AIBU to think I'm just as dedicated as other NHS staff?

[WhippinPiccadilly1]

Following a glut of SM messages about dedicated NHS staff staying overnight in hospitals etc, and how dedicated staff are, I'm sat here feeling like rubbish because I'm not in the position to do that.

I'm frontline NHS staff, but I'm also a single mother of 3, with one of them having special needs (ADHD).

The weather is okay where I am. Mild smattering of snow currently, but the weather is on the turn. I'm aware that overnight the snow may have fallen again and that I may have issues travelling to work in the morning.

I am not in the position to stay overnight to ensure I can do my shift or be on time. But I am every bit as dedicated as those who can.

I guess I just feel sad that life is already hard enough for single parents, and when you work and have children you can feel like you're doing a half a job of both... it's just another kick in the teeth I suppose.

In 2010 I could have died, going to work in the snow. I wrote off a 6 week old car trying to battle in. My car lost control due when a blizzard threw fresh snow on top of ice. My car was spinning, and I realised I was headed towards people (who had previously crashed) stood on the hard shoulder. I had to make the decision to pull the wheel to spin towards the central reservation rather than trying to steady the car, and risk my own life, because I was damn sure I wasn't going to kill those people on the hard shoulder, which as my car was headed straight at them, I would have done. If a HGV or other vehicle was in the other lane, I wouldn't have stood a chance. My car spun and hit the central reservation 3 times.

If the worst happens tomorrow, and I can't get in, AIBU to feel that I'll somehow be seen as not as dedicated as other people?

I don't think anyone will think you're not as dedicated

Yabu for feeling bad because of what’s posted on social media.
Please don’t feel bad or less dedicated. You are doing what you can .

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable.

Your colleagues will understand your situation. The public won’t know if you’ve stayed over, etc. Your kids will be happy you’re there when they need you. The general SM stuff is good publicity for the nhs generally.

Not by me - yes it's great that some people can stay overnight but I don't think anyone assumes everyone will or should. Personally, given how desperately short we are of doctors, nurses, HCPs and AHPs I'd rather you all stayed safe and lived to work another day.

I don't think anyone is criticising you. They're just trying to show appreciation to NHS staff in tough circumstances.

Unless someone has posted about "all the wonderful staff not including Whippin, who is selfish and lazy ", YABU.

I think I realised why they got to me a bit more than usual. I'm sat here freezing cold, with my children bundled up, as the boiler went off today, of all days. I was already feeling fragile when I saw the SM stuff, because my kids are suffering in freezing conditions tonight.

Off course you are dedicated op, but you have other responsibilities as do lots of other NHS staff- me included. Working in the health services can suck the life out of you- you deserve a life too.

You're comparing apples and oranges here. It's two entirely different things.

once you make the decision to have a child, even just one, you accept that you are making him your priority, you have to. It's not about being dedicated, it's about doing what you have to do. It's also about the network support, you are not more or less dedicated because you have friends or family who can look after your kids.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Kids are only unable to stay on their own for a short time if you think about it, sooner than you think you will be available again.

I will go find my grip now .

Off topic a bit, but have you checked to see whether it's just that your boiler's condensate pipe has frozen? This is apparently why everyone's boilers have stopped working today. Kettle full of hot water over the pipe might cheer up your evening!

Yeah, my first port of call...! It is the condensate that's the issue, but not that it's frozen. It's a 20 month old boiler under warranty and this is the 3rd time with the same fault!

I feel like the NHS has an expectation/culture that you will get to work no matter what the cost to you. Certainly how it is in my department, anyway. We're not even an emergency dept. Just a routine outpatients.

@WhippinPiccadilly1

Don't be silly. You are just as worthy and valued as anyone else.

If other NHS staff are able to stay overnight to care for the patients, that is fab, but lucky them!!! Lucky that they have someone to care for their kids (if they have them,) and don't have any commitments like many people do.

One nurse was on the news today for walking 10 miles (3 hours!) in the snow to get to work. She was hailed as a hero by the TV presenters ... Frankly, I wasn't impressed, and just thought of it as foolhardy. If she had got into trouble, (got stuck or stranded,) someone would have had to risk their life to try and save her.

And why was she crowing about it on telly?

Nah, not impressed. When genuine, kind people do selfless good deeds, they don't blather on about it........

Well done for everything you do OP!

Your show of dedication would be rather pointless if it ended up killing you wouldn't it? Nobody would be helped by you then. Far better to stay safe now to ensure you can spend the future helping others.

Your life is just as important as a patient's life. Have a grip and

I’m a nurse who didn’t go in today. I’m 34 weeks pregnant, live at the top of a hill in a village with notoriously treacherous roads. Damn right I wasn’t risking me and my unborn for work today and I don’t feel guilty. Even walking to a main road so I could safely get a lift would have been a stupid risk to take. Put your family first and don’t feel another ounce of guilt about it.

I was going to suggest the condensation pipe too but sounds like you know the cause. Hope you can get it fixed soon.

Just because you can't stay extra hours, or may be can't even get in, doesn't mean you are not as dedicated. Every person has different circumstances. If all staff could get there as normal, there would not be a need for the extra shifts. If you are injured getting there you won't be able to help.

Redpanda2 - we are in the red zone. Lunchtime today I saw a post a friend had shared - our health board had cancelled outpatient appointments for this afternoon and tomorrow due to the weather. Not sure if staff were expected to go in and work elsewhere, but I suppose it took pressure off if staff couldn't get in.
Have also seen a number of posts from 4x4 owners offering to take emergency and care workers to work.

I work in the NHS and if the weathers as bad on Saturday/Sunday I won't be going in. I live 15miles from the hospital and my partner has to take me with our toddler. No way am I going to risk getting stuck with my son at 6am on a Sunday. Oh and cause the pays so sh*t I can't afford a taxi. Don't feel guilty about it, it's a few shifts out of the year and I'm sure you give 100% every other day. Christmas/weekends/nights/long days/bank holidays will make up for your missed day.

YANBU Thank you for all that you do
I am in healthcare- private and not essential- and was off Wednesday due to the snow/ roads. Yesterday and today I will be off due to being unwell (UTI- thank God for trimethoprim!) but I wouldn’t have tried to get in yesterday anyway.
I’m supposed to be in on Saturday and will try as long as the main roads are clear.
We all only do what we can. After your experience I wouldn’t drive in snow ever again, that sounds horrible