Nursery

[Theresasmayshoes11]

Just need some advice

. I have my dgd 3 days a week. She’s 2. I Love it but obviousiy its a commitment and I also have caring responsibilities. I am thinking off approaching my ds and dil to suggest dgd ups her nursery days to 2 ( she does 1 now and loves it) and we would pay for that day. That would free me up help elderly parents more and do other jobs etc. Get on brilliantly with my dil but don’t want her to think I don’t want dgd or offend her.

How do you think I should approach it? And would any of you mums think I would be unreasonable or even controlling/interfering to suggest it.

To add I am getting a bit tired too and think I would cope better with just 2 days.

Nope, if the person looking after my child felt this way I would rather be told. So kind of you to offer to pay also.
I’ve always told my parents that I didn’t want them to ever feel that my children were becoming a chore, and if they did to let me know.
You sound like a fantastic mil. Just be honest, perhaps start saying that you are funding it hard and then suggest the nursery.

Oh yes! Definitely tell them. 2 days is loads, and an extra day at nursery will be good for her as she learns to socialise.

Why would you pay for the day?

Surely, your DS has been getting three days of free childcare for however long it has been going on for, they should be grateful and accept you'd like to reduce your days caring for her without expecting you to pay her nursery fees for the dropped day.

I think you sound lovely, i wouldn't expect you to offer to pay for the extra nursery day.

Thanks sweet. I honestly don’t feel like it’s a chore but of course I am 50 and feeling a bit jaded now.

I thought the best way was to focus, and quite truthfully that by 2 upping nursery and mixing with other children and the structure of the nursery environment is beneficial? I mean it is isn’t it?

Oh no they wouldn’t expect it but they arnt flush for cash and we can well afford it and want to help out.

After our years of scrimping with small children we understand how things are and are more than happy to help. They wouldn’t expect it

I would be surprised if they let you pay for nursery. My MIL has DD every Wednesday, I feel cheeky asking for that much and am very cautious to ask for help at weekends as I don't want to take the piss.
I think you are doing the right thing for everyone.

Regarding how to approach it I would speak to your son and say your elderly parents require more help and so would they mind if you paid for her to do an extra day at nursery and you can still have her the other days. They should decline the offer for you to pay but I suppose it shows that you are still looking to help.

I completely agree with pp, my mum has my 3yo DS one day a week and collects the 8yo from school on that day. I would absolutely want to know if it was too much for her and if she wanted to stop. I do mention regularly to let me know if anything changes.

The only thing I would say is be aware nursery may not have space for an extra day or it may not be the day you would prefer to drop.

sock I don’t think they get any feee child care until she’s 3?

We were in a similar position, DS was in Nursery 2 days a week and with his grandma the other 3. She approached us and said she was tired, he can be very active and difficult to keep up with even for me! She said she loved having him and spending time with him but she needed a bit of a break. It was absolutely fine, we were grateful for how much she had helped so far and we upped his Nursery hours so he is now there 3 and a half days, and with grandma 1.5 days.

Just be honest with your DS and Dil, I bet you it'll be fine and they might even be expecting it a little bit (me and DP were!) it's such a huge favour and wonderful thing for you to do, I'm sure they won't mind increasing his Nursery days.

I don’t mind which day I drop as I am not working at the moment.

Please don’t think they arnt grateful they really are. My dil is lovely and ds of course.

Thanks all I feel better now

I wish my parent had told me they were struggling instead of ‘coping’ for the extra time they had suggested they look after DS.
After a month it was clear it was not working and I had to get an extra nursery day ASAP.
It’s marred our relationship rather than them just being truthful with both me and themselves

Tis thankyou that’s so reassuring.

And yes see that. I am coping now but I can feel things are gradually getting harder as of course toddlers are full on, gorgeous but full on. And my parents need help.

Right I will approach next week. Thankyou all so much

Not surprised you're knackered! I'm 34 and sent dd to mornings at nursery for a break as she is 2! Rather than offer to pay, which I doubt they'd accept, why not give them a big chunk of money for a birthday or Christmas so they have a bit of freedom to manage the money themselves? Doesn't need to be tied to nursery payments, could just be the equivalent amount so you know they are not down financially? Dh parents give us a big whack of money at Christmas every year and my god is it a welcome relief to have some money that can sit in the bank for emergencies!!

plucked

Brilliant idea and sounds less controlling than my idea. Thanks will do that and give them a cheque to use how they see fit.

You’ve been very kind to do three days. You certainly don’t need to offer the cost of the extra nursery day (but the suggestion of a cash gift does sound nice if you’re financially able/willing). I’d rather know that you’re struggling and sort alternative arrangements rather than let things deteriorate. It’s hard work looking after small people and the parents will know that.