AIBU to consider 2+ hour each way commute to dream job?

[Enni2S]

The situation is as follows. I'm married with no DC and live with DH in an owned home. I have recently been offered a job I've wanted for years, but it is split between 2 locations, which are both 2+ hours away from my house (in different directions). My potential new employer is willing to let me work from 2 days a week, and would cover travel costs for one of the locations. My commute would look something like this:

Mon - 2.5 hour each way train journey (work on train allowed)
Tue/Wed - 2 hour each way drive
Thu/Fri - work from home

Moving is not an option for DH due to his job, but he fully supports me getting a flat somewhere closer to new job. I just really love where I live so would prefer not to move if possible.

AIBU to want to try this? Has anyone done something similar and survived?

I’d do it! I’d stay in a hotel every Tuesday night. I don’t actually think it’s that bad, and being able to work on the train is a bonus! Podcasts on the long drive. I actually want this job, but that’s because I’ve got kids so the thought of sleeping in a hotel every Tuesday night, and 2.5hrs in the car alone sounds quite nice.

I think it's perfectly doable, given that you would only be commuting 3 days a week. You'd be commuting 14 hours a week. Many people who commute to London spend much more time than that. Personally, I have a slightly shorter commute than you would have, but go in 4 days a week so overall the amount of time is much the same. Mine is all on the train (plus walking to and from stations) but seats can't be reserved so sometimes I have to stand an hour each way.

When my children were younger I only went in 3 days a week which made things more manageable.

If it's your dream job, go for it!

If you are travelling into London, it may be worth considering a club, rather than airbnb or similar, so that you can enjoy some sort of social life and build contacts, too. All the best.

I have a similar commute for work, however my long distance travel would be for meetings etc so not as frequent. I personally don’t mind it. I have figured out how to get work done on a train and the best times to travel. It can be fairly tranquil and fun to explore new areas. I would go for it. You’re only spending 3 days a week travelling

Broadly speaking, whereabouts generally are you and where do you need to commute? I’m thinking that someone could help to figure out a better route. For example the train journey could be broken up into separate trains, perhaps there is a faster service for one branch of the journey. For the car journey, could you use a Park and Go train service where you drive to a station, park your car and do the rest of the commute on the train? This means that you’d have a shorter drive and may potentially be a feasible option. If not, the hotel sounds good too.

I’d stay overnight Tuesday so you cut out 4 hours driving.

My commute is as follows.

5 min walk to station
1hr 15mins on train.
22 min bike ride.

So a bit over 90 mins. I do this 4 days a week.

It’s ok.

If you could stay in a hotel on a Tuesday that would make it a lot better. But if you’re planning kids in the future I wouldn’t.

So would your two hours each way on the train be included in your work day? So you could get the train at 9am then get back on the train about 4pm?

Then I would stay overnight on the Tuesday so your fresh to drive home Wednesday night.

What are your back up plans? Are you dependent on one or two main roads / a single train provider?

What about DC?

Who provides the car / pays for the car commuting costs?

Are you set up properly to WfH two days a week?

What is the fall back if it doesn't work out for you?

Can you justify a Travelodge near work on Tuesday night?

I spent 2 years doing this - at first by public transport, then driving. Driving was slightly better as could avoid hanging around for connections.

2 years of 2 hours each way, 5 days a week.... I’ve no kids, but was in my bed by 9pm every night, so I could be up at 5am. Grim.

Can’t tell you how much happier i am in this job which is 1.15hrs travel each way, with 1 WAH day each week. That tiny improvement has made such a difference.

No plans for any DC. It would be my car I'd be driving, which is unfortunate as I currently drive a 29mpg 2 seater which I would have to trade in. Train times would be included into my work day, but I'd be expected to work a full day and add toil (which I could use on the driving days).

Plan B is to get a flat in the two day location, at which point I wouldn't bother working at home. Financially I'm able to do that, but it would make me sad moving into a one bed pre-furnished flat after just working so hard to fix up my own home. I lived away from home before and it didn't affect my relationship with DH, but it did affect my personal happiness.

I've done long commutes before, but against my will and with awful connections. The worst time was a commute that involved a 15 minute walk to the station, 40 minute train, 10 minute walk to the next station, 5 minute train and 10 minute bus. This journey always took me 2+ hours and was miserable, but only because the amount of (missed) connections involved. My current commute is between 45 minutes and 1h 15 minutes, 5 days a week.

I can travel via motorway or a road if necessary. I don't see the arrangement lasting more than 2 years, but I get the feeling I'll be involved in battling logistics as long as I am married to DH

I've done long commutes for many years (pre-DC) by car and then later by train and it was tiring but fine, despite long working days as well. I actually appreciated the quiet time to wind down, particularly with the car journeys. Now with DC I do 4 days, 2 of them from home and that makes a huge difference in terms of balance so I think you'll be fine.

I'd be inclined to stay in a hotel on the Tuesday night as others have suggested. If you don't fancy it some weeks there's nothing to stop you travelling home but good to have the option if you're tired, whereas if you buy a flat there you'll feel obliged to make use of it even if you'd rather go home!