To allow/enable the dc to spend their own pocket on me for mother's day?

[theduchessstill]

I am a single parent. The dc finally got bank accounts this year and I am the only one who ever pays into it. They have a couple of hundred each, comprised of birthday/ Christmas money and the modest monthly allowance I give them, though I also buy them other non-essential stuff each month anyway. We haven't got a system going yet. Their savings are in different accounts and can't be accessed until they're 18.

I never know what to do when it comes to them buying stuff for me/their dad/each other at birthdays/parents' days/Christmas. The last thing I want is for them to spend their money on me, but I do think it's important they learn to give as well as receive. I remember an aunty used to give me money to spend on others, so I learnt the joy of giving that way - but I never had a bank account with a couple of hundred in it to spend on myself if I wanted either.

Ex wouldn't give them 5p to spend on me (I get them stuff to give him, but he never reciprocates). I don't want a pile of pointless tat, but they don't make cards in school anymore, won't get organised to make anything (and don't have the materials at ex's house either) so I will get a big fat nothing unless I take them to the shop myself and then, as has always been the case up until now, pay for it myself as well. Seems a bit pointless. DS2 has said he wants to get me a chocolate orange, but will just expect it to materialise in his room on the day unless I sort it.

Should I just forget the whole thing? Or should I be teaching them consideration for others (well, obviously I should) and is part of that acknowledging these events? They're 10 & 8.

I’d give them a couple of quid each if they want to choose you something. It would seem weird to have them spend pocket money that was meant for them even if it came from someone else imo.

Erm. It’s a difficult one because I wouldn’t want my children spending their birthday/ christmas money on me. What I would probably do is give them a small amount each. Even if it’s 2 or 3 or 5 quid each so they have the enjoyment of finding something they think you will like and having the nice feeling of giving it to you with pride they chose it? What you think?

Yes that's what I normally do and it's always been lovely. I suppose what I'm asking is at what age can/ should they start putting their own money towards small gifts and cards for others?

Nobody is born knowing how to organise presents for other people.
It's part of bringing DC up to let them learn how to do this.And they will probably really love getting something for you.

Ask them which shop they want to go to, to use THEIR money, and explain that you'll stand in the corner, not watching, so they can get you a suprise.
Don't forget to let them buy a bag/ wrapping paper.

Any child over 5 will enjoy,and learn.

Plus you may be surprised and touched at what they get you!

But if you give them the money, in what sense are they giving you something? Don't belittle them.Allow them to give.

My kids are slightly older (11&15) but they do use a small amount of their own money to buy me birthday / Christmas / Mother's Day stuff. I give them pocket money each week, so they use a portion of that. So many people complain that their partners don't buy them thoughtful gifts, I think it's important for them to learn the skill young.
I know that as soon as I was old enough to have money of my own I paid for things like that for my parents, and they were still together, it was just something I was expected to budget a small amount for, and it was a good life skill to learn.

Of course you should let them use their own money. Meaningless otherwise.

Completely agree that you should teach children the art of present giving and using their own money

But how can they use the cash in their account if it can’t be accessed until they are 18?

Setting it up from the beginning works well. As you give pocket money, you ask, "what do you want to save, what's for other people or charity and what's to spend?".

Which is why I prefer cash for pocket money. Then the 'savings' can go into the account.

Why don't you get them to do a little job for you in the house and pay them a couple of pounds each. They would of then earned money to spend on you.

I suddenly realised this year that giving my kids money to buy me a present was a bloody stupid exercise. I got my oldest to organise the others and they all donated a bit of pocket money, then went to a shop by themselves (with me standing down the street waiting to meet them) and actually managed to choose a really good present which totally matched my taste and surprised me!

They don't seem to have thought of doing the same for Mother's day though. I feel a bit mean having to nudge them / coerce them into doing this, but at the same time I want them to grow up to be thoughtful people who do choose presents for others.

I set my kids a maximum budget £5 gift and 99p on the card. (we have a Card Factory where cards start at 29p) I have wrapping paper at home.

Ds is 8 and loves to buy us presents himself, he spends a lot of time thinking of what to get and selecting and paying for it. I wouldn’t want him to spend a lot but a pound or so on some chocolate is a lovely thought.

Asda do a Mothers Day card making pack for £2 it's fab. 6 cards, Mum x2, Mummy x2 and Grandma x2 stickers, words such as lovely fantastic great stickers and lots of heart stickers and jewels. DD (4) and i had a fab time making them. Single Mother here with an ex tighter than a flea's bum hole so nothing from DD by way of him but yes DD will be spending out of her own pocket in a couple of years! At the moment i just treat myself to a nice present.