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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would this annoy you-alcohol related

37 replies

Giraffeelephantgrape · 03/03/2018 05:00

Hi everyone
I would like some opinions as I may be bias.
We had a family celebration yesterday, a massive important event which involved a meal out. I am basically tea total, had one drink at Xmas, 8 years since I've been on a night out etc (sound boring but my choice not to drink). Anyway back to yesterday. I decided to have a little drink with my family. I had a single drink bought but a family member then another family member was getting a round in. They asked me what I wanted and I said single please after loudly mentioning I am driving in the morning. After I had finished my drink (which I thought was stronger than previous drink) my fil whispered in my ear that was a double. I know this is petty but aibu to be annoyed that he didn't listen to me about the measure of the drink?
I felt like it was someone not respecting my own choices but also know it sounds completely ridiculous to feel annoyed. Just interested in other people's opinions

OP posts:

Original poster

Giraffeelephantgrape · 03/03/2018 05:00

Sorry my paragraphs have disappeared

OP posts:

TheStoic · 03/03/2018 05:08

Yes that would annoy me very much.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/03/2018 05:39

Yes, this is very disrespectful. I assume you drank both drinks some time ago so you will obviously be fine to drive, not the point obvs. But you are a big girl and make your own choices. Your fit treated you like a boring child, who doesn’t know their own mind. But if you confront him, he will most likely act as if you are being ridiculously unreasonable and dramatic. So I’d chalk it up to experience.

Skittlesandbeer · 03/03/2018 05:43

Never drink with these people again. Next time they press you to drink, tell them why you won’t be, very clearly.

Slipping people extra drugs of any kind is really inappropriate, rude and dangerous.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/03/2018 05:46

People who try to get other people to drink more/get drunk are usually closet alcoholics who are trying to justify their own drinking.

However....there is a thing in my family that if someone orders a drink they will be bought the largest size of that drink because the round getter (usually the elder men) wants to be seen to be generous. So if you ask for a single it will be assumed that you asked for that to not be seen as being greedy, and they will get you a double as a "treat". Daft but true.

YANBU, they should have got what you wanted, but perhaps the intent wasnt as bad as it first appears. Who was the round getter?

Original poster

Giraffeelephantgrape · 03/03/2018 06:21

It was my father in law. I won't be drinking alcohol with him again. I think the fact he needed to whisper into my ear about it felt a bit goady? It has really upset me. Mostly because I am an adult and it seems disrespectful. I've woken up feeling a bit hungover and not driving now because I don't feel well and don't want to drive my three kids in icy conditions when I feel like this. (not blaming fil for feeling hungover, my body is not used to alcohol).

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FindoGask · 03/03/2018 06:27

That is annoying but I don't think any malice was involved. Or maybe it was, I dunno. I have experience of the sort of drinks-buying that Pyongyang mentions - I've got friends who, when getting a round in, would automatically buy a double rather than a single measure. Though also drinkers do often like it when non-drinkers are 'joining in' so there may have been an element of that too.

On another note, I used to drink regularly but for health reasons I've become more like you in recent months - however I would still struggle to control my intake on a night out, which I deal with by basically never going out!! So I'm impressed you managed to stick to two drinks all night and I hope I get there one day too.

GlitterBurps · 03/03/2018 06:35

Pyong makes a good point about it may be seen as a treat.

My BIL would order stronger drinks- sometimes triples and not tell you, so one of us would go to the bar with him to keep an eye out or decline his offer.

We later realised he was an alcoholic in denial and was trying to get us drunk so he could drink more himself.

Original poster

Giraffeelephantgrape · 03/03/2018 06:35

I agree I doubt there was any malice involved. I think also he had been drinking what I consider alot so maybe his judgement wasn't good.

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KochabRising · 03/03/2018 06:37

Yes that would annoy me greatly.

StealthPolarBear · 03/03/2018 06:37

Are tee totalers who only drink singles like vegetarians who only eat chicken?

Original poster

Giraffeelephantgrape · 03/03/2018 06:39

Yeah that's probably likely. My father in law is generous but does also drink an awful lot on nights out.

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Ifailed · 03/03/2018 06:41

Pretty standard at celebrations, I'm afraid. It can be seen to be grabby to order a double (as they are usually twice the price of every other drink), so people ask for a single, but the etiquette is to buy a double so as not to be seen as stingy. Maybe your FIL told you it was a double as he was aware you don't normally drink and wanted you to know?

Original poster

Giraffeelephantgrape · 03/03/2018 06:41

😂 😂 😂 I don't know. I do know that if an adult makes it clear they only want a single drink because they have to drive in the morning clear then that should be respected. Lesson learnt though don't let father in law by a drink for me

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PrincessoftheSea · 03/03/2018 06:41

I think if you very specifically said a single and why, I would have bought you a single. I don't think its a massive issue to be honest but I don't know if there is more to this. Are they usually pressurising you to drink?

StealthPolarBear · 03/03/2018 06:42

Yes of course :)

Canwejustrelaxnow · 03/03/2018 06:43

I think alcohol has more side effects than chicken.

I don't drink often as I get massive hangovers. Drinking doubles could push me into all day throwing up territory. It also affects my anxiety if I have too much. For these reasons I decide how much I drink, nobody else. I'd be fuming.

KochabRising · 03/03/2018 06:46

My MIL cooked me thrice reheated meat a while back. I’d asked her not to (I was ttc and I have had a dodgy tummy after her food before) - she promise not to, we were eating then she proudly announced I was eating the old meat.

Not amused. If you’ve asked and given a reason why then that should be respected. I dont drink much, no problem with everyone else having a skinful, but I don’t want to, and I’d be really pissed off if someone piled a load more into my drink than I was expecting.

GrannyGrissle · 03/03/2018 06:46

Didn't you notice the double tasting stronger or that the glass was fuller? As an occasional drinker and total lightweight i would feel the effects straightaway and taste the difference.

StealthPolarBear · 03/03/2018 06:50

Can we just I agree. I just find it odd that someone would declare the self pretty much teetotal but then describe how on a night out th e asked for a spirit

Original poster

Giraffeelephantgrape · 03/03/2018 06:53

I did notice it was stronger but thought I was being silly. There is a back story to this which doesn't involve alcohol but does involve me being undermined by him in a massive way which is one of the reasons why I asked mn cos I thought I might be overreacting. Usually the family respect I don't drink, this hasn't ever happened before to my knowledge.

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timeforabrewnow · 03/03/2018 06:53

I don't think you should be annoyed. You are an adult and didn't have to ask for an alcoholic drink and didn't have to drink it either. ie you could have left it

Your father - in- law probably wanted to be kind by getting you a double. Perhaps he thought you might enjoy yourself at the celebration

Historicallyinaccurate · 03/03/2018 06:54

Another one who has encountered the generous doubles buyer. I think he prob told you so you were aware, but not out of malice. Also, I wouldn't think three units would incapacitate someone to the extent that they were incapable of driving the next morning, which is why he probably didn't think that either.

Original poster

Giraffeelephantgrape · 03/03/2018 06:57

Stealth yes I agree with you. I was given a list of drinks when my sil ordered first drink and the spirit I chose was the only one I knew. Then I stuck to same drink cos I was worried about the effect on me if I swopped drinks. If that makes sense

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EasterRobin · 03/03/2018 06:58

If he told you before you drank it, I'd think it was fine... He is being generous; you can decide how much of it to drink. Telling you AFTER you've drunk it is disrespectful and I would be very angry as he is now letting you decide whether to vomit it up or not (which is not a "treat" by any measure).

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