we lived in the rough estate, that hurt, we were only 7! Then again in big school when I got teased for wearing trainers from pound stretchers & getting free dinners. It made me an easy target for the bully’s.

Bit better of now but not much.

pinkginanyone · 04/03/2018 20:16

Oh & I had to get a job at 12 to pay housekeeping!

shouldaknownbetter · 04/03/2018 20:16

Both, my dad was either making lots of money or losing lots of money.

Went from living in a massive house going to private school to being yanked out and put in the local comp, house on the market, bailiffs at the door.

At least I got to see both sides of the coin and develop some perspective!

Queenoftheblitz · 04/03/2018 20:21

Poor in the 1960s. Six of us living in two rooms, outside loo, tin bath, no phone, no car, no central heating, parents sometimes went without food so we could eat.
At the age of about 8 my teacher told us avout underfloor heating and I was agog at how space age it was.
We were happy however.

MollyHuaCha · 04/03/2018 20:22

Poor

Lloyd45 · 04/03/2018 20:26

I had the best childhood, we weren't rich or poor, middle of the road. My parents gave me so much time, they were never to busy or tired. I never felt poor even though I mixed with people who were very wealthy.

IHaveACuntingPlan · 04/03/2018 20:27

We never had a lot of money, we had an ex-council house that was messy and cluttered and overcrowded, we never went abroad or stayed in a hotel, we rarely went on daytrip, we didn't eat fancy food, we wore hand-me-downs, we had a clapped out old banger as a car.

We definitely weren't rich.

We didn't feel poor though because we never went to bed cold or hungry and never went without appropriate clothes and the clothes we had were, despite being 2nd hand, or even 3rd or 4th hand, in good condition. We were clean and not smelly or unkempt (or at least not unusually so). We had holidays, even if they were in an old caravan, and always seemed to enjoy them. We got what we asked for for Christmases and birthdays, mostly, and didn't have to scale back our ideas.

At the moment, dh and I are on the bones of our arses. We have no money. We are having to tighten our belts so much that we're in danger of cutting off the circulation to our feet. We do have a roof over our heads though and food on the table. We're skint but we don't consider ourselves to be poor.

CeeCeeMacFay · 04/03/2018 20:27

Same as yellow

Theresasmayshoes11 · 04/03/2018 20:29

Poor. We always ate well as had free school meals. Had to queue seperate to the kids whose parents paid. So very stigmatised.

Then passed the 11+ in 1975 and that’s when I really knew we were poor. Girls grammar some in massive houses while others single parent immigrants. I was too ashamed to ask my best friend back to ours as she had a massing house and they were rich.

Met dh at 17 and he was from similar background of humiliation.

We are now well off and struggled to not spoil our kids materially but it’s diffivuly. No bugger will ready my girls for having the ‘wrong shoes’ not ever.

I don’t think though that my childhood was lacking in love and neither was my children’s.

That’s what matters unltmatly.

My parents put us first and we put our kids first

SuperBeagle · 04/03/2018 20:31

Neither. Firmly middle class.

There was little disposable income, but my mother owned a 3 bedroom "typical" house in a good area, and I went to private schools.

I wasn't as well off as many of my peers, but I would say I was on par with many of them - particularly those who also came from single parent households.

kaytee87 · 04/03/2018 20:31

That's very subjective isn't it?

My parents owned our 4 bedroom house in a middle class area, we had a foreign holiday every year, weekends away sometimes, music lessons and tutors.

Some would think that was rich and others not so much.

EggysMom · 04/03/2018 20:32

Middle, I'd say. My parents had a mortgage rather than renting, but DF worked in manual labour. My DM worked part-time to fund holidays abroad, before that we holidayed by camping in the UK. No spare money as such, good work ethic, both myself and DB had paper rounds and then Saturday jobs.

Years ago I'd have classed us as poor, but then I met DH2be who lived in rented accommodation, had to share beds, tells awful tales of no heating and sometimes his DM giving up food so the kids could eat.

noeffingidea · 04/03/2018 20:39

Poor up to the age of 11 or so, when my Mum trained as a teacher. Before that there were 7 of us living off a single wage. My Mum worked very hard and made sacrifices to ensure we were clean and had enough to eat. Neither of my parents smoked and drank only rarely, which helped, but my Dad did spend money on his own interests.

