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Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To revisit the sex talk?

17 replies

Jerem · 01/03/2018 13:55

Hi all, long time lurker but just joined to post. This is no way trying to be weird talking about sex just looking for other opinions.

I had the talk when DD was 12 and started her period. We talked about what sex was and how it happens for every one different but there’s no rush all that jazz. She went to an all girls school so didn’t know any boys at that time anyway

Fast forward she’s now just turned 18. Hopefully off to uni in September and goes to a mixed boys and girls sixth form currently. I want to revisit the talk with her now as she was in a relationship with a boy from her college for a year, they did have sex throughout this relationship she confided to me but they’ve just broken up.

As she is sexually active I want to talk to her about sex out of a relationship. I want to tell her that if she wants sex, she shouldn’t feel guilty if she’s not in a relationship with the person as long as they are both consenting and thrrr are no conflicting emotions relating to it.

My friend thinks I shouldn’t encourage it but I really want to teach her that sex doesn’t have to be this dirty thing Or makes her a (whatever they call them these days, ‘slag’ etc ) just because she’s not in a relationship. And that it’s not something she should just do to make someone like her etc.

Has anyone had experience with these talks at this age or in this way? Help please!!

OP posts:

APontypandyPioneer · 01/03/2018 14:00

No experience of a chat like that as a parent or child but sounds like a really good idea and well thought out. Can't see how it is encouraging anything, you're just stating some facts. Go for it.

Enuffsenuffsenuff · 01/03/2018 14:01

Sounds very sensible to me!

bilbodog · 01/03/2018 14:02

Im not sure she would appreciate a talk like this at 18- shes a young adult and about to spread her wings. I think it might have been more appropriate when she was younger. I would just be there to answer any questions if they arise - but at this age she is more likely to take advice from friends or social media these days.

InDubiousBattle · 01/03/2018 14:03

I would think that at 18 if she wants your advice she will ask for it? By hat age I imagine she has developed her own opinions on sex and relationships. Just make yourself available if she wants to talk to you.

LaurenBrye · 01/03/2018 14:04

Oh good god do not have this talk. She’s an adult.

BlondeB83 · 01/03/2018 14:05

She 18, she doesn’t need this talk.

ThatchersCold · 01/03/2018 14:05

I’d have been mortified if my mum had said anything like that to me at 18. She’s an adult, and will be friends with other adults, who at that age probably talk about this kind of stuff. I’m sure she has a good understanding of how it works.

CoolWetGrassUpMyAss · 01/03/2018 14:08

I think it's great sentiment but it'll cause nothing by embarrassment for your DD. It'll get you nowhere- she's an adult, she knows what she wants/doesn't want when it comes to sex/relationsips/ONS and she doesn't need her mothers' approval of that.

When my mum dropped me at university, she hugged me goodbye and said "Don't be too sensible but do be safe" and gave me a packet of condoms. Worked fine

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 01/03/2018 14:12

I think I'd have been too embarrassed at 18 to have this talk. At nearly 40 I still cringe if my mum or dad refer to sex or the fact that DH and I might do it!

Birdsgottafly · 01/03/2018 14:12

I agree that it won't go down well. With my DDs I made my views clear as they were developing. This was alongside DV issues.

GummyGoddess · 01/03/2018 14:14

She's an adult, it's lovely you want to support her but perhaps the talk should be centred on her being able to come to you if she needs anything? It's a little bit late for that sort of talk now I think, I would have been truly mortified.

KanyeWesticle · 01/03/2018 15:47

"Don't be too sensible but do be safe" and gave me a packet of condoms. Worked fine

... this sounds perfect!

callmeadoctor · 01/03/2018 15:49

Noooooo just noooooo

Hogtini · 01/03/2018 15:55

I think I would have been mortified to have had this 'talk' when I was 18. Why do you assume she would feel guilty? I think having been thorough a relationship and given her age I would assume she would be able to form her own thoughts by now.

missiondecision · 01/03/2018 15:58

Oh gawd! Don’t do it... she will probably already share this opinion anyway. Not being rude, but she doesn’t need your approval.

demirose87 · 01/03/2018 15:59

Why would she be thinking it was dirty in the first place though? Surely you should be telling her to be careful with who she sleeps with and that it's better in a relationship? Either way you can't control who she has sex with.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 01/03/2018 16:21

I think a reminder to always be safe (and a large packet of condoms in her luggage) will be slightly less embarrassing for DD but will cover the message you want to get across :)

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