Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To feel exploited

40 replies

Unemfuckingployable · 03/03/2018 21:32

When one of my stepchildren (30) has been living with us rent free for six months, another (26) is about to move in, and a third (28) has been living in my flat for the last four years at a vastly subsidised rent (about two thirds of the mortgage)?

OP posts:

Original poster

Unemfuckingployable · 03/03/2018 22:39

I’m so sorry but answering some of these very reasonable queries would be quite outing.
We’ve been married a long time, so that’s not really an issue and the stepchildren are absolutely family to me. That’s partly why I feel so let down by their seeing the relationship as being so one way.
But notsuchasmug puts her finger on it. It’s really about feeling that my husband is putting my needs last and his ongoing indulgence of his adult children. So in a way my annoyance at the children is a red herring and I need instead to address things directly with him.
Which is not easy, but that’s another story!

OP posts:

FrancisCrawford · 03/03/2018 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Unemfuckingployable · 03/03/2018 22:44

Upside - they are all employed - not earning crazy amounts but all earning what most people on here would regard as very good money. Wanting someone to make a contribution to the household - not necessarily financially, but by babysitting or cooking the occasional meal - isn’t a matter of caring about them or not but rather feeling that adults should be participants rather than purely recipients.

OP posts:

Wdigin2this · 03/03/2018 22:50

That would be my idea of hell, why don't you let them all stay with their father at the house, and you move back into the flat, anything would be better than what you're facing!

Snowmelt · 03/03/2018 22:51

You move into the guest room, stepson bunks in with his father.

goldenlilliesdaffodillies · 03/03/2018 22:52

I would find it hard having an extra 2/3 adults staying in the house. Can they not go and share your other property? If not, you will need some very strict house rules to make it work.

Jux · 03/03/2018 22:59

Of course they should contribute if they live with you and have jobs. I lived at home for a few years when I first started working and had to pay mum board & lodging. It's what responsible parents do.

Your dh is being an arse. Just move your study into the guest bedroom and use that pro tem. If the conditions in which they at yours is not great that'll move them along a bit more quickly!

missiondecision · 03/03/2018 23:01

I would find it difficult to respect or maintain a loving relationship with a man who indulges his adult children (fgs one is aged 30!!) without considering my needs and feelings.. Accommodating younger children is of course expected, but I wouldn’t want to live with adults where no contributions were forthcoming, not necessarily financial.
Can you propose a time limit? 6-12 months to get themselves organised. Or is this open ended?
I think I had meedcto male ot less attractive to love with you long term. Each cooks one evening per week, does the washing etc, have proper rota’s. Make it less irritating.

missiondecision · 03/03/2018 23:03

Oh the typos. I think you need to make it less attractive for them to live with you

Cindie943811A · 03/03/2018 23:05

Can you move your bed into the guest room?
Failing that buy a new bed your DH does like.
Ask SS to pay a more realistic rent to cover the mortgage.
Don’t wait for them to offfer to help around the house, babysit etc Ask them

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 03/03/2018 23:13

Cooking? Please tell me they chip in with cooking, cleaning and do their own laundry - if that all falls on to you they really are all taking you for a ride!

YellowMakesMeSmile · 03/03/2018 23:53

Your husband is their father, that doesn't stop when he gets a new wife. Mine will always have a home regardless of their ages.

Down to him if he takes a contribution from them for food etc. They shouldn't have to babysit (not sure who for) etc simply because they still live with a parent.

If you have your own chidren are you going to throw the, out at 18 and wash your hands of them?

Original poster

Unemfuckingployable · 04/03/2018 08:18

Yellow, your post makes me smile.

OP posts:

IdaDown · 04/03/2018 09:03

”You move into the guest room, stepson bunks in with his father.” Snowmelt

Genius - you get your own space and bathroom.
DH get’s to spend quality time with his son!

Seriously though, it might make DH realise what you’re putting up with and perhaps appreciate your tolerance more.
At this rate the kids will never be moving out...

Unem - “It’s wonderful you’re (DSC) living with us, now how are we divying up the housework? Oh, long term staying - excellent. Your DF and I are going to need extensive care in our dotage. I’ll just lift a cheek for you to wipe...”

Original poster

Unemfuckingployable · 04/03/2018 09:20

Now that really did make me smile!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2