AugustRose · 04/03/2018 20:39

I'd say fairly poor but like others I didn't realise fully how bad things had been until I reached my teens. We children didn't want for anything but I know my parents did without or often had less to make sure we had shoes/clothes etc.

I often remember my mam moving the money around between the rent and bills and barely managing some months. We were slightly better off for a while when she worked as a manager for M&S but it was long hours and a good distance from home so she changed jobs, then my grandad died and my dad developed a condition in his hands that meant he couldn't do his job any more and was off sick for a year (in great pain with blistered fingers) so that was it and we were back to scrimping every penny.

Me and DH struggle now and I know my mam hates it, is always offering to help (she has more now she is retired, has no mortgage and re-married) but we won't take it as she deserves to be able to spend things on herself after how hard it was for so long.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 04/03/2018 20:41

Middling until I was around 12 - dad was a civil servant and mum was a speech and language therapist. Second hand clothes and a calculator in the supermarket.

Comparatively wealthy until I was about 18 - but every spare penny went on two sets of private school fees, so very few holidays, very old cars etc.

After that my parents were much wealthier. I wouldn't say that money was no object but dad was on a good six figure salary and we got a bit spoilt!

Queenoftheblitz · 04/03/2018 20:43

Theresamay, free school meals were indeed stigmatising. Our parents refused them for that reason.

Bluelady · 04/03/2018 20:44

Comfortable, neither one extreme or the other. Same as now.

LBOCS2 · 04/03/2018 20:46

Relatively well off. We had a large house with good sized garden in London. Dsis went private, I went to good state - and if I hadn't got in, then I would have been private too. We had extra curriculars - swimming, skating, riding, piano, violin, clarinet. Our parents separated when I was 9 and it didn't make any difference to our living situation (as far as I was aware at the time, although I later found out that DM had borrowed money from DGM to buy DDad our of the house).

Lots and lots of love too. We were very lucky.

SoftSheen · 04/03/2018 20:49

Middling for most of childhood, then relatively comfortable from mid-teens onwards.

Well-fed, but simple food (lots of fruit and veg, eggs, cheese, baked potatoes, pasta etc, cheaper cuts of meat in casseroles, but chicken was a treat, and things like individual yoghurts and kitkats were big treats).

Reasonable clothes but mostly second-hand or made by my mother. If anything was bought new it was always bought several sizes too big to get several years' use out of it. My mum cut both our hair badly and my Dad's.

Holiday every year but always in UK and usually camping. Occasionally my grandparents would gift some money and we'd rent a cottage. We never stayed in hotels or ate in restaurants, ever.

We always had a nice little pile of presents for Christmas and birthdays but they were relatively inexpensive things (books, colouring pencils) or things that we needed, like a new school bag. I did get a new bike one year though, which was hugely exciting!

My parents could never afford to buy new cars, or any new furniture. My dad made various beds, bookcases etc and when the cooker was beyond repair it was replaced with a second-hand one. We had central heating but it was used economically. Hot water bottles were in regular use during the winter!

I had a very good childhood. Despite money being a bit tight, my parents gave us a good range of experiences and plenty of attention. Plenty of picnics, playing in the woods, trips to the beach, painting in the garden etc. When they did have some spare money, they were more likely to spend it on taking us to the zoo, or on a day trip to London, than on buying stuff for themselves.

LinoleumBlownapart · 04/03/2018 20:51

Well off in a wealthy London borough. Weekends out of London and foreign holidays. I certainly didn't think about money or have money issues growing up, had nice clothes, toys and food, but as a teen I was made to get a part time job and start earning money for any extras. Hated it at the time but I'm grateful now.

GrouchyKiwi · 04/03/2018 20:54

Poor but not in poverty. Living in the countryside outside of a small town in New Zealand meant that we had a wonderful life but we rarely had any luxuries. There were seven children on one salary (Mum was a SAHM). My father had what was a good job when he started but pay didn't keep pace with inflation.

DH is from a very comfortable MC family here and his life was so different from mine. I struggle with that sometimes, especially since his parents are keen to help out with our financials.

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