Do I reply?

[bigupapple]

Not a massive issue and not a aibu bug would like some advice , just wondering how to respond to a text I've just had,

I had a friend who lives very near me, use to see her most Fridays , she was part of my wedding 2 years ago, all good friends

Then last year I had a very late miscarriage, my whole world fell apart, apart from 1 message saying sorry to hear, a week later , and a message in the summer to say she's been really busy sorting out her new villa abroad and how stressful it was I've not heard from her at all, untill now,

Just got a hi how's you, you about the weekend for a catch up?

We live walking distance to each other,

I don't know how to reply, not sure I want to see her, it's upset me all year as when I needed ppl the most they weren't there,

What should I reply?

1 message saying sorry to hear, a week later , and a message in the summer to say she's been really busy sorting out her new villa abroad and how stressful it was
A fairweather friend imo.
What I'd think: Huh you can do one.
What I'd say: Got plans already thanks.

So sorry for the loss of your baby

I think it's fine to send the message you did.

BUT. For all you know, she suffered a similar loss and yours made her retreat into herself. Maybe not. I'm just saying, you just don't know, and while you were hurt, she maybe hurt too.

I am sorry for your loss, and good luck with your pregnancy.

for you OP, I'm sorry for your loss.

I lost two babies and found that some people didn't know how to speak to me, ignored me, or handled things badly.

It was hurtful, in particular my best friend and a close family member. They were both having issues of their own though, and I tried to not let it get to me.

Last year my friend sent a card with some money in it, and asked us to buy flowers for our babies grave. She said she felt that she hadn't been as supportive as she wished she had been but she found the whole thing confusing and was scared of upsetting us. She said she's realised that wasn't

This year my family member got in touch to say that she hadn't realised until she had her own child just how we must have felt to lose one. She was so sorry, so apologetic, and it meant a lot to know that even after all this time, she felt that she could come to me and try to explain.

People often don't know how to cope with someone else's loss, and they get it wrong and it does hurt. It's outside of the normal bereavement experience of lots of people, especially when it's a late miscarriage or a stillbirth.

I suppose you have to decide what you want to do now, if you want to see her or not, and how you would like things to be if you do.

If you would like to see her, but you feel you need to say something about her absence and the way it's made you feel, you could reply to say "I would like to see you, I've missed you this year and I've really needed to talk."

You might need to prepare yourself in case she doesn't react the way you would like her to though OP, and decide what you will do if she doesn't step up in the way you need her to.