To want to punch the next person who says "nice to see you up and about"

[NewlyWonky]

I had a sudden onset of symptoms associated with previously undiagnosed hypermobility / EDS, plus PoTS, plus pelvic floor spasm, plus more things that are still being investigated including mast cell disorders. This started 6 months ago and has been dreadful - I am in so much pain, I am so exhausted, and I am pretty sad about it all.

I am managing to do some of my (fairly high-ranking) job on the pastoral side of my teaching post, and have been since the start of January, but because I am still using crutches all I get is the sympathetic head tilt and sick-person talk. I love my colleagues, but how long do I have to be chronically ill but stable before they accept that I'm still me, I just come with a couple of sticks, a slow pace, and hidden agony and exhaustion. I did used to dash around like a loon but still, my smile hasn't changed!

No one? Guess I must be extremely unreasonable...

Maybe they’re just happy to see you “up and about” again. No chance they’re trying to be nice?

Sounds to me like they're genuinely glad to see you making progress. Would you prefer if they didn't acknowledge your illness?

Are they just glad to see you back in the old routine? Perhaps you're not hiding the agony and exhaustion as well as you think, and they feel genuine sympathy for you.

Abrupt subject changes with them not working? I've found with pregnancy you have to be almost rude in changing the subject but now I don't have to talk about it often at all, maybe that might work for you?

I think it's the fact that certain colleagues keep saying it. Sorry, clearly I am unreasonable - I just wish for a bit of normality.

When you say sympathetic head tilt is this in response to work talk or them asking how you're doing?

Sorry, x-posted - thanks Gummy, that's what I'll keep trying. ROTFL, it is the first thing that anyone does, whether I'm trying work talk or not. I know that it's because they're lovely and I'm a cowbag, but when you get it from 10 people in a row it's REALLY hard to keep smiling.

YADNBU - I'm 6 years in to chronic pain/EDS/ Fibro plus a whole host of other conditions that seem to swarm round EDS like flies on shit.

The head tilt and 'what happened to you?!' (Expecting some story about crazy wild behaviour that can be laughed off with a 'what are like? Eh?!') turns in to a shuffle with a "it's good to see you up and about anyway..."

So until people get used to seeing you living your life in the best way you can, you're going to have to put up with this blasé shit. Acceptance is needed on both sides; and if it gets too bad, think of some witty one liners to make those who really behave like dicks squirm a bit.

Best of luck on your journey chin chin!

Yes you are unreasonable but for the most reasonable of reasons you are sad and grieving for the old you and people in an effort to communicate with you are using small talk and this is just reminding you this is not how you see yourself... so in the op you said when will they accept this is me (or something on those lines) when in actually fact it is you who is struggling with accepting this is you from now. You will get there and people will annoy the tits off you with some of the stupid things they say but small talk is a way into conversation where as they could ignore you instead and this would be much worse .

I don't think you're being unreasonable, maybe you're worried about being defined by your illness? If certain colleagues keep mentioning it, it might be worth having a chat with them about how you just want to get on with things and be treated the same as before.

Thanks so much for taking the time - planet, you are very wise, iammarge, so are you, and a to Daily for all this crappiness. I'll start on the witty-one-liner pocket book...

👊

I can completely understand where you're coming from, I have fibro after an accident where I injured my back. Every single day someone asks me how my back is - my back is the same, it's fucked, sometimes I don't know how I will get through the day.
I don't want to talk about it. Ever!
I know they're being kind and caring but how many times can I be asked. I go home at the end of each day feeling like all I've done is talked about my back and people must be so fed up with me.

Yes, Nacho, that is exactly it! I do NOT want to be that friend/colleague with boring health problems, especially as some of the problems are quite private... talk to me about anything else.

YABVU, they just sound concerned about you.

It won't last long anyway, in a while they will forget you have any problems and you may find yourself being asked to do more than you're able to.

Thanks apostropheuse, I know they are concerned, you are right. I think I worry that if I need the crutches for a long time then there will always be pity, not least because I can't explain my complex health rubbish to the entire staff body!

Yes exactly, and how do you not answer the "how's your back", without coming across as rude or making people feel like they've said something wrong?
YANBU at all, I wish I knew what the answer was.