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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to just sit here and cry?

54 replies

Merryoldgoat · 02/03/2018 15:07

I’m sorry but I’m at a pity party and I just need to let it out.

I’m two weeks post c-section so have a 2 week old plus my 5 year old DS.

I was discharged after 2 days and came home to a poorly 5 year old with a fever who needed a lot of care.

Managed to get 5yo comfy over the next day or so as newborn started to feed better so was largely positive.

The day 7 post delivery my BP spiked and I was readmitted and ended up so bad I was being monitored every 5 mins at one point.

BP was stable so I was released and came home to a sick 5yo again - horrific cold with chesty cough and terrible nose.

Now I’m sick too. Fever, sore throat, shivers and blocked nose.

In addition, I’ve had to get prescriptions from the doctor for BP meds and a cream for my son. Both times they prescribed things that aren’t available so I’ve had to make a nuisance of myself to get new prescriptions.

My husband has been back and forth in the snow for the medication etc. and we’re just both at the end of our tether.

The people in our support network are ill (one just out of hospital) so there’s not much help plus I wouldn’t want to make them sick again.

I just feel like going upstairs and howling. I’m so depressed and this first month which was supposed to be so happy (after a truly awful pregnancy) is just unraveling.

Sorry for the moan - I just can’t see the end but I know it will get better.

OP posts:

HyenaHappy · 02/03/2018 16:24

You poor thing. Sounds like you’re having a right time of it. Remember, this too shall pass. I know it doesn’t help much at time time but it really will pass. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and rest as much as you can.

Thinking of you and sending you a virtual hug

Qvar · 02/03/2018 16:25

No you are not being unreasonablkle and a cry might make you feel a bit better

It's a horrible situation but it will improve in 2 weeks maxiumum

ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 02/03/2018 16:26

Sympathies to you OP. I had a c-section after a difficult pregnancy so was knackered before baby even arrived. I also had a 17 month old at home. Winter is a really tough time with little children, they seem to catch every bug going and with the demands of a newborn thrown in the mix it's even harder. Just get through the days hour by hour and do what you need to do rather than want to do. I found recovery seemed to speed up after 3 weeks so you should find you start to feel 'better' soon.

I agree with earlier posters, I found it really odd how post section, which is major surgery, you're expected to be up within hours and just get on with looking after yourself and your newborn. I could barely move!

My DC's are now 16 months and and just under 3 years and we've had 3 weeks of endless colds, coughs, conjunctivitis god it's been grim and now the snow has meant we haven't been out in over a week and we live in the smallest flat you can imagine. I also feel rubbish with a cold and cough virus and my morning was spent bathing eyes and giving drops to two screaming children, wiping snot from everyone and changing diarrhoea nappies :( I completely lost the plot this afternoon with my 16 month old who is permanently stuck to my hip and won't be put down (extreme clingy phase) and my almost 3 year old crying hysterically because I wouldn't let her go in the garden, I ended up shouting 'shut up shut up shut up all of you I've had enough that's it I've had enough just shut up' and then felt horrendous for making them both cry even more :(

Badtimegirly · 02/03/2018 16:30

You poor lady, you sound so worn down right now, you could do what I do, have a good cry, wash your face and make a cup tea and have a biscuit. It's only a simple thing but sometimes the little bit of comfort helps.

Hope you have better days ahead

pointythings · 02/03/2018 16:34

Bloody hell, that's a plate full! Do have a good cry. Then you and your DH strip back all household stuff to the barest minimum. As long as everyone has some clean clothes and is fed and the house is warm, you're doing fine.

When the weather is better and you are all feeling better, you can pick up normal life again bit by bit.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 02/03/2018 16:37

Cry away! You've had an absolute shitstorm of awfulness, and the only comfort I can offer is that it can't possibly continue. Hopefully this is the darkest hour before the dawn.

Do ask friends for help - it's sometimes surprising how great friends you thought of as peripheral can be when you need help. Maybe they could take your 5 year old to see Peter Rabbit, that sort of thing.

Don't worry too much about your germs. They are just the usual ones, but are hitting your household like a ton of bricks because you are stressed and run down.

Congratulations on the new baby!

twomonkeys2 · 02/03/2018 16:40

I hope things improve for you soon, it sounds so tough.

I just wanted to add that you should go ahead and ask a friend or neighbour for help. I know if I thought that a friend needed help and they didn't ask I'd be so sad. I have older kids but I would adore to watch a newborn for a few hours while you get some rest in bed or make some tea for your 5yo while you both lie down. Just the company might help right now. In the meantime, hugs!

ForgivenessIsDivine · 02/03/2018 17:30

Do ask your neighbours and friends, even if it is just to pop to the pharmacy or drop a meal round... they will understand and will be pleased to be able to help. It is really really hard to ask for help but I quite sure you have enough in your Karma bank... people won't intrude but if there is something that they can do to help, I am sure they will.

froomeonthebroom · 02/03/2018 17:36

Have a cup of tea, a shower and put some clean pyjamas on. Have something easy for dinner like beans on toast and find rubbish to watch on TV. It's only a couple of hours until bedtime for the 5 year old and there's nothing to stop you going to bed then too! The baby will wake you if they need something.

