To want to speak to my son on his birthday?

[ilovemilton]

Because I want to write on Facebook, what kind of twat doesn’t let his son speak to his mum on his birthday, and that’s not appropriate.

Link to previous thread.
https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3158336-to-be-upset-that-ds-can-t-have-a-birthday-party

It’s bad enough that he’s forced to go to contact on his birthday, instead of being allowed to do what he wants to do. Turns out exh has taken him two hours away to stay with family, that are no better than he is, so DS is now in a stranger’s house being ignored instead of at home.

I’ve tried to call exh last night and all day today. Both mine and DD phone are blocked. He’s ignoring calls from other numbers. He’s ignored texts asking for DS to be allowed to call.

We have this every weekend and DS returns home upset that he can’t talk to me, but his birthday ffs?

To be honest, having read your previous thread, is there a chance that you're projecting your unhappiness at the situation onto your ds?

I don’t make him cry about having to go to contact, or cry when he returns having not been allowed to speak to me. I’m assuming that will be worse when he returns tomorrow, since it’s his birthday.

It seems a bit like you're overreacting to your son needing to spend time with his father, your son has adopted your mentality.

If you're going to react so drastically to your son going to his father's on his birthday, and therefore having a party a week later - which is 100% normal for most kids, it's very rare in my experience for kids to have a party on their actual birthday - I'm not sure I can really blame your ds's father for blocking your number. I bet he just wants some peace.

And these aren't strangers - they're your son's paternal family ffs.

DC were upset about this previously and so it’s in the order that he has to allow them to speak to me each day of contact. And since the judge never agreed with me on anything, I always think that any point I won, I must have been very correct!

They’ve seen him about 3 times. They don’t normally make contact on birthdays or Christmas. Just blood doesn’t make someone not a stranger.

As a child with two families, it's really important for your son to understand that the actual day of a birthday/Christmas doesn't really matter, and he's lucky he gets to celebrate them twice.

Don't psyche him up into thinking that the actual day is a massive deal.

You're only making things harder for him for the future.

Can you make next Sunday his 'official birthday' and have his presents, cake, favourite meal and film then instead?

When he gets home just tell him how much you've missed him and that you cannot wait to celebrate his 'official birthday'!!

Oh and also- no you are definitely not being unreasonable- he's your son!!!

We have a party planned for next weekend. The whole birthday plan is sorted really, even if it isn’t how he wanted it.

I’m just really upset that I’m not allowed to talk to him, despite it being written in the order, and knowing that DS will be upset when he returns tomorrow. He always comes back upset and says something like, why didn’t you call me, daddy said he tried and you wouldn’t answer.

He probably comes back upset because you’re upset. It’s in his interest to have a relationship with his father, who is after all the man chose to be the father of your child.

If you’re positive about your son seeing his father, he will be. At the moment you are making everyone miserable, and causing your son serious emotional harm.

I agree with the poster above. I think you're the issue here - your son is too young to really understand what's going on, but he sees that you're unhappy about it, so he becomes unhappy about it.

It's in his interest to have a good relationship with his father - and I'm sure that's what his father wants or he wouldn't be putting all this effort in.

You're the one who has convinced your son that a party has to be on the actual birthday. You're making him upset when he doesn't need to be.