Prepared for a flaming as a stepmother.
Here's the thing. Both our 2 DCs from previous relationships are now more or less independent, at college, living independently with college grants and jobs and we (DH and I) pay for the basic college fees. My DC dad is dead so obvs no support but SDC mother (DH ex) originally agreed to fund books and sundries for her and DH's shared DC as her contribution which worked out as roughly 50/50 shared costs iyswim. Great.
This worked well in years 1 and 2 but when year 3 and 4 arrived, SDC mum and her DH emigrated to live the self sufficient dream - doing up a huge property in warmer climes and has subsequently cut contact with us with regard to the sharing of costs. We only ever had contact with regard to co-parenting issues -and she is a notorious cheapskate-.
From SDC we have understood that books and sundries from year 3 were no longer required (the outlay in years 1/2 were for the whole course). So basically her contribution has dropped to zero while we are paying the full amount of the fees. Now, we have no intention of chasing her for anything, happy to continue the fee payments but feel a tad miffed that she seems to consider herself off the hook, not offering any contribution. In year 1 and 2 we received rather meticulous calculations itemising her outlay. She and her DH have sold up and basically given up careers to set up their new life. To be able to afford to do this they can't be too badly off, right?
So my AIBU is, is it unreasonable to have expected at least some kind of token contribution - even some kind of direct support to SDC's expenses if not directly towards college. We will be seeing the mum and SD at SDC Graduation next year and I will be very hard pressed not to make some kind of comment. Or should we take the high road and say nothing? Looking for perspective -or maybe some choice words- !