When mine were tiny I would go to bed about 7pm and DH stayed up. I was then more awake for the later feeds etc.

🌷🌹

susurration · 02/03/2018 17:49

and a

Sending you lots of sympathy. Things can only get better!

Dragongirl10 · 02/03/2018 18:02

Op if you have savings now may be a good time to treat yourself to a night nanny( or day) just for a few days to get you and dcs well.

May be better to have some help now rather than a holiday later.

Hope it improves soon for you

Pandoraphile · 02/03/2018 18:40

Whereabouts are you? I'd adore to help out with a newborn!

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 02/03/2018 18:45

You are all so very kind.

I actually googled night nannies and I think I’ll enquire tomorrow to have one for 2 nights - I could just eek that out I think.

My DH has just done dinner, went out to the shop (thankfully extremely close) and bought some kind of pudding including custard.

My doctor very kindly faxed a new prescription to the very local chemist and we’re all settled in for the evening.

I’ve cancelled weekend visitors and my PIL are taking DS5 for a few hours I’m the afternoon.

Thank you again for being so kind and full of great advice.

OP posts:

LakieLady · 02/03/2018 19:16

Pudding with custard sounds like just the sort of comfort food you need, OP! If you lived near me I'd pop round with a vat of stew and dumplings, or a shepherd's pie or something. I'm a firm believer in the restorative power of good grub.

A night nanny sounds like an excellent idea, but don't feel afraid to ask friends and family for help too. Sometimes the simplest things can make a big difference/ I was really grateful to the friend who washed my hair for me when I had broken ribs. I had no idea that my manky hair was making me feel so crap until she washed it.

Dragongirl10 · 02/03/2018 21:34

Glad you are souunding more positive op you have really had a horrible time, rope in/pay for some help...put your feet up and rest....

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 03/03/2018 14:35

Just wanted to thank everyone again for the kindness yesterday.

The baby slept really well - 11pm to 2am then 4am to 9am so I managed to get some actual sleep.

My throat is horrific and I can’t stop shivering even though house is boiling and temperature is normal. I guess whatever hideous virus I’ve got is just running its course.

DS5 is with GP until 5ish and DH is dealing with everything else.

Whilst I feel awful physically I’m much better emotionally which was really worrying me before.

OP posts:

mimibunz · 03/03/2018 14:38

So sorry, OP.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 03/03/2018 14:51

Do you have any soluble solpadeine? If you gargle that on the way down it might help. Also hot water bottles for the shivery aches, and maybe a cheerful audiobook if you can't sleep.

Glad everything else is under control so you can just deal with feeling physically rubbish!

ForgivenessIsDivine · 03/03/2018 15:12

Throat: Gargle apple cider vinegar, lemon, honey, cayenne pepper, every half hour for 4 hours then every hour for 4 then every two hours, then every four until the symptoms are gone. Attaching the source of the infection should get rid of the shivers.

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 03/03/2018 15:14

Just did the gargling Tawdry!

I’m a Solpadeine fiend and being able to take it again is a real bonus.

I’m just watching the baby like a hawk for any symptoms but praying the breast milk he’s getting will ward it off.

OP posts:

holasoydora · 03/03/2018 16:14

OP glad you are feeling better emotionally. By the way your virus sounds really similar to one I had at Christmas (with no newborn to boot!) where as well as feeling utterly awful I also felt super emotional and just wanted to cry. A colleague had it and felt the same. So I bet you find you are coping much better once you are over it.

Are you combining painkillers for your shivers? Ibuprofen helped me.

holasoydora · 03/03/2018 16:16

Sorry just seen you are taking solpadeine! Hope it is helping!

GrannyGrissle · 03/03/2018 17:12

A good long cry is wonderful and helps you pull yourself together as well i find. Aim for fuck all; warm fed baby and children, sane parents.That is all that matters really. If screens and ready meals feature strongly fuck it and don't take it out on each other-Sounds like you and DP have a lovely relationship rare on MN Soon it will be better weather and you will hopefully get a diagnosis for DC1. You'll be all over the place from the birth let alone illness and ill DC. Hunker down and write off the first month or so-It really isn't necessarily a time of abundant joy- Fuck knows how i got through DD's first year it's all a complete blur. History is easily re-written after all

TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 03/03/2018 17:26

you're a star Merry

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 03/03/2018 18:46

Thank you everyone - doing much better now. Cycling solpadeine and ibuprofen which seems to have the shivers under control.

Looking forward to my dinner - DH is making me fancy burgers and fries with lots of cold blackcurrant squash.

If the baby escapes the bug I’ll feel like I hit the jackpot.

All of your advice and kindness really has made me stronger. Anyone who says MN isn’t supportive should read this thread and see the amazing people on here.

OP posts:

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