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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child contact and snow

30 replies

Mooey89 · 01/03/2018 19:11

It’s snowing reasonably heavily here, advise is to avoid all but non essential travel, there was a 20 car pile up on one of the A roads earlier today.

Schools are shut, people not getting to work, etc.

DS is due to go to his dads tomorrow for the weekend.
It’s court ordered. ExH lives 30 mins drive away on the motorway.

I said I think we should review tomorrow as more snow is forecast and it might be more sensible to wait until Saturday morning.

Apparently I’m unreasonable and if I block contact I will be in contempt of court.
I do understand that this is true but I just think it’s madness to risk it - DS is 4.
Also, ex is very irresponsible and 0 chance he will have winter tires or any provisions for the snow - unlikely to have even checked tire pressure recently, once had a tire explode on the motorway because the pressure was so low so not even like I can rely on him to be sensible about things

AIBU?

OP posts:

donners312 · 01/03/2018 19:17

I am in the exact same position - Ex already filed an enforcement order.

The rare seriously mental what caring parent wants their DC to travel in weather like this.

I don't care what the court says mine art going.

They are just twats!

MaceWindu · 01/03/2018 19:21

DD is supposed to be going to ex's overnight tomorrow. Contact is already shifted back a day as we are supposed to be flying on Sunday.

Either it will be all my fault for changing contact days this week and I will be the villain, or he will be couldn't care less about it. He is completely unpredictable with contact.

Original poster

Mooey89 · 01/03/2018 19:23

Oh god, not just me then!
It really is madness

OP posts:

mikeyssister · 01/03/2018 19:25

Seems sensible to me because you're not saying no contact

MaceWindu · 01/03/2018 19:27

It really is Mooey. the way I see it, if ex wants to risk driving here to see DD that's his problem, but she is not travelling! The trouble is I'm supposed to hand her over halfway.

george49 · 01/03/2018 19:28

It really depends on what a court would think.

Some people would cancel contact in two inches of snow and that might be seen as unreasonable. If you have a foot and the roads are closed then you'll just have to go with your gut and hope for the best.

LokiBear · 01/03/2018 19:28

I don't understand how the court works but I'm wondering if you could pre-empt his complaint by contacting them?

george49 · 01/03/2018 19:30

Can they go by train instead? I think you need to look at alternatives rather than just saying no

BangBangPurple · 01/03/2018 19:33

YANBU! DSS is with us at the moment but due back at his mum's tomorrow - if the snow gets worse tonight he will be staying here until it clears, as agrees by both his mum and his dad.

Because, you know, it's not worth risking his life to ensure contact stays exactly as it should. You've got the right idea OP!

Original poster

Mooey89 · 01/03/2018 19:34

Train is a possibility - if they’re running!
I’ve offered next Friday instead, I’m not trying to be difficult. Obviously if it clears it will be fine but I don’t think it will!

OP posts:

Brazenhussy0 · 01/03/2018 19:34

We were meant to have DSDs this weekend but DP has already messaged his ex to say that we’ll skip this week (they live a 40 minute drive away and we’re in an amber zone.) We all agreed it was for the best for safety reasons. It’s just not safe to drive on the roads in our area just now and DP doesn’t want to risk himself driving to work nevermind take the risk with DSDs in the car.

It totally depends on how bad the snow is in your area but if it’s anything like where we are then yanbu.

MaceWindu · 01/03/2018 19:35

Lots of trains have been cancelled today. There's also the getting to and from the train station.

froggybiby · 01/03/2018 19:37

I thought the same as Loki. Can you call anyone?

george49 · 01/03/2018 19:39

No you can't just ring up court and ask them. You need a lawyer.

IllustriouslyIllogical · 01/03/2018 19:43

Surely if he reaches you he's proven that the journey is doable?

Phillipa12 · 01/03/2018 19:46

My boys wre supposed to be visiting their dad this weekend, its 100 miles away, they are not travelling. I have told ex that he can visit them here but i will not put the children in a car for a journey that i feel would be highly irresponsible, they would be travelling from the west country up to Stafford. Thankfully he is in agreement and will be doing the journey south himself to see them.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 01/03/2018 19:47

You've offered him another day, let him try taking it back to the court. Contact is supposed to be in the child's best interest, ignoring advice not to travel and taking a 4 year old on a non-essential motorway journey is not in anyone's best interest, it is just stupidity.

Cat2014 · 01/03/2018 19:50

I was supposed to be taking ds away but due to the weather we are probably not going, so if not ds will spend half the weekend with his dad at my ex’s request. Because I am not unreasonable and ds comes first. Your ex is being an idiot about this at ds’s
Expense. Can you not arrange for him to have an extra few hours or night another time to make up for it?

Distractotron · 01/03/2018 20:19

Ex has kids in the week and I drive 2hrs to have them fri end of school til sun tea time. It's 3 in 4 wkends so if I don't have them this week I should be able to rearrange for another but they would miss scout camp later this month. Travel is mostly Amber zones. I don't want to risk it or for them to miss camp so am going to lose time with them this month. Really upset about it but feel like it would be silly to get into difficulties by being overconfident about potential risks. Ex seems to think it's going to be better tomorrow but met office saying different. I'm hormonal and anxious today so not handling the situation well!

Distractotron · 01/03/2018 20:25

sorry, just wanted that off my chest tbh!

OP, your ex is unlikely to get anywhere by taking you to court about this situation. You're not blocking contact, you've offered an alternative and if you keep all texts etc you can prove you were reasonable. I'm hormonal and missing my kids like mad and I still don't want to risk something happening on my 4hr motorway journey (back roads worse) because the long term effects could be worse than the short term satisfaction of having them with me. Be confident in your decision, it's the safe option.

Prettylovely · 01/03/2018 20:31

Yanbu your ex is being ridiculous.

MaceWindu · 01/03/2018 20:45

Mine is going to be livid if he decides to be bothered because we're away for two weeks from Sunday. But I don't feel comfortable with DD being driven 2 hours there and 2 hours back through Amber zones. I will be offering an extra weekend to make up for it.

There is just no point risking it in this weather.

YetAnotherUser · 01/03/2018 20:53

Look at alternative methods of travel, if that's a no-go then offer alternative arrangements to make up for any missed time.

If it does end up in court and you can demonstrate that you've tried to be reasonable then he'll not get much traction. The courts tend to expect a degree of flexibility and common sense.

Kpo58 · 01/03/2018 21:02

Surely if he reaches you he's proven that the journey is doable?

That's like saying, if a drunk driver doesn't kill someone whilst driving home, then they safe to drive.

MaceWindu · 01/03/2018 23:16

Mine has just requested next weekend instead.

He was definitely told we are still away next weekend. Whether he listens isn't my problem, but he was definitely told

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