Husband doesn't spend evenings with me

[Hammy12345]

I'm fully prepared to be told IABU and should be more supportive. My husband works away one or two nights a week, where he will go out with his friends for a meal and drinks, which he doesn't seem to find tiring.
Pretty much every night he is a home (5 or 6 per week) he goes to sleep putting our DS to bed, and will then stay there all night. I have suggested not laying down with DS (I don't with DD) so then he doesn't feel sleepy. Each night I wake him up and ask him to come down, the majority of nights he refuses. I am left to clean up from the day alone and watch TV on my own and then sleep on my own.
I feel really sad spending most nights alone, we don't have quality time together and I feel pissed off that I do all the clearing up at night whilst he just sleeps. I don't think there is anything medically wrong with him as he has no problem being up later at night when he works away. This situation makes me feel shit about myself, but then again he works hard, I'm a SAHM, so maybe I should let him sleep?

I used to do this when my kids were small. It changed when they got older and I didn’t have to lie down with them.
It wasn’t anything purposely done I just fall asleep with the boredom.

Both DH and I were guilty of falling asleep with the DC when they were little. Doing it every night that you’re home is odd though.
You manage the bedtimes and clear up on your own when he’s working away, so why don’t you do the bedtimes and leave DH to clear up for the next few nights?
He’s less likely to cuddle up for a snooze with the dishwasher

I don't understand this falling asleep with your dc? Where? In their bed? How can that be comfortable? For either you or them?

How old are your dc and how long does putting them to bed take? Does he always do ds and you dd? That would annoy me anyway as surely he should be spending time with them both. And I’m guessing when he’s away you do both.

You definitely need to talk to him. Personally though I’d change the routine to, one of you do both dc bedtime, while one cleans up (alternate this). Presumably the eating out while away is, his dinner but is he staying out for drinks in a more social way too? Either way I’d definitely be finding a hobby for a night or two, for yourself.

He's either tired, bored or avoiding spending time with you. Just ask him which it is but be prepared for the answer.

I'd not be happy though to come home and be expected to start on the house work if my husband was home all day every day with no job to go to. I'd want to do bedtime so I was with my chidren.

Is there a reason why he only settles his son, and you settle your daughter?

BastardGoDarkly when Dd was little I could have fallen asleep on a bed of nails by the end of the day I was so bushed!

Depends what he does for work. Its not unrealistic for most working parents to simply be tired